


Dancing with Disguises

by LozisLaw



Category: South Park
Genre: Civil War, Coon and Friends - Freeform, Dirty Thoughts, Established Relationship, Freedom Pals - Freeform, Hiding, Identity Issues, M/M, Obsessive Kenny, Rivalry, Secret Identity, Secret Identity Fail, Secret Relationship, Semi-Public Sex, So Oblivious It's Frustrating, South Park: The Fractured But Whole, Superheroes, Superpowers, Villains, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:40:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 68,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22316467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LozisLaw/pseuds/LozisLaw
Summary: As the Freedom Pals and Coon and friends participate in their seventh year of civil wars, The Human Kite and Tool-shed battle their own struggles in identity as their relationship grows to yearn who their secret identities are. Meanwhile Kyle Broflovski and Stan Marsh fight feelings for each other as their similarities to their secret relationships causes them to wonder if they should be together. A game of secrets and identities affects the civil war that continues to rage increasingly closer to boiling point in the lives of these teenagers juggling superhero personas and high school.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Eric Cartman/Wendy Testaburger, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Token Black/Clyde Donovan
Comments: 28
Kudos: 180





	1. Chapter 1

There in the middle of the street stood two groups. 

Coon and friends and freedom pals faced each other- all mirroring scowls of pure hatred and distrust. There stood the Coon, Fastpass, Super Craig and Mosquito: the coon and friends. On the other side stood Mysterion, Doctor Timothy, Wonder Tweek and Tupperware: the freedom pals.

There also stood the Human Kite- from coon and friends, and Tool-shed- from freedom pals. 

They had all grown up. Now in high school at 17. Time never changed the fact that these two teams still hated each other. 

The members from each team glared at each other as they awaited the first move. Human Kite subtly glanced over to Tool-shed, who gave him a subtle smirk and a wink. His instinct was to laugh at Tool-shed’s typical cockiness, luckily, he stopped himself while in the presence of others, clearing his throat and crossing his arms in hopefully perceived annoyance. The Coon saw this exchange and scowled at Human Kite before dramatically stepping forward. He really knew how to play his part as superhero, forget the undiscussed fact that he turned to villainy often, and wasn’t above enlisting Professor Chaos to serve his whims when he got especially pissed off. 

‘’Serious Lah, Mysterion- can’t you understand why we’re the superior team, you douchebags can’t even defeat Chaos on your own,’’ Coon snorted, adopting the haughty arrogance that made his identity so clear to everyone, though it remained undiscussed- like other unsavoury things he involved himself in. Everyone was aware of how valuable identities were, and although Coon was a sociopath, they didn’t want to give him a reason to expose them, things were safer if everyone’s identities were respected, including Eric Cartman’s.

‘’Fuck you Fat ass- at least we can help the town with real problems, not destroy it by making Christmas all year round!’’ Mysterion retorted with his usual deep and menacing growl. Always the image of stoic heroism and a shadowy backstory.

‘’Aye! That was mitch Conner- not Coon and friends, and anyway that idea was fuckin’ sweet before Santa and that douchebag came and ruined it. That was like 7 fucking years ago already. You guys need to get all that sand out your vaginas,’’ Coon said. Mysterion growled and seethed his teeth, barely restraining himself to punch that fucker’s head in.

Fastpass chuckled and stuttered ‘’Y-yeh-yeah freedom pussies.’’ 

Coon snickered back childishly ‘’I love it when you call them that,’’ before looking forward gravely again and continuing.

‘’Anyway, as I was saying- Aye! Tool-shed, get your goddamn eyes out of Human Kite’s ass- a civil war dialogue exchange is happening right now!’’ 

Tool-shed was still staring unabashedly at Human Kite. Human Kite’s face turned beet red, he glowered at both the Coon and Tool-shed, who smirked at the Coon, undeterred by the daggers Kite was currently giving him.

‘’Screw you Coon, civil wars are trivial with asses like that ready to be kicked,’’ Tool-shed said, giving Human Kite an evil smirk.

“Wow,” Kite remarked nonchalantly. 

It’s like Tool-shed was trying to get caught out, but his blatant boldness made the notion of pointing out how obvious he was obsessed with Human Kite seem futile. Tool-shed grinned mischievously back at Human Kite. As far as he was concerned, civil wars were only won if he succeeded in making the wind elemental blush.

‘’Alright comrades- it seems as though trash talk has reached its peak, time to strike,’’ Dr Timothy telepathically commanded the freedom pals. Angry grunts and cries from the freedom pals filled the air as they descended upon the unwitting foes. Coon quickly reciprocated, calling out to: ‘’Coon and friends, wipe the floor with the freedom pussies!’’ 

Coon and friends cried out in agreement and collided with the attacking freedom pals. The usual routine of these civil wars was face offs against oppositional heroes that matched each other in terms of strength and powers- or whoever pissed each other off the most during the pre-war dialogue exchange. This was the case for the Coon and Mysterion this battle- who immediately darted to each other to avenge the trash talk directed at their teams, though they were always the ones who instigated the insults the most. The rest of either team had a nemesis that they usually focused on during civil wars, like Super Craig and Wonder Tweek. Although it was universally known that they were dating- if not bonded together by each other and their powers that usually entailed their transformation into anime characters holding hands in the air as cherry blossoms fell from the sky. They only fought these wars out of solidarity to their respective teams, and only fought each in jest or for practise. Human Kite usually found himself jealous of their situation and he wished the same for him and Tool-shed. But their teams only knew of his and Tool-shed’s hatred, and he felt as though if any other couples were announced from opposite sides- the whole system they had would crumble. Coon and friends motto were ‘fuck the freedom pals’ for Christ’s sake, and whether or not Coon admitted it- his favourite missions were those designed to screw over the freedom pals and make their lives harder. He was somewhat obsessed with getting their attention, which was fucking childish, but Kite didn’t have the balls to call him out and direct his team on more wholesome ventures. 

Despite their shared hatred for the freedom pals, his teammates were just as afraid of being kicked out of the team as Kite was. They all knew Coon called the shots, he had since they were 10 years old, ever since the freedom pals formed a division from the original team and declared themselves enemies. Kite had chosen the wrong team, that much was certain, and he knew his team felt the same way, but at 10 years old they didn’t realise switching sides would be impossible after sticking the new kid on freedom pals doorstep to trick them and learn secrets. It had been partly Kite’s idea, one he wasn’t proud of, but he sincerely regretted it when the outcome got so out of control that the Coon and friends were officially sworn enemies of the freedom pals, all chances of joining them squashed. Back then, he was sadder about the fact that he couldn’t hang out more with the cool superhero who’d joined a few months earlier, this witty black-haired kid who could control power tools with his mind. Apparently, Tool-shed had more common sense than him, getting the idea he needed to get away from the Coon as soon as the opportunity arise, which when it did, he was the lead instigator. That moment made Kite sadder than angry at the time. It makes Human Kite angry now, mostly because now that him and Tool-shed want to bone, they’ve got to do it on top of a building, away from everyone else. Which the location itself is humiliating, but in the heat of passion he only cares about Tool-shed ploughing him, so he thinks fuck it; they’re only young once.

Kite knew how much it sucked to be Cartman’s enemy, and he was relieved that Coon didn’t know he was Kyle Broflovski, the ginger Jew with anger issues directly affiliated with Cartman’s existence. He wouldn’t wish that hate on anyone, not even freedom pals, though it was really Coon with the beef with them anyway. Kite didn’t have a problem with freedom pals; Mysterion was cool; if dark, he respected Dr Timothy, and then there was his Tool-shed. Kite always had a problem with Tool-shed, being that he had to hide how much he wanted him in his pants all the time.

Some heroes could fly and attacked from the air. Being that Human Kite had a command of force of the wind he could lift anything, or anyone off the ground- including himself, he used his advantage and scanned the battlefield for Tool-shed- so they could have their usual ‘battle’ amidst the war. Tool-shed stood further back in the street, shooting screws and nails from a distance to enemies, occasionally pressing his drill into the ground so a laser drill would appear further from the ground and attack from below, his usual tactic to distract the Coon and friends from their own battles with their own enemies. Kite wore the hint of a smile as he hovered in the air, watching Tool-shed pone the enemies around him from a distance, giving his team a direct advantage to take their opponent out while their fending off his attacks. Well, there’s something Kite could do about that.

Human Kite shot a laser beam from his eyes to the ground in front of Tool-shed to get his attention. Tool-shed stumbled back to avoid the flash of melting laser heat, regaining his footing and glaring up to the source of commotion, full well knowing who’d shot at him with a laser. Human Kite smirked at his annoyed face and descended lower to the ground, his desire to see Tool-shed again dominating his other thoughts. 

‘’Have I earned your attention already Kite?’’ Tool-shed leered. 

Human Kite bristled when he remembered his annoyance with Tool-shed’s earlier indiscretion towards the Coon, anger simmering into his eyes like they were charging for a strike. He glared intensely and shot another laser directly at Tool-shed- which he blocked with his power drill, counterattacking with a laser drill attack that opened from under Human Kite’s feet. Kite dodged it by flying up a few metres off the ground, then stared down to his foe in boredom. 

‘’It’s such as shame your drills aren’t as ‘strong’ as your puns,’’ Kite stated, feigning disappointment.

Tool-shed snickered, ‘’Seeing your reaction before, seemed as though I nailed it.’’ 

‘’Fuck you,’’ Kite casually replied, flipping Shed off from the air. 

Human Kite knew Tool-shed’s routine all too well; distract the enemy with horrible jokes and puns to heighten their annoyance, all before exposing a lethal attack that would disarm them. Human Kite always deliberately took the bait anyway, it was cute how hard Tool-shed tried to keep on script with his made-up formula.

‘’Will you give it a rest with your stupid-ass puns,’’ Human Kite called out from above, fully aware how pointless that request is. Tool-shed was as attached to his bad-puns as Kite was with the kite on his back- it was a part of him. It’s not like Human Kite really hated the puns anyway- he loved Tool-shed’s smirking confidence and audacity to potentially make a fool of himself- he never did anyway, because he was too self-assured to feel insecure. One of the things that made Kite proud to know him, let alone love him. 

‘’There’s only so many tool-related one liners in the world Kite- be grateful I’m using them on you.’’ 

Tool-shed looked up to Human Kite with what looked like sincerity for a moment before he grinned again. Of course, Tool-shed uses his best puns on Kite- there’s no one else who has ever held his interest in battle like he did, though not for combat finesse. Kite proceeded to resume his swaying motions in the sky- determined to get out of touching distance of his lover before he did something to make himself vulnerable to attack, leaving the ground and letting his kite glide with the summoned wind- but he felt something snag his waist. Tool-shed wrapped his tape measure around Human Kite, using it as a rope to haul himself off the ground and stay close. 

As they flew higher, Human Kite tried to shake Tool-shed off him, but he was unflappable. Human Kite struggled in the air as Tool-shed destabilised his balance, before surrendering to his grip and pulling them both up higher to evade the other heroes. They’d have to appear as though they were fighting still to avoid suspicion, but they’d been doing that for years. Kite scanned the town from above to find a safe place to land before spotting a tall building a few blocks from the main street with a secure and private roof. He smirked down at Tool-shed and nodded towards the building. Tool-shed shifted his gaze to the building pointed out and looked up to give Kite a devious grin. 

It was clear to both what they’d be doing for the rest of the battle. 

Kite zoomed towards the building and descended, giving Tool-shed a safe distance to land. Tool-shed released his tape measure from Kite’s waist and jumped down to the roof, performing a nice superhero landing before looking up and observing Kite’s descent. Human Kite felt embarrassed at Tool-shed’s fixed gaze, his face heating as he crossed his arms and he let the air carry him back to the ground. 

‘’Give up already Kite? You know they love to watch us rip each other’s throats out- especially your precious fat ass,’’ Tool-shed teased, walking over to the elemental, grinning. Human Kite was unamused. 

‘’Shut the fuck up Shed! You should talk, eyeballing me like you want to eat my ass. They called you out!’’ Kite yelled, exasperated, though really, he wasn’t all that upset, he just knew the only person he could rant to was Shed. He loved how Shed was brave enough to pull that shit off, and although it bugged Kite that he couldn’t act to save his life, he was glad Shed was having some fun in their dire situation. That made one of them at least, which was why Kite really needed Tool-shed right now, he needed to get fucked and momentarily forget the growing seriousness of the civil wars.

‘’Oh please, those dumbasses thought I was just trying to get a rise out of you. They think we hate each other. It totally worked like always if you didn’t notice,’’ Shed said, looming over the smaller hero and gripping his waist with both hands, pulling him close as Kite resisted in his arms. Kite huffed ‘’You’d think I’d have more precedent to have my head in the clouds than you but here we are. Everyone could obviously see you gawking at me- even Coon, and he pointed it out! For once stop being so cavalier about them finding out and at least act the part- for me if not for the sake of your team.’’ 

Tool-shed sighed and wrapped his arms around Kite. He hugged him tightly, radiating heat from his body into Kite’s, and Kite forgave him as soon as he looked into Shed’s warm, blue eyes laced with a sad expression. Kite apprehended himself at his fading willpower to resist the enchantment of Shed’s eyes. 

‘’I just miss you. I want to have a conversation with you without having to make it sound poisonous and hateful.’’ 

Kite looked up past Tool-shed’s shoulder- watching for any eavesdroppers just in case. He wrapped his arms over Tool-shed’s neck when the coast was clear and said ‘’I know, I miss you too. Every time you make a pun around them, I swallow down a laugh and a boner. It’s brutal man.’’ 

‘’Why do you think I do it- to piss them off?’’ Tool-shed smirked at Kite, who playfully shoved him. 

‘’Even if these pointless civil wars only cause bloodshed, something that could be saved by actually fighting bad guys- they are still my team, and I have to follow the motto: ‘Fuck the freedom pals’. As stupid as it may be,’’ Kite sighed as he stared out into the distance, still clinging to Tool-shed. 

He didn’t focus on the fact that Tool-shed was basically hovering at his face, a heavy expression masking his features. Shed cleared his throat. ‘’I don’t mind that motto- as long as it’s only me you’re fucking.’’ 

Tool-shed moved his face into Kite’s and softly kissed him. He released his lips from Kite’s after a few seconds and watched his boyfriend’s eyes darken. 

‘’My team knows I’ve been upholding the motto with you in battle- just not in the way they’d think,’’ Kite murmured, slightly smirking against Tool-shed’s mouth. 

‘’We wouldn’t want you to stop being a good little superhero now would we. If you won’t fuck us in battle- you must fuck us in another way. What way shall that be- hmm?’’ Shed taunted, leaning close into Kite’s ear. Kite’s body shuddered when he licked Kite’s earlobe and began sucking at the soft exposure of skin. 

Tool-shed always knew how to get Human Kite going- and Kite barely contained a gasp as he lifted his head back to let his neck be exposed to more of Shed’s kissing. He fidgeted in Tool-shed’s grasp before sliding his hands through Shed’s hair and responding softly. 

‘’In the ass. That’s the other way.’’ 

Tool-shed barely contained a gasp, then grinned. Shed continued to suck on Kite’s neck as he teased, ‘’So you need to fuck the freedom pussies hmm? I’m pretty sure last time I checked- I’m the one doing the fucking.’’ Kite moaned in reply, ‘’That is unless you want to be good and put a stop to that?’’ 

Kite breathed heavily and responded ‘’I- ah, don’t care if your fucking me. They won’t notice, I just- just need you to. Now, please. ‘’ 

Human Kite gripped Shed’s hair and kept him close as Tool-shed’s licked his way back up to Kite’s lips and it opened hungrily for him. Kite latched his leg up Tool-shed’s thigh, climbing him, before Tool-shed pulled him off the ground, legs wrapped around his waist as they made out in sloppy moans. Tool-shed laughed into Human Kite’s mouth when he felt Kite’s boner knead his stomach when he thrust his hips forward in anticipation. 

Human Kite released him from the kiss- still dizzyingly close to his face as his lidded expression kept his mouth partially open like someone dying of thirst. He continued to hump Tool-shed’s stomach and returned a little of Tool-shed’s merciless teasing, adopting some of Shed’s cockiness.

‘’You feel how hot your making me? You gonna do something about it or just watch me get hotter? You just gonna go back to the fight and supress this?’’ Kite bit his lip as he felt for Tool-shed’s crotch and brushed the throbbing bulge with his fingers. Kite fixed his attention to Tool-shed’s face, watching him with dazed eyes as Tool-shed tried and failed to hold in a surprised yet eager gasp. 

‘’Jesus, Fuck Kite! Stop being so goddamn sexy, or I’ll jump you every time I see you blush in battle!’’ 

Kite smirked for a split second before Tool-shed smashed his lips back down against Kite’s, lapping up at the insides of his mouth all while holding him up. Shed kept his focus on kite’s features as they kissed, admiring his long red eyelashes obscuring the view to his prismatic green eyes. His mind wandered as his moans got louder against Kite’s mouth. He couldn’t resist taking a moment to admire Kite while began doing things with his tongue again. Tool-shed assumed that Human kite had red hair from his lashes even though it was hidden by his costume- it didn’t take a genius to figure that out. Shed had a liking to that colour hair anyway from his best friend Kyle Broflovski, who knew him as his secret identity; Stan Marsh. Kite had a long straight nose that perfectly complimented his defined chin and cheek bones- though Tool-shed never thought his face was very pointy, it had a cute roundness to it. He would say it had a certain femininity to it, but he never said so out loud. Human Kite would lose his shit if you said he looked feminine; he would send you to the sun to scorch. Regardless, Tool-shed was at the very least a lovesick sucker who couldn’t find fault with his blushing baby, no matter what word for him, Kite was perfect.

Human Kite was aching in his pants, gently fidgeting against Tool-shed as he tried to deepen the kiss and wrap his arms tighter around Shed’s neck- impatient for him stop the teasing and get down and dirty to what Kite loved most. He slowly removed his face from Tool-shed, delirious and blushing. 

‘’P- please baby, I- I need you in me. Ahh- don’t make me wait any longer.’’ Kite begged, unable to resist stirring his hips up to brush against Tool-shed’s growing hardness. 

Tool-shed dropped to the ground with Kite in his lap and started frantically taking off Human kite’s costume- heart pounding and dick throbbing like it did every time Kite started purposely acting pathetic and begging to be fucked. He removed Kite’s suit, with the exception of his disguise of headwear, and started for his own- trying not to be disappointed when he knew he couldn’t take the disguise off, to be able to see Kite’s hair and the rest of his face. He knew it had to work like this, that he should be grateful he can have physical relations with Human Kite at all, but the disappointment remained, probably would until he could finally see Kite’s most likely red hair. Which was indefinitely never, or as long as they can keep this charade of the costumes going.

Once his own clothes and utility belt were removed, he allowed himself to take in Human Kite at his best- soft milky skin, slender body with lithe muscles tensed against the ground, his slim hips thrusting forward as he humped the air. Human kite was shameless now when it came to his nudity with Shed. He couldn’t resist though, peeking at Tool-shed with interest.

Tool-shed had a tall, athletic stature- showing off his toned physique and slight tan, and muscular chest and abs that Kite wanted to rub himself against until he got sore. He let his eyes wander up to Shed’s, staring into his heavy-lidded expression, his deep ocean eyes locked onto Kite’s as his slick black bangs fell effortlessly across his handsome gothic face. Not the kind of face that wore faggy eyeliner and black lipstick to epitomize pain, but the kind that naturally looked mysterious and foreboding, sharp with a keen sense of where this doomed world is headed- yet one look in his warm, sensitive eyes and they would tell you the opposite. Kite thought this contrast evened his appearance out quite beautifully. 

Human Kite was sure that Tool-shed was a model of some sort as his secret identity. 

His eyes diverted down to Tool-shed’s tender, elegant neck- looking desperate to be sucked again. So, he leaned his hands up to grasp Shed’s long, black wisps of hair, threading his fingers through and pulled Tool-shed down to him, licking and sucking on his neck. Tool-shed groaned and held the back of Kite’s covered head as if to hold him in place, hoisting Kite’s legs up around his back. 

Tool-shed could feel Kite’s frantic jerking of his hips as a reminder to focus his attention on the mission- Human Kite’s ass. Kite removed himself from Tool-shed’s neck and moaned as Shed licked and whispered in his ear. 

‘’You want to be fucked in the ass huh? You’d be breaking the rules if you didn’t do what your told by the Coon. Do you want to break the rules with me- your own personal freedom pal to fuck you?’’ 

Human Kite whimpered and shamelessly humped his thigh, gripping Tool-shed’s back with deadly intent. ‘’Please baby- I need you to fuck me. I’ll be bad- I’ll break the rules and be bad with you. Just ungh- just fuck me- ahh!’’ 

He groaned as Tool-shed inserted his finger into Human Kite and slowly pushed in as he watched Kite fall silent in hazy pleasure. His eyes were blown up and his mouth hung open as an empty squeak released from his chest. Shed squirmed his way in and wiggled his finger around as Kite began to wobble and push back against his knuckle- wanting him to fuck him with it. So, he did, slowly pulling in and out as Kite stroked and grabbed at Shed’s hair- pulling it as a grip against the involuntary jerks his hips made as Tool-shed worked him deeper and harder. 

Kite shouted when Shed quickly found his prostate, babbling nonsense as he started playing with it, teasing him. 

‘’Oh god Shed! Fucking fuck! Keep going- oh, that’s- yeah. Fuh- fuck me now. I need your dick, need it in me,’’ Kite cried, groping for Tool-shed in his delirious state. 

‘’You need it huh?’’ Shed teased, full on finger-banging him now. ‘’You’ve been such a bad superhero though. Why does such a bad boy deserve my cock?’’

‘’I know I’m bad, fuh-fuck me like I’m being punished. Oh god please- I’m breaking the law; I need a superhero to reprimand me with his cock. Don’t let me get away with being your slut.’’

Tool-shed leant down, licking Kite’s cheeks, proud that Kite is embracing dirty talk more and more, and groaning as he felt him so warm and tight as he clenched around his fingers, signalling that his dick needed to replace them. Unable to protest Kite’s pleas to be fucked, because he needed it too, Tool-shed removed his fingers and applied lube onto his now harder than hell erection, from the pocket both of them carried for special circumstances like these, then grabbed Kite’s legs and wound them up around his waist, giving him the best access into Kite’s already stimulated ass. Kite grabbed Tool-shed’s shoulders and held on tight as he entered the kite and slowly worked himself in, restraining the urge to come so soon when he felt the tight heat from walls of his ass, clenching around him and keeping him in place. Human Kite dug his nails into Shed’s back as he rolled his hips up and entered all the way in, balls deep. They were getting better and better at this, but they tended to revert to crazed teenage rutting to satisfy their needs, if they were feeling particularly clingy.

He extracted whimpers of pleasure and soft curses out of the Kite, egging him on to fuck him hard already. Tool-shed started moved in short, small jerks earning a small grunt from Kite as he continued to go deeper and harder. Human Kite maintained the same delirious expression with his mouth hung open, eyebrows knitted and eyes fluttering back and forth as he gripped his nails harder into Tool-shed’s back. 

Usually when they had sex, they were like this, sinning themselves with prolific dirty talk until the actual fucking, where then they wouldn’t talk except for the occasional grunt and moan. Human Kite jerked himself in delirious pleasure until he exploded as Tool-shed reshaped him, pounding into him ‘like a drill’. Shed chuckled to himself thinking what Kite would say if he knew that Tool-shed came up with his best puns during sex, using later during combat. 

Tool-shed ground into him deeper, fucking him hard and penetrating Kite to the point he was whimpering and moaning like a whale, clinging to Shed until his knuckles went white. Human Kite cried out and babbled. 

‘’Unnghh, Fuck, Shed- ohhh, come on, tame my ass. Make me wet inside, ‘til I’m dripping. Oh fuck- unghh.''

‘’This what you need Kite? Gonna fill you up so your team can see it dripping out of you after. So, they know your mine. Who’s my little whore?’’ 

‘’Me!’’ Kite cried ‘’I’m your whore.’’ 

‘’My own little slut,’’ Shed said fondly as he flicked his hips up again. It had never been an insult to call each other these things, because at the end of the day, they still only belonged to each other, and any name they used was always an endearment. Tool-shed slid his hands down Kite’s sweat-slick body while he fucked him against the cold cement ground on top of a building, while their teams punched each other’s lights out on the street across from them.

Kite remembered the first time they’d done this. They’d been 15 and had only been together for a few weeks before losing their minds and their virginity one afternoon after a particularly gruelling civil war. They still fought each other, still aware and ever alert that their respective teams didn’t know about their recent status of relationship. Tool-shed had been making tool-puns the entire time, and every time, Kite purposefully flashed him a seductive look, getting each other worked up. By the time they escaped the war and found their own secluded building, they’d shucked their clothes off and mercilessly attacked each other. They’d jerked off and blown each other before, but that afternoon they went that extra step further and introduced asses. Tool-shed was careful and considerate, which was slightly unnerving, considering how confident he was the rest of the time, Kite expected him to get in there and tame his ass, but he nurtured it instead. Kite asked to be fucked roughly more often afterwards, though he was still sentimental to the idea that the cocky attitude Shed always had masked a sweet tender side Kite had never seen before. They’d stayed true to tradition, always finding a high, secluded skyscraper to fuck upon, and every civil war for 3 years they’d followed the same routine. They sometimes did it at their hideout, an old warehouse they fashioned into headquarter if you will, mostly a private place to talk and fuck without fear of other heroes catching them. They preferred buildings still though.

Human Kite was in ecstasy, reduced to a liquified state as Tool-shed continued to thrust, and thrust, and thrust. He somehow had the strength to reach up and grab Tool-shed, pull him down into an open-mouthed kiss, both moaning as their hips worked in synchronization. Tool-shed groaned and pumped his orgasm into him, shuddering as he filled his ass and slowly released himself from Kite’s tight grip only to thrust into him hard one last time. Kite moaned and let his arms fall to his side as Tool-shed opened his mouth for him and they lazily licked into each other’s mouths, recovering from their bone-shaking orgasms. 

They stayed connected and panting as Kite stroked Tool-shed’s hair, pushing it out of his sweaty face. Shed felt hazy and disoriented as he pulled out and lay on top of a limp Kite, breathing heavily as he whispered, ‘’Jesus Christ babe that was- wow. You okay?’’ 

Kite took a few moments to regain himself, then groggily smiled as he leaned over to press himself against Tool-shed. 

‘’Fucking love you so much,’’ Kite murmured.

Tool-shed chuckled at Human Kite’s cute tendency to shamelessly add the word ‘Fuck’ to every sentence after sex- as though he didn’t moan the word enough during. 

‘’I fucking love your unceasing fucking swearing after we fucking fuck.’’ 

Tool-shed grinned as Kite laughed and bumped his nose into his face. 

‘’Whatever fucking smart-ass, you weren’t fucking complaining about my fucking swearing while we fucking fucked,‘’ he said, deliberate that time. 

They both grinned at each other and quickly darted into another kiss, slowly drawing tongues out for exchange of heat and saliva while lying on the ground of a building lightyears away from anyone who would dare interrupt their weekly reunion away from the hate and biased from their teams. They both knew their time was limited though- because even without disruption from others, the incessant worry of being caught was plaguing the back of their minds every time they saw each other. Human Kite released from the kiss and gazed seriously at Tool-shed, taking selfish moments to admire his striking face and shimmering translucent eyes peering back with sensitivity. Human Kite explored the iridescent wonder of his eyes, he felt very warm knowing the bright dark blue of his iris’ were like a reflection of Starks pond. 

Back when they were kids, Kyle found refuge at the pond on his darkest days when even his medication in the form of best friend Stan Marsh couldn’t defuse his anger. It was those days where he found being alone, staring out into the vast expanse of calm ripples of water in the afternoon sunset were all he needed to relax and forget his troubles for a while. He had many memorable moments at that pond with Stan, but the most memorable was one afternoon staring out into the sunset on the bench with Stan, after one of their particularly crazy ‘adventures’ if you could call them that. It had been after the death of Chef, and they were unsure of how to go on knowing that the only adult in South Park they trusted and could talk to about their problems was gone, but more importantly he had been their friend, which was even more than their parents had been growing up. After the initial worry, they sat by the lake, looking out into the sunset, no need for communication, just contemplating what they’d do next. They had wrapped their arms around each other, and smiled at each other, completely at peace with each other and accepting that friends were precious and to be treasured. It was when Kyle first noticed how beautifully stark Stan’s eyes could be; they were like the embodiment of Stark’s pond. Human Kite now found refuge staring into Tool-shed’s eyes, because they were so amazingly similar. It gave him the same sense of security and warmth, the same that Stan had that day. 

His thoughts drifting back to Stan were cut short by a large rumble coming from the main street- The freedom pals and coon and friends were still fighting back where they left them. Human Kite sighed as he leaned back to the ground and looked over to the source of the sound and realised how long they’d been gone from battle. 

‘’Fuck, we better go head back. The others won’t have stayed fighting this long.’’ 

He touched Shed’s chest as Shed breathed in recuperation and caressed his hand down to his abs, noticing his spilt seed covering it, after feeling a gooey wetness where he touched. 

‘’Shit- I’d better clean that up,’’ Kite took some wipes from a pocket his costume had for this very occasion and started wiping Tool-shed as Shed tried to keep kissing him. 

‘’I love it when we do this,’’ Tool-shed said, smiling moonily.

‘’Yeah, we’re really living the life. Fucking on top of a building,’’ Kite rolled his eyes. Human Kite released himself from Shed’s spooning after cleaning his stomach and hastily tried to dress himself as he trembled from post-sex trauma. 

‘’I mean I think it’s pretty adventurous-considering we’re two law-abiding superheroes,’’ Shed said. 

Human Kite couldn’t have rolled his eyes any harder.

‘’Vigilantism isn’t legal- and neither is indecent exposure in public, or the other- stuff,’’ Kite explained. ‘’The way I see it is, we’re allowed to do this whenever our teams fight- cause their wasting time when they could be helping with more important things, so we may as well have fun while they have their little pity war. When they stop- we stop.’’

Tool-shed fretted for a moment and asked ‘’Wait- we can’t do this anymore if they stop?’’ 

Kite grinned at Shed, glancing at his naked body still perched on the ground, before adding ‘’You’re so cute. What I meant was If they stop their squabbles- we stop playing around like we’re enemies then fuck on a skyscraper. We’ll do it on a bed like normal people- unless that’s too boring. Maybe then we’ll come back up here for ‘adventure’ as you put it.’’ 

Human Kite reattached his kite and walked over to Tool-shed- who had barely attempted to redress and knelt to pull his white shirt back over him and sighed. ‘’It’s a shame your godly figure is hidden behind this outfit all the time. Though I’m glad I’m the only one who gets to see it when it’s not. Who needs bitchy fans clinging onto you?’’

Kite continued to reattach Tool-shed’s utility belt as Shed pulled his underwear and jeans back on. Shed grinned down at Kite when as tied his shoelaces for him and said ‘’You could see me more if you knew my identity.’’ 

Kite frowned and looked up at Tool-shed, ‘’We’ve talked about this, Shed. It’s too risky to expose ourselves- even if it’s only us. Come on let’s get back. They’ll start making crackpot theories that we fucked on top of a building or something,’’ Kite said, winking at Tool-shed. 

Shed still felt they couldn’t keep doing this forever and they needed some sort of plan. They were turning 18 this year and college was lurking around the corner. Tool-shed felt like Human Kite was the love of his life- but he couldn’t be content until they knew each other outside the costumes and fake dialogue of battles. 

Tool-shed sighed and re-attached his tape measure to Human Kite’s waist. There’s no point arguing right now, spoiling the spectacular sex that Tool-shed will be thinking about when he gets home until he sees Kite next, because next time they see each other they’ll be going at it again and he’ll have a new image to jerk off to. He glanced down to the ground where they were lying, and he spotted an incriminating mess of come all over the cement. He laughed and nudged Kite to look at the evidence of an X-rated scene. Kite guffawed, going red- but his guilty smile proved to Tool-shed that he was secretly pleased. Shed wrapped himself around Kite, kissed his cheek from behind, and said ‘’Kite ho.’’ Human Kite laughed and flew them back down to the ground. 

They dropped off in an alley behind the battlefield, watching their teammates regrouping as they always did when the battle ended. They made sure the coast was clear for them to go back with their teams, when they turned to each other.

‘’Till next time, babe. Hopefully before the next civil war,’’ Human Kite said as he leant up on his toes to kiss Tool-shed goodbye. 

Shed replied ‘’done,’’ before deepening the kiss, letting his arms pull Kite up from the ground before letting him go. Kite stayed hovering in the air as Tool-shed mouthed, ‘I love you’ and winked before blowing him yet another kiss and darting off to his team. 

Human Kite lingered in the air for a few seconds smiling and blushing as he watched Tool-shed dart back to the freedom pals, then flew over to the Coon and friends, who looked worse for wear post-battle as they waited for his return. The Coon scowled at Human Kite as he settled between Fastpass and Mosquito, both looking uncomfortable- aware of the rain of hellfire about to be unleashed upon him for being late. 

‘’So nice of you to fucking join us Human Kite! The fuck, were you?’’ Coon screamed out with his usual whiny pitch as the coon and friends looked at Kite in fear- though Kite was unfazed by his usual bullshit. The best time to deal with the Coon was after seeing Tool-shed, or more accurately getting fucked by him, because he concentrated more on the pleasant burn in his ass and come leaking out of him than the headache the Coon’s whining caused. 

He crossed his arms, rolled his eyes and said ‘’Tool-shed caught me as I was flying, I tried to shake the bastard off, and we ended up fighting on the West side buildings. So, I’m sorry if I couldn’t see if you flightless assholes had finished up on the ground.’’ 

He silently apologised to Tool-shed for cursing about him, but his team only knew them as enemies who didn’t hesitate to verbally attack each other all the time, so he needed to play his part best he could. 

‘’Hey I can fly!’’ Mosquito buzzed. 

‘’Right- but you choose to stay on the ground to give Tupperware an advantage- because malaria can’t infect a cyborg, and flying is the only thing you got left,’’ Kite sarcastically remarked, ‘’Seriously you guys, it’s like your trying to make winning as hard as possible just so you can have a little drama with someone from freedom pals. It’s not that hard to realise people. ‘’

‘’Well what the hell do you call your little fights with Tool-shed then?’’ Super Craig said. 

Human Kite guffawed for a second, then realised Super Craig was the biggest hypocrite ever. ‘’Well what the hell do you can your little ‘fights’ with Wonder Tweek?’’ Kite asked, and he felt like he won the argument and successfully denied Shed and his relationship when Super Craig fell silent. 

‘’Guys, we aren’t here to discuss who’s dry humping who. That should be no-one by the way,’’ Coon glared at Super Craig, who just flipped him off. ‘’The freedom pals are lying, dirty cheaters and you’ll get aids from them. That said I’d say it’s too late for Super Craig, but not too late for you Kite.’’ 

Coon pointed at Kite and Kite scoffed.

‘’Fuck off Fatass.’’ 

Coon gave Kite a dirty look before continuing with his usual Post-war monologue, ‘’Whatever Kite, anyway so we end civil war 47 what I think we can all agree was victorious. I must congratulate Super Craig for flipping off and enraging Doctor Timothy when he tried to rape my mind during battle to find Coon and friends secrets. I assure you he did not discover anything to aid their popularity in the battle for followers- much as those cockmunchers would like some incriminating evidence on us. Coon and friends let us commemorate this successful civil war with the motto of truth- fuck the freedom pussies! Except for Super Craig- who’ll get aids!’’ Coon bellowed with vigour. 

‘’Fuck the freedom pussies!’’ Everyone cried, Human Kite the loudest- blushing about its double meaning to himself.

**

Meanwhile Tool-shed had quickly run over to the freedom pals, who’d regathered on the other end of the street and were still discussing their experiences during the battle. They seemed to miss Tool-shed’s late arrival at first and were arguing. 

‘’All I’m saying Doctor Timothy, is that I think you should use your telepathy to dig up some dirt on the coon and friends. One of them has got to have some embarrassing knowledge we could destroy their franchise with. It would be more useful than fucking with Fatass daily about his own insecurities- much as it has its perks’’ Mysterion grumbled to their leader, who looked deep in concentration. 

He spoke up in telepathy to the whole team, ‘’I choose not to infiltrate their minds for intel as they assume that is our priority in this group. They base their whole operation on getting one over us in terms of popularity- but they lack integrity for what matters most. Heroes need to be selfless and help the greater good where others cannot. We will stick to that idea of heroism to solve problems we face, and not reduce ourselves to the media whores the Coon and friends have always been.’’ 

Mysterion scoffed and said ‘’And yet we find ourselves fighting these media whores every week without reason other than a feud that doesn’t even matter to our operations anymore.’’ 

Doctor Timothy said, ‘’Precisely. You see Mysterion, our participation in this weekly operation prevents the Coon and friends from interfering with our job to protect the town. They believe that their antics keep us occupied and base their whole job on preventing us from getting ahead- when they don’t realise that we have grown past the need to gain popularity, but they are still children and need to be treated as such. Because if we don’t humour their attention when they want it- they will go on to destroy everything we’ve built, everything we’ve become until they get their attention. That is why we must fight them every week and keep them entertained from finding the truth.’’ 

Mysterion gave in and grumbled something inaudible under his breath before facing the team to debrief. ‘’Alright freedom pals, I don’t know who won this day- I don’t really care, because we’ll be at it again next week anyway. So use these battles to your benefit- train with living dummies programmed to specifically hate and cheat like a criminal would, and find weaknesses from your usual opponents in battle that will help you in the future if we come across a day the Coon and his slaves go too far- knowing them they will.’’ 

Mysterion observed his team and their battle scars earned from the battle- before stopping and glancing at Tool-shed, who looked content and dazed, and his hair was crazy with static and matted. 

‘’Nice of you join us again Tool-shed. Arriving late has become a personal style for you hasn’t it?’’ Mysterion continued when Tool-shed didn’t respond, ‘’What did Human Kite throw at you this time to make you look like you just had sex against a garbage can?’’ 

Tool-shed gawked at Mysterion in horror as his heart skipped a beat. Was he that obvious? He quickly collected himself and scoffed.

‘’Whatever. Human kite flies and I catch him in the air. And get whipped around by the wind. You guys can’t talk anyway- after the battle bruises you got- Jesus, Tupperware looks like he’ll collapse.’’ 

‘’What! I’m not going to collapse- Tupperware is impervious to pain!’’ Tupperware denied, looking on the verge of vomiting into his helmet. 

Mysterion still looked suspicious but thankfully diverted his attention to the rest of the team, until they called it quits and the team went home for the day. 

Yet another week with the feud between the Coon and friends and freedom pals had passed in South Park. All Tool-shed could think of though was the closely arriving future of post-high-school and what that meant for him and Human Kite.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning after the civil war, Kyle Broflovski waited by the bus stop on the icy side of the road. He usually arrived first before his friends who met him at the same bus stop every morning for the past 10 years. 

He stared out into the distance towards his friend Kenny and nemesis Cartman walking over to him, silently preparing himself for an onslaught that would occur in approximately 4…3…2… ‘’Aye Kyal, tell Kenny the favor Hitler did for you sneaky Jews!’’ 

Kyle felt himself immediately drop his calm demeanor to feel blood rush to his face as he screamed out ‘’Fuck you Fatass! Shut the fuck up about Jewish people you racist sack of lard!’’ 

Oh well, he thought, Kyle never stayed calm in the presence of Eric Cartman anyway. He continued to scream out obscenities to the sadistic boy as Kenny McCormick stood beside Cartman and watched in amusement the verbal abuses the mortal enemies gave each other. 

Kenny’s infamous orange parka finally fit the boy properly, letting his charmingly mischievous face and sandy blonde hair show off- something no one saw for many years early in his life. All that was missing from this typical routine of a morning in south park was the unspoken leader of the group, Stan Marsh, to become the mediator of their arguments. 

Stan quietly slipped into place at the bus stop next to Kyle, who noticed his presence and dropped his anger in a flash, suddenly all sunshine when directing his attention to his best friend. He’d become good at switching emotions over the years, and it was very necessary, otherwise he’d have no friends left.

‘’Hey dude, how was your weekend? You hear about the fight those superheroes had again?’’ Kyle asked, bumping his shoulder against Stan’s. 

‘’Yeah dude, I saw it on the news. Apparently, some of them damaged a building from a lightning or laser beam or something. It’s dumb- their battles don’t accomplish anything,’’ Stan said.

Kyle nodded ‘’I know right- I mean they’ve done this nearly every week for a few years now. They could spend some of that time using their powers for good instead of fucking around!’’ 

Kyle felt glad Stan was on his side and wondered what it’d be like if he was on the freedom pals team- him and Stan could probably solve the feud from their own teams from within simultaneously with their linked thinking alone. 

Their thoughts were interrupted with Cartman’s loud whiny tone ‘’Welllll… you guys! While you guys fantasize about sucking each other’s dicks- I think the freedom pals should seriouslah stop riding the coattails of the Coon and friends, its fuckin’ sad.’’

Kyle was quick to retaliate from both his comment about him and Stan and defending his boyfriends team, ‘’Fuck off fatass, you probably only saying that because you’re the only one fat enough to be the vain fucking trash can who calls himself the Coon.’’

Cartman immediately recoiled as his face went red ‘’Aye! I am not the Coon- as awesome and pleasing it is to hear you think of me that way Kahl. So, go on- continue eye fucking each other in our plain view!’’ 

‘’You’re only jealous of my and Kyle’s relationship’’ Stan remarked.

Stan secretly smirked at Kyle in code as he wrapped his arm around Kyle shoulders, Kyle smirking back in understanding as he nuzzled his cheek against Stan’s staring straight at Cartman, then mock-affectionately at Stan as he said ‘’And who cares if I was fantasising about Stan’s dick- he’s gonna let me suck it all night long tonight.’’ 

Cartman jaw dropped, and his eyes bugged out in shock, until Kenny couldn’t contain himself and burst out laughing, Stan and Kyle joining in, holding their stomachs as they wheezed out breaths, their faces went red- making them cackle even more. Cartman stood in shock for a split second before understanding the joke, scowling and yelling-  
‘’Awww seriouslah! I should’ve known Kahl couldn’t admit his crush on Stan- screw you guys, I’m goin’ home!’’ 

He stomped off in a huff, leaving the giggling boys alone at the bus stop. Stan released Kyle from their fake embrace. Kenny chuckled.

‘’Damn you guys- I wouldn’t be surprised if you were dating, you’re so hot together- I’d have to carry a rag to calm down every time I saw you.’’ 

Kyle blushed and laughed awkwardly at the ground, and Stan shook his head and said ‘’you’re a sick bastard Kenny.’’ 

Kenny shrugged and said ‘’Doesn’t hurt to dream- who knows, it might happen later.’’ 

He pried further, ignoring their embarrassment, and asked ‘’Who are you guys dating anyway- I’ve heard barely anything from either of you, its suspicious? Kind of suspicion I have that you’re dating each other’’ 

Kenny smirked at them, and Stan and Kyle exchanged looks before Kyle said ‘’I’m not dating anybody, and I’m pretty sure Stan isn’t either cause he would’ve told his super best friend already’’ he looked at Stan for confirmation and he quickly nodded in agreement. Kenny sighed and stared out at the bus approaching, before saying ‘’I guess Style must remain purely in the realm of fantasy for the time being then. Or until you guys finally grow the balls to fuck’’ 

Kyle looked horrified and Stan scowled ‘’Aww sick dude! Don’t tell me you get off thinking about that.’’ Kenny shrugged and said ‘’Don’t blame me for thinking about how hot my two incredibly orgasmic friends would be together.’’ 

By then the bus pulled up at the stop and the boys climbed on, Kyle muttering ‘’Christ Kenny, Stan’s right; you are a sick perv’’ and Kenny proudly agreed. 

On the bus, Kyle climbed into the window seat at the back and Stan resumed to sit next to him- both still recovering from the disturbing news that hurt their brain cells. ‘’Hey Stan, you would’ve told me if you were dating anyone right?’’ 

Stan looked at Kyle, concerned at the sudden sad tone his friend adopted, and said ‘’Of course dude, unless there was a good reason.’’ 

Kyle glanced over to Stan’s innocent questioning eyes and looked down before saying, ‘’What if I had a good reason for not telling you?’’ Stan looked at Kyle in surprise and asked ‘’Wait! dude- are you seeing someone? Why wouldn’t you tell me?’’ 

Kyle looked down in guilt feeling his face heat up, ‘’It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, I tell you everything. They just don’t want me to reveal who they are. But I don’t think it’ll hurt if you promise not to tell anyone else.’’ 

Stan looked at Kyle in shock then guilt and said ‘’Sure dude- I promise. That’s crazy though- cause I’m in the same boat.’’ 

‘’What? You’re dating someone too? Why didn’t you tell me?’’ Kyle boggled at Stan, who retorted ‘’Well why didn’t you tell me about you dude? Since when is your reason good enough not to tell your super best friend?’’ 

‘’Fuck you- since when is yours good enough not to tell your super best friend?’’ 

‘’Well you tell me first!’’

‘’Hey asshole, I asked first- you tell me!’’

They both stared expectantly at each other sitting at the back of the bus, then Stan said ‘’Okay seriously though dude, I can’t tell you- just because of confidentiality or some shit like that. You don’t have to tell me your reason- I get it. Trust me I would’ve told you by now if it wasn’t important. You get it right?’’ Kyle kept a stubborn expression, crossing his arms and looking out the window as the bus travelled past the white dusted mountain town. 

Kyle sighed ‘’Fine don’t tell me. I just thought you would’ve been honest before that you even seeing someone. We’ve always told each other everything- and I don’t want that to stop’’ 

‘’Dude- you didn’t tell me about your relationship either- I’d hardly say you were blameless’’ 

‘’Well yeah! But- whatever, what are we even fighting about anymore?’’ 

‘’I don’t know dude.’’ 

‘’Okay then let’s just move on’’ 

‘’Fine’’ 

They silently watched the passing town through the window when stan spoke up again ‘’So does this person go to our school?’’ ‘’Wow’’ Kyle replied shaking his head to the seat in front of him.

‘’What? I’m curious! Like is this person our age or go somewhere else or what? And who even wants their identity hidden like that anyway- except a child molester or something?’’ Stan asked, glancing at Kyle’s disbelief while trying to look casual.

‘’I’m not getting myself involved in your jealous concern Stan’’ Kyle said, still refusing to meet Stan face, mortified.

‘’It’s not jealous concern- I’m just sceptical about a person who doesn’t want anyone to know they’re dating you- that’s what perverts do.’’ 

Kyle scoffed ‘’Right and your situation isn’t suspicious at all. You can’t act like a concerned friend when your situation is identical- what if your guy is a perv, and he’s hypnotised you into thinking it’s too cool to tell your best friend about. When really, he’s just trying to get into your pants without a criminal record.’’ 

‘’I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Kyle- I really wanted to, but I couldn’t, and I can’t tell you why I couldn’t either. I don’t know- you can hate me if you want, I guess I deserve it.’’ 

Kyle’s expression softened and he rubbed his forehead in frustration ‘’Ugh- damnit Stan, I’m sorry- I don’t hate you. It hurt me that you didn’t tell me either- but I guess I can’t talk.’’ 

They looked forward again for a moment before Stan realised something. ‘’Hang on- why did you just assume this person is a guy? I never said anything about that.’’ 

Fuck. 

Kyle’s face stiffened as he internally panicked at his own idiocy to out himself this way of all ways. 

‘’Oh shit. I didn’t even realise I was saying he. Well I guess because so far, our situation has been so similar, I assumed the rest of it would be too without thinking about it. Because uh, my person is. A… he, that is.’’ 

Kyle cringed at his own words and fully expected Stan to awkwardly bluff himself out of that conversation of Kyle’s sexuality. To his surprise Stan just stared in disbelief with his huge, blue eyes before muttering, ‘’That’s so crazy dude. I can’t believe it.’’ 

Kyle used his anger to lend strength to his voice when he scoffed, ‘’Well really, I thought it was obvious to others. Don’t act so shocked Stan, it’s not like I ever had a girlfriend or anything to make this seem so unbelievable.’’

‘’No-no’’ Stan rushed out, panicked, ‘’It’s not that! I mean that is surprising news, I had no idea and I’m cool with it and all but- it’s just so crazy. Because our situations are identical just like you assumed. And why I panicked before- because you hit the nail on the head, and I hadn’t even said anything about it.’’ 

Kyle wasn’t given enough time to process the tool pun before realisation swept over him ‘’Whoa- back the fuck up for a second. Did you- did you just say that yours is a guy too? That you like guys?’’ 

Stan’s voice became stronger as he explained, keeping his gaze away from Kyle’s incredulous stare ‘’I like this guy, but I don’t dwell on gender bullshit. That’s something he talked about, how all the labels for things like this are for Christians to worry about. So yeah, even though I would probably limit my preference for guys to this guy exclusively.’’ Stan bit his tongue as he was about to add and you and waited for a reaction, his face deep red.

Kyle sat studying Stan as he said ‘’Huh- that’s super weird, my guy would respond to me talking about it like that too. It’s as though you’re the same people. Huh.’’   
He still couldn’t piece together how suspiciously similar their stories were, but Stan seemed unconcerned, so why let it bother him? 

‘’Maybe you’ve just got a preference when it comes to guys?’’ Stan suggested impishly, to which Kyle laughed and playfully punched him. It felt good to know they could still rag on each other without tension, just like before when this weighty information discovered on the bus ride to school hadn’t been exposed and felt like it was going to change their friendship. 

The rest of the school day went by uneventful compared to the earlier confessions on the bus, and by the end of the day, it was as though nothing had happened or changed, both Stan and Kyle felt no need to change how they act to each other, if anything it was just another adventure they were so used to having as kids and had grown to treat with indifference. 

It was during the last class of the day when Stan was pulled aside by Kenny and told he had a message for him from Mysterion. 

‘’He wants to meet with you after class’’ Kenny whispered as Stan watched their surroundings for eavesdroppers. 

‘’Okay’’ Stan said slowly, ‘’What for?’’ 

‘’Hell Stan, how the fuck would I know? Just go see him and find out’’ and Kenny gave him a look that told him their conversation had ended and he walked away. 

Stan knew Kenny was just being secretive and coded, that he was Mysterion and he wanted to talk to Tool-shed, not Stan, to discuss something related to the freedom pals. He sighed and sat through the rest of the lesson, wondering if the initial coolness of superhero life had worn off and now it was just cutting into his life as a teenager. Stan hadn’t even gone to any parties, always too busy either helping his team on missions or humping Human Kite in his spare time. He wasn’t exactly complaining about this situation, it was always exciting to feel needed by his team for special gadgeteer jobs that not even Tupperware could accomplish, and he was always in ecstasy when he was with Kite, but sometimes he felt like he’d prefer to take Kite to high school parties (both out of their costumes) and gloat to everyone, finally, that he was with someone and they were no less than the hottest person in the room. Maybe then, people would stop implying him and Kyle were secret fuck buddies or whatever, it made him feel bad for Kyle, and a little guilty for sometimes wanting to be. Sometimes.

Stan made his way to the back of the school after the bell rang when Kyle ran up to him, panting as he held onto his shoulder to stop going any further. ‘’Goddammit Stan, I was calling for you to stop all the way back from class. Where are you even going?’’ Kyle asked between breaths. 

‘’Uh, nowhere, what’s up?’’ Kyle frowned and said ‘’Dude we were going to hang out this afternoon, I thought you were coming to my house.’’ 

Shit! He’d had forgotten about that when he agreed to meet Mysterion. 

‘’Um- I just need to do something first. I’ll come over later still if it’s okay. It’s just this one thing I got to do, I’m not sure how long I’ll be.’’ 

‘’Oh, okay. So, you’ll come over later then?’’ 

‘’Of course, dude, just let me do this one thing- I’m sure it won’t take too long’’ Stan assured him. Kyle sounded pissed off and vaguely disappointed, but Stan didn’t have time to comfort him right now. Mysterion could end him if he found out he’d ditched their meeting for Kyle, yet again. They exchanged goodbyes and Stan made a mental note to make it up to him later as he dashed to the nearest janitors closet once he was sure Kyle was out of sight. 

He could always count on janitors not to lock their storage rooms for a quick change of costume. Stan always packed his Tool-shed outfit with him for emergencies- though he couldn’t fit his sandblaster in his backpack, he made room for his screwdriver and nail gun. It didn’t seem necessary to have his tools visibly on hand for a meeting with Mysterion, but Stan decided to hold them anyway to show that he meant business. Mysterion was a formidable person who proved capable of fighting without any weapons but his nether born powers and brute strength, and if Tool-shed showed up without the aid of anything that he could use in battle, he’d look like a naïve jackass. To say the least, Stan was entirely afraid and intimidated by the dark cloaked hero and his opinion of him, even if his secret identity was just Kenny, the reckless, horny kid that just this morning ate the gum from under the lunch table for ten bucks. 

Tool-shed ducked out of the closet and scanned the halls for anyone. Deciding the coast was clear, he darted through the empty halls to the back of the school. He lingered near the back steps behind the school and was adjusting his nail gun around his utility belt when a dark flash appeared before him out of nowhere, kneeling on the ground and looking up at Tool-shed with a scowl of his shadowy face. 

Mysterion had a green question mark on his chest and on his head that bounced around on a spring. It was the only whimsical part of his get up, the rest of his grey one-piece and utility belts overshadowed by a long dark cape that covered his head and body and masked his face. He stood up and approached Tool-shed with a swish, now standing behind him and staring past into the carpark, while Tool-shed awkwardly turned to him and said ‘’You wanted to discuss something Mysterion?’’ 

Mysterion didn’t face Tool-shed, just continued looking out as though he wasn’t there, until he said ‘’I have a mission for you Tool-shed, for you to carry out alone. These orders have not been authorised by Doctor Timothy, but I believe they are of utmost importance for the wellbeing of the freedom pals. I’m sure you notice the blatant attacks on us from Coon and friends, and their incessant need to attack us whenever they get word of missions we are doing. They are getting bolder in their treachery, and it won’t be long before our entire franchise will be overtaken with the necessity to take care of them instead of real missions. I am trying to prevent that eventuality- but the doctor won’t hear me out. He believes they are children who need to be humoured- but we are giving them too much attention as it is. I know you are already occupied giving your attention to Kyle to care- but we need to start focusing on real problems in our town.’’ 

Tool-shed blushed, but didn’t bother correct him, ‘’Anyway, I want to do something to stop their shenanigans while we have the time. I believe they may have something hidden from us that could help. I’m still working out the details of how we find them- but I know where we can find out more to help our case. This is where you come in. I have been working undercover with a third party for a few years now for background checks and so forth, and they have the skills necessary to hack the Coon’s accounts for information- but I can’t convince them to do it. They know my allegiance to the freedom pals and hatred for Coon and friends, and because they need to remain neutral for both parties, they refuse to help us against them. I need you to see them and convince them to help us.’’ 

Tool-shed back-reared a bit and said ‘’Hang on- how am I supposed to convince them? If you can’t do it then there’s no way, I can! You’re like the scariest person I’ve ever seen- plus you’ve had them do this kind of thing for years now. I think you’d still have a better chance’’ 

Mysterion kept his stormy expression as he continued, ‘’It’s not about intimidation- they are immune to it. You’ll understand why I need you to do this instead of me when you go to see them. I don’t expect you to earn their trust immediately- but hopefully over time they’ll be able to do it. I’m going to send you to them for background checks from now on as well to build the trust. I usually do it myself, but we need you to have a reason to see them. I’ll give you a mission for him to analyse now, we need to get this done quickly.’’ 

Mysterion handed him a police report for a missing person and then a slip of paper with writing on it. ‘’This is their address- I suggest you enter the least obvious way of detection until you know they are alone, then talk.’’ Mysterion said as Tool-shed scanned the address and his eyes widened in realisation. 

‘’Whoa what the- this is Kyle’s address. He’s the third party? The person who’s done undercover work for you?’’ 

‘’He prefers to remain anonymous’’ Mysterion corrected ‘’so I suggest not saying his name. But- yes, he is the best at programming and the smartest in the class, so naturally he was the first choice when I recruited help. So far, he has been very helpful with our causes- though remaining indifferent to us and coon and friends still annoys me. He does it to protect himself from accusations of favouritism on the Coon’s part. I thought you might have a better chance of convincing him to help us- because you know him better than anyone.’’ 

‘’He doesn’t know me as Tool-shed though. I’m a stranger to him like this’’ Tool-shed argued. 

‘’You know him though- and in the end that might end up being more important. Even if our efforts are in vain- it’s always good to get another ally. I suggest you see him now and get it over with.’’ 

And with a swish of his cloak he vanished into the shadows. Tool-shed stared blankly into the distance before realising he agreed to meet Kyle as Stan already. He would have to get this over with first, he decided as he texted Kyle- something came up- I might be a while longer. I’ll see you back at yours. He knew Kyle got pissed off when Stan ditched him, so he was not expecting a very chipper meeting when he came over. 

Tool-shed went over to Kyle’s house and climbed inside through Kyle’s bedroom window, dropping in silently as he watched Kyle bend over his desk studying. He would have to play this smart if he didn’t want Kyle getting suspicious of who he was, if he acted too Stan-ish Kyle would recognise him and blow his cover.

**

Kyle had gone home feeling rejected, shrugging past his mother and Ike on his way up the stairs to his room using the excuse of homework to get away from their nagging questions and over-attachment to his stormy emotions. He wasn’t pissed at Stan so much as annoyed with himself for feeling depressed Stan ditched him for something he wouldn’t even disclose. He’d received the text message: something came up- I might be a while longer. I’ll see you back at yours, while he was walking home. Trying to ignore the emotions bubbling in his throat, Kyle decided to do the homework to kill some time before Stan came over- that’s if he turned up at all. 

He delved deep into it, deciding he may as well get an education while he was waiting for Stan to grace him with an appearance, like his whole life revolved around him. No, it didn’t- and Kyle could feel lonely and depressed if he wanted to, it’s not like Stan made him feel this way, he was hormonal teenager for god’s sake! The presence of Stan filling his chest with simultaneous pain and warmth had nothing to do with it. 

Kyle groaned and pushed himself away from his work, sick of distracting himself with this bullshit about Stan, when he glanced around his room in frustration and nearly had a heart attack when he saw a figure standing right before him in front of his window. 

He gasped and leapt away from his desk when he saw that this figure was Tool-shed, grinning at him. 

‘’What the fuck! Tool-shed? What are you doing here?’’ Kyle exclaimed, panicking that his identity has been exposed. 

Tool-shed walked forward and said ‘’Sorry to disturb you, but I’ve come here on a mission, and I know you help Mysterion with background checks on occasion. I was hoping you could help me out in this respect as well. I’m sure you’d love to get some superhero action to spice up your menial citizen life.’’ Tool-shed smirked and Kyle would have laughed at his cocky determination if he wasn’t so shocked and furious that Mysterion allowed his operations to be inspected by any go-lucky hero who needed help, even if this was Tool-shed, his Tool-shed. He trusted Mysterion not to let the freedom pals know of his undercover assistance, out of solidarity to the Coon and friends, who were his team if nothing else. Even though this was Tool-shed, and he was different from the others. 

‘’What is it you need help with?’’ He asked, quite sure the freedom pals were working an angle, because whenever they needed help Mysterion would talk to him personally, never sending someone else to do his dirty work. 

‘’I’ve got a police report for a missing persons case that I was hoping you could find more information about. So far, any leads I had have been squashed, but I’ve heard of your amazing computer analysis skills and I figured you’d love to impress your favourite superhero.’’ 

Kyle raised an eyebrow and sat back down at his desk, watching as Tool-shed made himself comfortable on his bed. It was kind of a dream come true to see his boyfriend on his bed instead of their warehouse hideout, but he wouldn’t get the pleasure of ripping his clothes off and riding him on his bed, as he was still Kyle and Tool-shed didn’t know him, so that dream was dampened. 

‘’I wouldn’t make yourself at home before I actually agree to do this if I were you, to save yourself looking like a jackass’’ Kyle said, hoping that might discourage him from looking any goddamn cuter. Tool-shed didn’t falter.

‘’Why awkwardly stand around when there’s a perfectly good bed to lie on? Oh, and I can tell you’ve already agreed to the job- I can see it in you Kyle’’ He said, pointing at Kyle, was still standing.

‘’I prefer to remain an anonymous informant for the freedom pals, and my alliance is neutral for both parties- so don’t expect me to strictly assist you guys for missions.’’ Kyle is proud of his factual tone and dreading that might change for the worse if he lets his guard down.

He grabbed the police report from Tool-shed’s hands and went back over to his computer, frowning when he studied the report and saw the open and shut case for the missing person. 

‘’Uh- I don’t know if you read this but- there’s nothing for me to do here. This investigation is mostly cleaned up already.’’ 

Kyle stared over to Tool-shed, who was visibly flustered and stammering an excuse. Oh yeah, it’s obvious now they want something else, Kyle knew Tool-shed wasn’t this stupid.   
‘’Oh right- I was just uh, wondering if there was anything else you could find about it, you know that the police didn’t find.’’ 

This was cute at first, but Tool-shed was really starting to get on Kyle’s nerves.

‘’Okay- cut the crap, what do you really need from me? There’s no way you didn’t read the report and see for yourself if it was important enough to recruit my help. What do the freedom pals want?’’ 

Tool-shed sat up and huffed ‘’So you saw through that huh? I figured I couldn’t fool you for long.’’ Tool-shed shook his head, clicking his tongue. ‘’You’re too smart for your own good Kyle.’’ 

‘’That’s beside the point, what did you really come here for?’’ Kyle asked, ready to give Mysterion a piece of his mind for attempting to deceive him when he saw him next.   
‘’Okay fine. I’ll admit I wasn’t being completely honest- but this is important, and Mysterion thought it would be better if I asked you instead of him. You know how…aloof, he can be. He wants you to research the coon and friends and… find their weaknesses.’’ 

Kyle sighed and crossed his arms, shaking his head ‘’You know I can’t do that Shed. I’m a neutral third party and if I help you like this the Coon will kick my ass. I always try to avoid altercations with the fatass. I’m sorry but I can’t help you guys.’’ 

Tool-shed sighed and ran his gloved hand through his hair, and Kyle couldn’t help stare. His hair was currently tousled and sticking up around his forehead, silky black strands curtaining his gorgeous dark blue eyes. 

He shook himself out of his trance, re-evaluating the benefits of helping the freedom pals get one over coon and friends. The only benefit he could see right now was how grateful Tool-shed would be, how cute his messy, inky hair would look when he thanked Kyle for his help, and Kyle would probably help them just to see it. But, no- he couldn’t betray his team like that, they’d forever consider Kyle one of their enemies. His team didn’t know his identity, right now it was for the best because if they knew he helped freedom pals in his spare time they’d kick his ass to the curb and not even the freedom pals would accept him into their team- regardless of Tool-shed’s pleas. 

Oh lord- Tool-shed just gave him the puppy eyes, he’s done for, at Tool-shed’ mercy. 

‘’I know you can’t help us against coon and friends. It was worth a shot though. We’d still really appreciate your continued service for other missions. But… I don’t suppose you could explain how you would’ve uncovered their secrets if you did though?’’ Tool-shed asked, giving Kyle the puppy eyes again and hopeful smile that made him want to hide him under his bed forever. 

Kyle pondered for a moment for negotiations sake- he was fully planning on agreeing.

‘’Well I suppose I could- if this remains confidential and you never reveal who taught you how to program.’’ 

Kyle glared at Tool-shed gravely as he returned with a smile and an eager nod. 

‘’Of course, I won’t- it’ll be our secret.’’ 

Kyle tried hard to remain serious and composed as he returned to his computer and motioned Tool-shed to watch, but he was giddy at the prospect of sharing yet another secret with him- even if the he was unaware the first one applied to Kyle. Tool-shed beamed and scuttled out of the bed over to the desk and knelt to face the computer. 

‘’Okay then, we’ll start with the leader; the coon has multiple active accounts in his name- whether it be social media, or financing, he is the easiest person to search and most likely to be harbouring information most relevant to you and your fight to destroy them from the ground up. I suggest starting with Coonstagram, even though his profile is mostly forged to appeal to his followers, you can use his contacts to find other accounts affiliated with him and the team and from there you can cross-reference these accounts to his financial records. To access these records, you are required to hack into the database, but you’ll need more practise with programming to advance this far, so for now we’ll focus on other members of coon and friends’’

Kyle swallowed and flushed ‘’Let’s start with Human Kite.’’ 

Kyle didn’t miss Tool-shed’s visible fluster but pretended to not notice. 

‘’So, we’ll start with his Coonstagram account, where you can analyse his contacts for any possible information of him that contradicts the values of the coon and friends, but if there’s nothing you can use other media accounts to do the same. I’ve previously researched for information on him and he was clean, so you will not find any useful information from his accounts.’’ 

Tool-shed breathed a sigh of relief, and Kyle internally scoffed. He knew how to clean his profile, and Tool-shed knew that Human Kite was adept in programming, so it was annoying to know he was worrying Human Kite might have any secrets to expose them. 

‘’So let’s move on to the others’’ Kyle continued, and they spent a while longer teaching Tool-shed the basics of computer research, when he suddenly remembered Stan would be coming over soon and he did not want to be caught with Tool-shed in his room. 

‘’We should probably leave it at this and resume next time you come over. Check that I’m home when you come and for god’s sake make sure I’m decent before you barge in through the window.’’ 

‘’Aww- are you worried I’ll see more than I’m supposed to?’’ Tool-shed chuckled and Kyle felt his face heat up. 

‘’Yes, I am. I didn’t even know you were standing at my window before. You were lucky I was only doing homework.’’ 

Tool-shed nodded ‘’Alright I’ll go. I wouldn’t want to see any more of your hot body and have no choice but to nail you to the wall with mine.’’ Tool-shed winked and walked to the window. 

Kyle shook his head and said ‘’Wow’’, forgetting for the moment that was Kite’s line and if Tool-shed got the hint, he might uncover his identity, and that could not happen. He panicked and watched for Tool-shed’s reaction. 

Tool-shed snickered and said ‘’That’s funny, that’s exactly what Human Kite says when I make a pun.’’ 

He breathed in relief when Tool-shed didn’t seem to make the connection after that, but then suddenly felt urged to test him. 

‘’Why are you making puns at Human Kite when you’re on opposite sides?’’ Kyle asked. 

Tool-shed turned to him and said ‘’We’re enemies, everyone knows that. He hates my puns- so naturally I say them even more to piss him off. If he gave an annoyed response like yours- wouldn’t you taunt him even more for it?’’ 

Kyle shrugged ‘’I guess that makes sense. Though you don’t sound very hateful of him right now- like truly hateful. And I know what I’m talking about- I know Mysterion, and he talks about the Coon as though he’s a recreation of Hitler who created cancer and used it to kill his family. That is true hatred, and I just don’t sense that with you and Kite. It almost sounds like you like him. And it sounds like he likes you too- if he gives a response like mine to your bad puns. Like they’re secretly endearing.’’ 

Tool-shed stared at Kyle, squinting incredulously at him and smirked ‘’So you find my puns endearing huh?’’ 

Kyle is proud of Tool-shed for dodging that accusation so fluidly, and confident in his ability to keep their secret, though right now he’s forgetting himself in the fact that Shed is flirting with him, and his eyes are so distracting that Kyle wants to wipe the smirk off his face with his tongue, costume or no- identity be damned. But no, Tool-shed is just distracting him, and he wants to test his denial some more before he kicks him out for the night, so he can see Stan and drown his arousal in videogames. 

‘’You’d like that wouldn’t you.’’ Kyle smirks back ‘’But I think Kite likes you- I think it’s obvious in the way he talks about you.’’ 

‘’Wait- you talk to Human Kite too?’’ and finally that distracting smirk is wiped off his face, and finally Kyle can stop thinking about kissing it off. 

‘’Remember I am a third party, and Coon and friends come to me for help too. I’m sure everyone knows Kite can program himself, and sometimes we compare notes and advice. What are you looking at me like that for?’’ 

Tool-shed was staring hopefully at Kyle, eyes widened, and he swallowed and said ‘’So- you’ve met Kite, and he, um, has told you he likes me?’’ 

Well forget that he was covering his ass. Now he’s damned himself into a spider web, looking elated that Kite revealed to Kyle he likes him, as though they could have a relationship because Tool-shed obviously feels the same way. If Kyle was anyone else, he would have realised this and Tool-shed and Kite would be screwed, revealed and most likely exposed to everyone. Tool-shed is not as discreet as Kyle thought. 

‘’More like very obviously pointed it out by failing to hide his glee when your name came up, but yeah.’’ 

Tool-shed blushed, then shook his head and said ‘’It doesn’t matter if he does, I’m seeing someone already anyway.’’ 

Bravo! He might have saved himself after all with that, but then Kyle panicked when he realised that Tool-shed might be serious, he might be with someone else as well, maybe even as his secret identity. That’s it, Kyle had enough and if he must uncover their relationship and be a secret keeper for them, so be it. 

‘’Oh yeah, who then?'' Tool-shed was flustered, and Kyle felt bad for putting him on the spot like this but was determined to uncover them. 

''Uh, that's beside the point.'' 

''Yeah'' Kyle agreed ''Because it’s obvious you're in love with him.'' 

Tool-shed eyes widened, shaking his head and denying ''No, no!'' 

Kyle interrupted ''But you are, you don't have to deny it. Come on dude- just fess up. I see through you. It's cool dude, I'm not going to tell anyone. I know how universally important it is for your teams.'' 

Tool-shed shook his head, still beet red and sighed, distracting Kyle again by pulling his hand through his messed-up hair. 

''Jesus Kyle. You're too smart for your own good. How the hell did you even figure that out?'' 

Kyle scoffed ''Seriously Shed, you're not as smooth and confident as you think you are. I saw the blush every time I said his name. He's not that good at hiding it either. You guys are dating, aren't you?'' 

Tool-shed stood motionless for a moment, nodded, looking away from Kyle and quietly adding ''I’d really appreciate it if you don't tell anyone.'' 

''Of course,'' Kyle said, softly. 

''I should probably go- thanks for everything. And thanks for you know what.'' Tool-shed backed away and escaped his room, back into the darkness of the night. 

Of course, Kyle will keep the secret for them, for as long as Shed needs, he'll do anything for him. Kyle sighed and walked over to his bed, collapsing on it making it bounce as he stared up to the ceiling. To hell with homework for now, he needed to think about what he just forced out of Tool-shed. It wasn't that hard to get him to crack, even if he knew what he was looking for, but for someone who was genuinely curious and harassed the truth out of him, who knows how much he'd reveal. 

His thoughts were interrupted as Stan burst into his room, hair matted under his poof-ball hat and jacket haphazardly shrugged over him.

''Hey dude- sorry I'm late.'' 

Kyle sat up, only embarrassed about being caught lying around in bed for a second when he saw Stan's crumpled up appearance. He frowned in confusion. 

''Shit Stan, you look like you just got laid. Is that what was more important than hanging out after agreeing to hang out before you made any other plans?'' 

Stan's eyes widened, before shaking his head and saying ''What- no way dude! Something important came up. But I’m here now, and that’s over.'' 

''Well Stan, I'm sorry I got in the way of your important event and inconvenienced you so. Maybe I was busy too you know. Not everything revolves around you. Maybe I'm the one who was getting laid, because I’m sick of waiting around for you to show up and bless me with your presence.'' 

Stan scoffed, walking over to sit on the bed when Kyle grudgingly made room for him. ''As if you got laid dude. That's unless your secret molester boyfriend came by through your window.'' 

Kyle faltered at how close Stan was to the truth. 

''Maybe he did. What do you care?'' 

''No, he didn't Kyle, I'd know about it if he tried to do that.'' 

''How the hell would you know jackass?'' 

''Because you retard, my house is next door, I can see your room from mine. I'd know about it if some old man broke a hip trying to get in and hump you in your sleep.''   
Kyle laughed and shoved Stan, who grinned. 

''Fuck Stan, it's not an old man, stop being a jealous psycho.'' 

''Well you won't talk about him; I must assume the worst. It's either an old man or a kindergartener. Would you rather me assume you’re a victim or a perv?''   
''Oh yeah and which are you- if you apparently find yourself in such a similar situation?'' 

Stan grinned ''checkmate.'' They laughed and shoved each other around some more before setting up the usual routine. Hardcore, non-stop videogaming.

It appears all prejudices about boyfriends were forgotten as they pummelled each other's characters, sitting on the floor of Kyle's bedroom where his console rested next to his desk. It was a nice distraction from the worries of things Kyle seemed to have made worse for himself in the span of one afternoon. Even in the hazy beginnings of a war no one would win, Stan always made Kyle feel at ease, and he felt this now as he glanced over to Stan where he sat, tongue poking out as he concentrated on smashing his controller buttons and watched his character decimate Kyle's. 

He realised he'd been looking at Stan for too long when he blushed at his goofy little victory cheer, watching his black hair cling to his forehead in sweat and cheeks go pink from excitement. He caught himself abstractly imagining licking his flushed, pink cheeks, and scolded himself, embarrassed and disgusted for letting himself think something like that. It was probably just his brain jacking off, telling him if he didn't go to sleep soon, he'd start mistaking Stan for Tool-shed, which was absurd and dangerous. The only thing Kyle could see they had in common right now in his fogged-out state was their hair and height. And maybe the blushing cheeks that Kyle was starting to feel very urged to lick and absorb their heat. No- he really needed to go to sleep and realised how exhausted he really was when he surged toward Stan for a second, about to carry out his insane plan to suck the heat from his face. He thanked the gods Stan didn't notice his sudden flailing at his side and spoke up before risking anything worse. 

''Dude, I had a really weird day, and I'm exhausted.'' He thought about yawning for effect, but apparently thinking about it made him do it naturally. ''So, would it be rude of me if I asked you to fuck off out of here so I can go to bed?'' 

Stan sat his controller down and said ''Yeah dude- that would be very rude of you. I'm tired too, so for that I'm sleeping over here for tonight.'' 

''Oh, come on- you live next door. Just march your lazy ass a few steps and you're in your own bed.'' Kyle reminded him, trying to act casual, when really his heart was beating faster with excitement. Maybe he could sleep tonight instead enacting of the old treacherous plan of homework to distract him from his insomnia.

''Yeah but it's a few less steps to just crash onto your bed instead. I called my mom before and she said it's fine.'' 

Kyle quirked his eyebrows ''You confirmed with your mom before even confirming with me?'' 

''Yeah, because I knew you'd agree. That is unless you made plans with your molester tonight'' Stan smirked, Kyle rolled his eyes: giving Stan all the confirmation he needed that, no Kyle wasn't visiting Tool-shed, and no Kyle wasn't refusing Stan's proposal to stay the night. 

Stan hopped up from the floor and removed his jacket. He had his pyjama top underneath and shirked his jeans off, only revealing his boxers for a second before he flopped onto Kyle's bed and snuggled under the blankets. 

''Um excuse me. Who the hell said you could sleep in my bed? Get your pansy ass on the floor with a sleeping bag.'' 

Kyle crossed his arms and glared down at Stan's cuddled up figure making a pathetic face at him. He usually rejoiced for sleepovers with Stan, his only source of a good night’s sleep was recorded when Stan was sleeping next to him on their small twin beds, having to scramble their legs together for room in the cramped, cosy space. Tonight, was different though, because usually when they were getting ready for bed Kyle wasn’t sporting an erection, usually he wasn’t abstractly envisioning his tongue lapping at Stan’s cheek, or checking Stan’s lap for some similar predicament, like what he was going through was some typical best friends thing that happened from time to time. So, either Kyle somehow shirk away from the cramped space in bed all night or break their unspoken arrangement for a night that Stan is required in Kyle’s bed. The risks were significant, but Kyle couldn’t pass up sleeping opposite Stan, the one person who made him capable of sleeping peacefully, boners be damned.

''There's plenty of room for you too dude. I'm not getting on the floor- it's way too cold.'' 

Kyle sighed, a little put on as he changed into his pyjamas and walked out of the room to brush his teeth. While he was out in the hallway bathroom he thought, Stan isn't acting weird about sharing a bed with him after learning about his boyfriend, he didn't seem to realise the potential awkwardness at all. This was a relief to Kyle, who had been over-thinking the possible implications of their friendship that would need to change, like sharing a bed on sleepovers, even when they were much too big for Kyle's to fit properly and they often had to overlap legs to fit in and stay inside the warmth of the blanket on cold nights like these. He didn’t want to think of the implications of why that was the only way he could sleep anymore- strewn across Stan haphazardly in the safety of his bed.

He finished up and got under the covers with Stan, who looked already partly asleep, though he was stupidly smiling at his little victory over Kyle’s bed. Kyle pushed Stan's legs out of the way to fit in the bed, and Stan just squirmed in between Kyle's and clamped them there, sighing after the effort of getting comfortable again. Kyle felt too bony and awkward at the time to be bothered by Stan's steadying breath. Kyle wrinkled his nose. 

''Ugh dude- you didn't brush your teeth. Your breath stinks.'' 

Stan murmured ''Ngh-Too tired. Can't get up.'' 

Kyle hit his slumped shoulder, berating him. 

''I'm not putting up with that. Stanley, you get up right now and clean your teeth before I kick you out into the cold in your boxers.'' 

Stan grunted and dragged himself off into the bathroom, muttering ''Fine mom.'' 

Kyle tried not to stare and failed as Stan left and Kyle got a nice view of his ass, covered by cute green boxers that partly rode up his leg as he walked. Fuck- who the hell calls his best friend’s boxers cute? They were though, lime green like Kyle’s hat. Kyle had a blue pair with red polka dots like Stan’s hat and it was kind of an inside joke when they were younger, like they were wearing each other’s signature colours. It was delightful that Stan still had them and wore them, though now all Kyle could think of in his half-awake mind was that Stan was abstractly wearing Kyle’s hat over his ass, and it was also concealing his crotch. He recollected an old joke from fourth grade, where Stan had to get up in front of the class and announce how he wanted to wear Kyle’s ass as a hat for all eternity or something. He turned over in bed, trying to think of anything else and begging his brain to stop jacking off. It worked, that is until Stan got back into bed and reorganised their legs to fit in the bed, and Kyle smelled the toothpaste on his breath as he sighed again in annoyance. 

''You’re such a bitch sometimes Kyle.'' Stan muttered as he closed his eyes and nuzzled the pillow. Kyle was losing it; his mind was completely jacked, and he knew he was compromised when he felt the urge to nuzzle Stan's cheek. Afraid of letting his guard down in the night, he had to think of something, anything else that could distract him from what he considered betrayal on his emotions part. 

''Who's your favourite superhero in this town?'' Kyle blurted to Stan, desperate for an escape and only able to recollect earlier events. Stan rolled towards Kyle, his eyes surprisingly open and alert as he stared at Kyle. 

''Human Kite.'' he answered without thinking about it or missing a beat. 

Out of all the answers Kyle could have heard, he was least expecting Kite to come out of Stan's mouth, and in some ways, he was immensely flattered, in others very distressed. He'd asked that question wanting to start a conversation about other heroes to distract him from the problem aching in his underwear, but this just made it ten times worse. The fact that his best friend, or something else according to his dick, liked his superhero persona better than any others- including Tool-shed and fucking Mysterion, he was too curious to find out more than worry about how his nether regions would respond. And that was just plain self-destructive.

''Why? What makes you like him more than all the others?'' Kyle asked, and Stan didn't hesitate to explain, ‘‘Cause dude, he's the coolest one. He can fly, shoot lasers out of his eyes, heal people better than surgeons can. Plus, he's really, really hot in that costume'' 

Uh-oh, that is the opposite of what he needed to hear right now, now he's got to regulate his breathing and think about something completely unsexy to get rid of the throbbing erection between his legs that's now leaking into his underwear. So naturally when he needs to think about something unsexy, he just must go and be Kyle and think about the sexiest motherfucker of the goddamn planet. 

''My favourite is Tool-shed'' Kyle said, biting his tongue when he realized what an idiot he was, now of course Stan would ask why, and of course he's having to explain and fall deeper into a sweltering mess. Maybe he'd have to excuse himself into the bathroom to relieve the pressure. The idea didn't seem so bad, and Kyle was about to enact it, anything to relieve his chaffing dick, when Stan poked him and woke him out of his trance. 

''Wha, huh?''

''I asked why'' Stan clarified ''Why do you like Tool-shed best?'' 

''Oh- uh…'' 

Oh god here he goes. 

''I- uh like him the most because he's got a pretty cool power. Like it’s not a typical one like flying or speed or strength. It's unique, mental command over power tools, I mean that's awesome. He's also got the whole confident persona- with the tool-puns and stuff. So yeah- plus he's got that godly look about him’’ Kyle explained ‘’But that's beside the point'' Kyle rushed out, face on fire. 

Both Kyle and Stan were blushing by the time Stan spoke up again. ''You like his tool-puns? Why? Their pretty dumb and annoying.'' 

''No dude, that's what makes him good, the fact that he knows they're bad and says them anyway. It's kind of like flipping off all the insecurity bullshit and implying like- this is how you feel secure in yourself. Make bad jokes to piss people off.'' 

''Wow dude'' Stan looked pretty blown apart ''That's really nice of you.'' 

''That's nice of me? Are you so flattered because your tool-shed or something.'' Kyle chuckled, but Stan looked shocked. 

''No- I mean like you're like a super-fan or something- yeah.'' 

Stan frowned and looked away from Kyle's incredulous glare. 

''Well if I’m a super fan of Tool-shed for those things, that makes you an ultra-mega super fan of Human Kite for the things you said'' Kyle prodded at him playfully.  
''I guess I am.'' Stan mumbled before turning over, away from Kyle apparently ending the conversation. 

Kyle's problem in his pants in the meantime, hadn't gone away. And now he was faced with the idea that it was only a few inches away from Stan's ass, he could scoot over and hump Stan's backside if he wanted. In his head of course, the idea of doing it made Kyle feel nauseous, and a little excited- which was always bad news.   
That’s it, he knew his rational thinking was gone when he considered the benefits of coming on Stan’s back, as though he was going do it. He had to get out of this bed, firstly, away from the boy making his body betray him. 

''I'll be back.'' Kyle said, rushing out of bed and nearly falling on the floor as he tried to make it to the bathroom, ignoring Stan’s concerned questioning.

He was feeling delirious, sweltering in his pants as he stumbled into the bathroom, didn't turn any lights on. He was close to coming, would only need a few tugs, and didn't need to see himself in guilt of what he was doing while his best friend slept in the next room. Thinking this, and that Stan might be thinking about Human Kite in Kyle's bed he bit down a moan and thought about how Stan described him. Apparently, Kite was hot, according to Stan, who Kyle didn't know thought of guys that way until this morning. Oh god, that meant Stan thought Kyle was hot in his Human Kite costume, that Kyle was hot. He yanked his underwear down, pulled on his throbbing erection, and came in his hand a few seconds later, and he had to bite down into his fist to withhold a pathetic cry. The thrill of doing something so devious faded quickly, and the guilt and humiliation swooped in.   
He cleaned himself up, tucked his dick back into his pajamas, and spent a few minutes huddled in the bathtub, rubbing his face in disbelief for what he just did. 

He jerked himself off to Stan, and it was the first time he did so since he started dating Tool-shed. It wasn’t exactly cheating as such, he thought, but he felt like he was betraying Shed by getting off on someone who wasn’t him, maybe the only person who meant more to him than Tool-shed did. He’d come to Stan before, but he was much younger and still figuring out his feelings. At the time he’d wanted to try jerking off, but he didn’t like anyone, and girls sucked ass. He’d seen enough of Wendy to know he’d never want any part of that noise. He thought of Stan instead, because they were close, he needed some kind of happy memories to work with, which Stan had plenty, and he thought, why the hell not? He’d felt guilty back then too, but he never remembered it being so jarring like this- this guilt sweeping over him making him feel bad for having a dick in the first place. He was starting to get this crappy feeling he knew all too well, the desperate pining for Stan when he knew even back then that he’d never feel the same, even if he was gay too, he was dating someone already and that person would never be Kyle. 

Screw this, he thought, sitting up in the bathtub. He is with Tool-shed, the sexiest motherfucker in the whole world, the love of his life, the one person that reminds him of Stan so much it’s scary. He shouldn’t still be feeling this way when Tool-shed makes him so happy. He shouldn’t be depressing himself over the fact that he’s not with Stan, it’s too old, too pathetic to relive. He remembers something Stan said about Human Kite, that he was Kite’s biggest fan. This was too flattering for Kyle to suppress his awe when he heard it, but now he feels obligated to do something with that information. The fact that he’s Human Kite, and that he’s never gone to see Stan in his disguise sounds cruel, considering what Kyle now knows about him. Maybe he thought if Stan didn’t like Human Kite when they met it would be too crushing for Kyle to be able to handle, or something equally lame. Now it’s irrelevant, because Kyle needs to make it up to Stan for beating off to him 3 minutes ago, by introducing him to his hero. It’s a distraction at least. He felt confident to enact this plan tomorrow as he crept out of the bathroom and ducked back under the covers where Stan lay sleeping. Stan pulled his legs back over Kyle’s in a shameless grip, still unconscious and Kyle sighed. It didn’t feel incriminating now, just innocent, their legs clamped around each other, he didn’t even feel guilty. As long as he could justify it with the innocent intention of repaying Stan by having Kite pay him a visit.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day came around and Kyle didn’t feel as uncomfortable as he thought he would come morning, having escaped Stan’s sweet obliviousness to jerk off in the bathroom in the middle of the night. He turned over to see Stan still passed out, on his stomach as his arms splayed out over the edge of the single mattress. He let himself stare in his groggy, half-awake state until Stan woke with a groan, turning over to look at Kyle with a frown. 

‘’What time is it?’’ he asked, and Kyle shook himself out of his trance. He coughed out ‘’8 o’ clock.’’ 

Stan lay on his back and sighed ‘’Why the hell are you awake so early, and for that matter why am I right now?’’ 

‘’It’s the weekend dude, we’ve got to make the most out it. We aren’t going to remember if we’re asleep, are we?’’ 

‘’But sleeping is how I enjoy weekends’’ Stan whined. 

‘’Come on dude, let’s go bother Kenny. Maybe we can go see a movie.’’ 

Kyle rustled up and dragged Stan up to get dressed. It never felt awkward after impromptu sleepovers, even at 17 years old, Stan and Kyle were shameless with each other. Kyle remembered the task he set out with last night, going to see Stan as the Human Kite at some point, as they walked down into main street to see what movies were on. They had called Kenny to come down and hang out, where they would meet at the theatres and pick a movie together. He had yet to arrive, so Stan and Kyle were browsing films playing today. 

‘’How bout’ this one? One of the foreign films.’’ Stan said, scanning a booklet at the front ticket booth. 

Kyle leaned over to see where Stan was pointing and guffawed. ‘’Seriously dude, Asses of Fire? Haven’t we seen it like a million times now?’’ 

‘’So, it’s fucking hilarious. There’s nothing else on right now. Plus, it’s one of those movies that have become really cheap to see cause’ it’s been out for so many years now.’’ 

‘’Dude I’m not seeing that movie again. I’ve basically memorised the lines.’’ 

‘‘Sup dudes’’ a voice came out of nowhere. 

They both turned to see Kenny, still in his orange parker, grinning at them. 

‘’Find anything worth seeing?’’ he asked, and they shook their heads. 

‘’Stan wants to see Asses of Fire…again’’ Kyle pointed out.

‘’So? That movie kills. Literally- like I died from it.’’ 

‘’What?’’ Kyle asked, puzzled, but Stan just waved his hand in rebuttal. 

‘’He’s just high again.’’ 

Kenny chuckled, but Stan gave him a look that shut him up, though he was still smiling. Kyle was confused, and a little hurt Stan knew something he didn’t tell him about. Kyle told Stan everything, that is except for the superhero thing, and recently his guilty arousal. 

‘’Whatever. So, what are we going to watch?’’ he asked.

‘’Man screw this place. Let’s go get cartman and hang out at Starks pond.’’ 

‘’Dude, why would we hang out with the fatass voluntarily?’’ Kyle asked. 

‘’Dude, it’s the gang. We can’t hang out at Starks pond without the whole gang.’’ Kenny said, and Stan nodded ‘’That’s true dude, come on Kyle it won’t be so bad.’’ 

Kyle grimaced, because it was bad- all the time, and it’s like they refused to believe what a horrible person he was. It was bad enough having to tolerate him as the Coon, the leader of their team but at least then he didn’t know who Kite really was and didn’t rip on his religion there too. He was obviously outvoted, and he didn’t want to be a buzzkill, so he sucked in his pride, but he couldn’t promise to keep it there.

‘’Goddammit’’ he muttered, and Kenny cheered. 

‘’Woohoo, princess Broflovski gave her blessing!’’ 

They all walked away from the cinemas, toward Starks pond. Kyle was feeling less chipper for the weekend than usual, and Stan bumped his shoulder when he noticed his less talkative attitude. 

‘’Don’t worry Kyle. We’ll hang out at my house after this yeah. Just the two of us. We can still have a fun weekend.’’ 

Kyle sighed and nodded. He knew he was being a bummer and tried to be happier after that, finding it easier when he considered having Stan to himself for the rest of the weekend. Then scolded himself for thinking about the lewder implications of that thought.

Kenny had called Cartman to come over, and being the close buddies, they were, he didn’t need to bribe him with food or making fun of Kyle to come. 

‘’Sup’ fags’’ Cartman called out when he arrived. They’d been hanging around at Starks pond for a while, and when Cartman walked over Kyle immediately bristled, which was not unnoticed by Stan, who touched his back in warning. 

‘’Calm the fuck down Kyle, he hasn’t done anything.’’ Stan whispered in his ear. 

‘’He called us fags Stan!’’ Kyle angrily whispered back, more offended than usual by comments like those due to learning Stan’s situation the other day.  
‘’He does that to everybody, don’t take it personally. He doesn’t know.’’ 

The three of them walked over to Cartman, who was eating from a bag of cheesy poofs and acknowledging them with sour face. 

‘’Don’t tell me we just going to stay in this dump and write fairy poetry with daisy chains on our heads. We all know you’d personally love to get into your gay element Kyle, but I’d like to do something fun. Preferably that would cost money, because everyone knows nothing fun costs under eight bucks.’’ 

‘’No way dude, it’s nice here today. Plus, I’m short on money right now.’’ 

‘’Goddammit Kenny, you’re poor, you’re always short on money.’’ 

Cartman held his face in frustration, feigning exasperation. Kyle knew he loved to remind Kenny whenever he could how poor he was, but in reality Kenny was the only one of them who had a job, he just chose to use it on helping his family, his sister Karen in particular, and rarely left any for himself. 

‘’Whatever, I’m staying here’’ Kenny said. 

‘’Us too’’ Stan said, and Cartman scoffed. 

‘’Oh, my bad Stan. I had no idea Kyle was your bitch and you spoke for the both of you.’’ 

Kyle puffed up in anger ‘’You’re damn right he speaks for me. Since the fuck when would I willingly follow your fatass anywhere.’’ 

‘’Oh ho, you hear that Stan, your Jewtoy’s been looking at my ass’’ 

‘’Already you’ve gone out of your way to offend every single one of us. One day you’re going to turn around and realise you’ve got no friends, and everyone hates you’’ Kyle said.  
‘’Whatever Jew, what’s it been- 12 years now. You guys are still here, so if anything, it’s you who doesn’t have any friends and you’ve got no one else to hang out with. What the fuck did you call me to hang out for if you were just going to shit all over me in jealousy. Screw you guys, I’m going home.’’ 

The three of them stared after Cartman walked away back the way he came. 

‘’Well that worked out as well as I expected’’ Kenny said, and Stan agreed. 

Kyle didn’t regret going off at Cartman, but he felt guilty for tainting the enjoyable day they’d had so far by making a scene. They hung around the edge of the lake for a while, bullshitting and talking about nothing important. 

‘’Guys we’ve seriously gone to zero parties this year’’ Kenny emphasized the zero with a zero-hand sign.

‘’And it’s not the same on my own. I just get shitfaced and whore myself with dares. I want to get shitfaced and whore myself with dares with my best friends’’ He continued.  
‘’I’ve been way too busy to party this year. It’s weird because I expected to go to a lot of parties, but life got into the way every time’’ Stan said 

‘’What the hell life have you been living that got into the way of partying. We’re teenagers man, we’re only young once. We’ve never even gotten drunk together for fucks sake! We should all plan to go to one. Who’s having a party in the next few weeks?’’ 

‘’How the fuck should we know Kenny? You’re the one attending all the parties. You just established that and that we don’t go to any’’ Kyle said.

‘’Oh yeah, that reminds me. What excuse have you got grandma Broflovski? Stan said his lame reason, what’s yours for ditching me in being a teenager?’’ 

‘’Actually, mine is the same as Stan’s, plus I don’t like drinking.’’ 

Kenny laughed and said ‘’You’re really milking this grandma roll for all its worth. ‘Don’t like drinking’, who the hell even are you. That’s it, we are enrolling you in alcohol classes starting next house party.’’ 

‘’Now that I think of it, I remember Clyde at football practice mentioning how Bebe was throwing one pretty soon, next weekend I think’’ Stan said. 

‘’Then it’s decided, we shall lose our partying virginity together next week!’’ Kenny announced ‘’Pack yourselves some condoms, cos it’s gonna be bitchin’!’’ 

Just then, a large rumble came from the street opposite Starks pond, followed by screams and crashing. Kyle and Stan exchanged worried looks, and Kenny stood up and tried to see the commotion. 

‘’Shit dude- something serious is going down over there. We should go and see what’s going on’’ Kenny said, suddenly looking grave as he scouted the direction of the crashes.  
‘’Uh- I don’t think that’s a good idea’’ Kyle argued, feeling worried Kenny might do something drastic to save the day. ‘’That’s sounds like superhero level stuff over there, I don’t think we should get involved’’ Kyle warned.

Stan looked at Kenny, who returned a glance like they were about to bust out full hero garbs, which was ridiculous, because they weren’t superheroes. They turned back toward the street when a car was thrown not a few metres away from them. 

‘’Fuck!’’ Stan exclaimed, and Kyle backed away, panicked. 

‘’Okay, fuck this, I’m getting away from this place before I get killed by a flying car. I’ll- I’m gonna go. Please you guys- don’t get killed. I’m outta here!’’ Kyle stumbled away, running back in the direction of his house, and rounded a corner and was gone. 

Stan and Kenny stared at each other, and Kenny said ‘’We should go and help. Oh shit- I don’t have my disguise with me. It’s in my other backpack. Fuck- the one time I don’t overreact, I need it the most!’’ 

‘’It’s okay dude I don’t have mine either, we’ll just go and see what’s going on first. We could at least help citizens or something if nothing else.’’ Kenny nodded and they sped down to the commotion. 

Meanwhile, Kyle, had packed his costume and was in an alley changing after he was out of Stan and Kenny’s sight. He knew he couldn’t go and jeopardise his cover by running in battle without any disguise, especially be seen by them, so he had to act like he was going home in fright to get away from them to change without suspicion. He knew he wasn’t a good actor, but his life as a superhero prepared him for the handling of his life and Kyle and Human Kite without merging the two. He was fully suited up and summoned his kite to appear, landing on his back as he gripped the handles and swept off the ground like a hurricane, back towards the fight.

**

Kenny and Stan ran into the street, witnessing a scene of complete and utter ruin and chaos. Cars were thrown about in the middle of the street and in shop windows, broken glass and rubble lined the sidewalks, and in the middle of it all was the cause. 

A huge, silver bot with a glass container at the head containing an evil looking boy in silver lined armour and green cape and a tuft of recognisable neon blond hair sticking out of his metal helmet. 

‘’Professor Chaos!’’ Kenny exclaimed, somewhat garbled like his Mysterion disguise. 

Luckily Chaos had not noticed the two boys on the other end of the street and continued to lay waste to the street and anything he could throw at buildings with his mechanical robot body he did, laughing manically at the destruction he caused. 

‘’Shit- we can’t beat him on our own. I don’t have my tools’’ Stan said. 

Kenny quickly scanned the area and ran over to a demolished store front, kicking apart the rest of the glass window and pulling from the rubble a large black blanket. He tied it up around his neck and let the top settle over his head like a hood. He used some of the leaking oil from one of the thrown cars to mask his eyes into a dark haze. He looked unrecognisable afterwards, and Stan nodded his approval of a viable disguise and they ran towards Professor Chaos’ death bot creation. 

Before Mysterion could get Chaos’ attention, a figure flew down in front of them and beat them to it. He looked so much like Human Kite that when he spoke, Stan was sure he was. 

‘’Hey chaos, you wanted an audience. You got one.’’

Mysterion widened his eyes and looked at Stan, who was at a loss for words. They ran toward where Kite was hovering, waiting for Chaos’ first move and Mysterion called out ‘’Human Kite, what are you doing?’’ 

‘’What you assholes were taking too long to do.’’ was his quick reply. 

‘’Regardless, I think it would be wise to withhold any grudges until after we defeat chaos. Deal?’’ 

Kite glanced at Mysterion, then Stan and said ‘’Deal. You cover the ground and I’ll stay up high to distract him from attacking you directly. Who are you kid?’’ 

Kite turned to Stan, and he suddenly felt so happy that his real name had been uttered from Kite’s lips that all he could manage was a shaky croak. 

‘’St-Stan, my name is Stan.’’ 

Kite raised an eyebrow, and said to Mysterion ‘’you know this kid- is he helping you are something?’’ 

Mysterion was surprised by Stan’s sudden meek attitude to the person who was his enemy when he was Tool-shed. 

‘’I do know him, he asked to help fight.’’ 

‘’I don’t think that’s a good idea, I wouldn’t want you to get hurt. I’d suggest helping any people who got caught in the destruction of the street though.’’ Kite said, and Mysterion nodded to Stan when he glanced over for confirmation. 

Mysterion basically was the unspoken leader of the freedom pals after all, even Doctor Timothy lacked the raw leadership skill and natural tact that made people look to Mysterion for answers. Stan hurriedly glanced at Kite one last time before scurrying off down the street. 

He blushed in giddy excitement when he remembered the smirk that Kite held for a second before turning back to Mysterion. By the time Stan was further down the street, Human Kite had ascended the sky and attacked Professor Chaos from above with his laser eyes, Chaos swung at Kite with his mechanical arms, and Mysterion had climbed the torso and was ripping the armour open piece by piece with his bare hands to get to the centre. Stan watched them at first feeling jealous he could not fight, then weirdly proud that Mysterion and Kite were working together, not against each other. 

He scouted the area for people with injuries, and miraculously, no one was injured. It appears everyone had evaded Chaos’ attacks quite easily, Chaos wasn’t as bloodthirsty as some made him out to be, and he focused more on inanimate destruction. That didn’t mean he was easy to defeat though. Kite and Mysterion were holding him off for now, but they needed help, as their attacks weren’t affecting him at all in that robot suit. Stan couldn’t help at all right now, powerless without his tools, and useless without a disguise. He looked at the destroyed shops, considering the repairs required to fix them as the carpenter he was, when something caught his eye.

It was the hardware store, broken windows and half a car sticking out of the shop front, but otherwise it would have everything Stan needs to be of some use. He crept into the store and immediately spotted the perfect tool for the job, capable of blasting through Chaos’ shield with ease. He grabbed the drill displayed on the wall, some nails and a nail gun, and a sandblaster. He found a pair of yellow tinted safety goggles, for his disguise and headphones to wear for the sandblaster. He took off his brown jacket, revealing a plain white t-shirt, and put on one of the displayed utility belts to hold his guns and drill. He walked out of the store, all geared up and ran towards the battle.

‘’My lasers aren’t piercing his armour! We need something stronger!’’ Kite yelled to Mysterion when he descended the air.

Mysterion backed away from Chaos’ suit and said ‘’We need to somehow infiltrate the outermost layer and disable the system. I can’t get past the metal on my own.’’ 

‘’Fools! You can’t defeat Chaos! I will destroy this town and all your miserable lives!’’ A screeching sound was heard behind Professor Chaos followed by the scraping of metal. 

‘’What the heck?’’ Chaos screeched in his high-pitched growl.

Chaos tried to turn around to the noise, but his robot suit collapsed to the ground, crashing to the feet of Kite and Mysterion as they watched in shock.

‘’Oof!’’ Professor Chaos pinched his eyes shut as his armour fell with a thud, destroying the protective case of mass destruction around him and leaving him in the centre.  
The source of the noise was standing on the other side, Tool-shed, holding a large chainsaw and wearing safety headphones. 

‘’Chaos!’’ Mysterion exclaimed, running to the villain who had crashed out of his protective glass and lay on the ground, defenceless. 

He picked him off from the ground by the shoulders and shoved him away from the death-bot, and Tool-shed walked over to them, dropping the chainsaw and taking off the headphones and throwing them to the ground. 

Kite stared at Tool-shed as he said to Mysterion ‘’We should take him back to the base for interrogation. You got him Mysterion?’’ 

‘’Yeah, he won’t be causing trouble for a while yet. I’ll go deal with him now.’’ 

Tool-shed nodded and walked to the robot suit, inspecting it as Mysterion led Chaos away, and Kite walked up to him. 

‘’Uh, thanks for your help Tool-shed’’ Tool-shed looked up to Kite awkwardly standing above him and grinned.

‘’Aww, you’re not getting shy on me now, are you Kite?’’ Human Kite glanced over to where Mysterion had now disappeared, and took Tool-shed’s hand, pulling him up without warning and dragging him over to an alley. 

Tool-shed didn’t have time to react as they made it to the alley and he was pushed up against the wall, Kite leaning over and closing the gap between them, licking his lips open. Tool-shed widened his eyes, then opened his mouth for Kite’s tongue when he understood what was happening. Human Kite leaped up into Shed’s arms and hooked his legs around his waist while kissing him, demanding further entry and getting it. Tool-shed pulled away to breathe, panting against Kite’s lips as he gazed into his bright green eyes.  
‘’I missed you.’’ Kite said, licking Shed’s flushed pink cheeks. 

Tool-shed hugged Kite against him, whispering ‘’I love you.’’ 

They darted into another kiss, grower wetter and sloppier, deepening it with their tongues. Kite suddenly released from Shed’s lips in worry. 

‘’Wait! Where did that Stan kid go? He didn’t get hurt, did he?’’ He stared back onto the glimpse of the street from the dark alley they were in. 

Tool-shed licked his neck, whispering ‘’I’m sure he’s fine. Saw a strong, capable hero sawing Chaos suit apart and thought he would take care of the situation well enough.’’  
‘’But he seemed like the kind of person who would run into battle without a clue or a weapon and hurt himself. I don’t want him to get hurt.’’ 

‘’You really care about him huh?’’ Tool-shed teased, kissing his neck, though he was serious and secretly thrilled Kite was worrying about him after just meeting him. 

Kite didn’t get to answer, because a gasp and a loud ‘’What the fuck’’ turned their heads. 

Mysterion was standing at the front of the alley his eyes wide and mouth open in shock. 

Kite scrambled off Tool-shed, and stepped away quickly, he looked at Tool-shed, both terrified and flushing as they looked back at Mysterion. Mysterion stepped forward and waved around them wildly with his hands, glaring. 

‘’What. The. Fuck!’’ He repeated. 

‘’Uh’’ Kite stuttered as Tool-shed froze in place, unable to speak, unable to function. 

‘’Tool-shed, what the fuck is going on. I come over here prepared to break up a premature civil war, and what do I find? This- what the fucking hell is this?’’ 

When he didn’t respond, Mysterion continued ‘’Why the fuck Tool-shed- you’re making out with Human Kite- your ‘enemy’. A coon and friend. Just fuck. What the fuck!’’ 

‘’I- I can explain’’ Shed started but was interrupted by Human Kite, with new-found confidence. 

‘’Tool-shed and I are in love and have been dating for 3 years, Mysterion.’’ 

Mysterion kept looking back and forth between each other, still processing. 

‘’But you hate each other. You’re fucking enemies. You’re telling me that was a hoax? That you’ve been lying to the freedom pals and Coon and friends all this time?’’ 

‘’Well apparently for good reason. Look how you’ve reacted, imagine the less rational members of both teams reactions. We had to hide it.’’ Kite said. 

‘’Well fuck! You did a damn good job convincing everyone you hated each other. Though Shed was too flirty at times, I just thought he was trying to piss you off, which it seemed to always do.’’ 

‘’Yeah’’ Kite chuckled ‘’He got carried away sometimes.'' 

‘’Jesus- just let me process this for a second,’’ Mysterion rubbed his eyes and pinched them shut. 

‘’Hold on- Mysterion, so you’re okay with this? Like you’re not going to expose us or anything?’’ Tool-shed asked, and Mysterion looked between them again. 

‘’I don’t like this; Human Kite is a Coon and friend. Just what things have you been telling him Tool-shed? How much of our operation does he know?’’ 

Tool-shed shook his head ‘’We don’t tell each other mission related things. Just civil war- which I’m sure you’d agree is stupid and pointless anyway.’’ 

‘’Wait- so what are you guys doing during civil wars if you’re not enemies?’’ 

Tool-shed and Kite stayed silent, Kite going red. 

Mysterion noticed this and gasped. 

‘’Don’t tell me you’re fucking! No way! So, when we’re busting our asses trying to defeat Coon and friends, you guys are humping it up in an alley. Jesus Christ! That means I was right, you always looked like you’d just fucked against something after civil wars, Tool-shed.’’ 

‘’Not every civil war.’’ Tool-shed argued, and Human Kite slapped his forehead in frustration, for he just confirmed that yes, they are fucking during civil wars. 

‘’Look- I won’t tell the others, if you do one thing for me.’’ 

‘’What?’’ Kite asked, lifting his hand from his face. 

‘’If you stop fucking during civil wars and actually participate for once.’’ 

Tool-shed glanced at Kite who shrugged in submission.

‘’Alright, we’ll be a part of the wars from now on. But are we allowed to fight each other?’’ 

‘’Well no, because what are you accomplishing fighting each other? Jesus its Super Craig and Wonder Tweek all over again.’’ Mysterion groaned in frustration, remembering that irritating part of his existence. 

‘’That’s why we didn’t tell anyone, there can’t be two couples on opposite sides, it would make things too complicated.’’ Kite explained.

‘’Okay’’ Mysterion started, taking control of the situation, ‘’so I think it’ll be in the team’s best interest to keep this quiet, at least until the Coon and friends fuck off and leave us alone.’’ 

‘’Hey asshole’’ Kite interrupted ‘’you guys participate in the civil wars as much as we do. You can’t act so superior and above us when you play along into the charade’’ Human Kite accused Mysterion, pointing at him and Tool-shed. 

‘’It’s not just civil wars! The coon and friends are always jeopardising our missions, just so you can get one over us. We’ll have to call in help if you keep it up. This is just escalating into a place where no one will win.’’ 

‘’You know I remember a time when we were all part of one team, we worked together and helped the town where they could not. What the hell happened to that.’’  
‘’You know what very well happened, your fat fuck of a leader decided to favour some heroes over others, and it split us into factions for no reasons other than pure selfishness and a brand image that no one cared about.’’ 

‘’Did you ever stop to consider some members of coon and friends don’t agree with Coon, but at the end of the day they can’t do anything about it unless they want to be out of a team.’’ 

‘’Did you ever consider that you could be a part of the freedom pals?’’ Mysterion asked. 

‘’Oh yeah, say the rest of our team suddenly hated our leader like we currently do and wanted a change, would you accept us if we just rolled in asking for a place on the team? No- you would only suspect of schemes like when we were 10 and got the new kid to trick you. It’s been 7 years of war now, it’s too late for anything like that. The fatass may be a sadistic manipulator, but it’s all we have left.’’ 

Kite sighed and looked away from them, and Tool-shed comfortingly touched his shoulder. 

Mysterion noticed this sign of affection and muttered ‘’I still can’t believe this Shed. What about Kyle?’’ he asked Tool-shed, who flushed and tensed.  
Kite looked up at Mysterion ‘’What? Kyle? What’s he got to do with anything?’’ 

Kite put his hands on his hips to Tool-shed in scrutiny, though really, he was just surprised Mysterion knew Tool-shed had anything with Kyle. Maybe they were closer in their identities than Kite knew. Maybe Kyle knew Tool-shed’s identity, he just didn’t know who?

‘’Uh- nothing, just someone I know, who Mysterion has the wrong idea about’’ He glared at Mysterion in warning not to expose his identity, who just shrugged in response.  
‘’Look Human Kite, it’s true that I don’t know you well so I couldn’t guarantee a spot with the freedom pals, but I don’t know- maybe I could appeal to doc if you show dedication for us and not the coon and friends.’’ 

‘’So gracious of you Mysterion’’ Kite sarcastically remarked ‘’But I’d rather stay part of the coon and friends if it means I can sway the fatass from doing anything reckless. We both know what he’s capable of.’’ 

Mysterion nodded ‘’I guess you’re right, it’s better for you if you stay. I’m glad I know your stance now though- I thought you blindly followed him before, so that’s good. And I guess you guys will just keep fucking out of sight- but for god sake don’t do it during civil wars, not only does it distract you, but it will distract me. How the hell can I effectively kick Coon in the nuts when I know Shed is coming all over Kite in ecstasy in a ditch at the same time.’’ 

Kite guffawed and went bright red, and Tool-shed shook his head, muttering ‘’You sick bastard.’’ 

Kite was surprised, mostly since Stan always referred to Kenny as a sick something or other after a comment like that. He still couldn’t join the information together, and it annoyed him how much their similarities showed sometimes, and he couldn’t think of why. 

‘’So then, I’ll keep this from the others if you don’t fuck in battle, got it? I want to see you fighting, Tool-shed, not humping. Though I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing it later, maybe with Kyle.’’ Mysterion winked and turned away from them, ignoring Shed’s furious glare and Kite’s questioning one. 

‘’I’ll go now- you’re free to resume, though I thought I taught you better than to kiss in an obvious location like this. Hide better unless you want someone else to discover you.’’  
And with a swish of his cape, Mysterion had disappeared. 

‘’Fuck he’s right. This is an obvious place to get caught.’’ 

Kite looked around the alley, noticing the multiple places someone could see them from the street. Tool-shed slid his hands through his hair in exasperation.  
‘’Did fucking Mysterion seriously just discover us?’’ he asked, kicking himself at his recklessness. 

It had been 7 years of secret friendship, and 3 of a romantic relationship and they had not once put themselves in such a stupid position, always keeping on guard even on top of skyscrapers inaccessible unless you could fly. 

‘’At least he said he’d keep it secret. He’s part of your team so I guess he doesn’t have reason to betray us.’’ 

‘’Yeah but really, after all these years of being so careful. We just screwed ourselves by doing it here.’’ 

‘’Now is no time for tool puns Shed.’’ Kite said. 

‘’You’re the one who dragged me over here and attacked me not a block away from the battle.’’ Tool-shed said.

‘’Well it’s your fucking fault for showing up when you knew I was here, in that sexy outfit and doing that dramatic entrance knowing I’d jump you as soon as we were alone.’’  
Honestly, Kite was turned on as soon as he saw Tool-shed appear standing with the chainsaw in his hand, shucking it away like it was no big deal he’d just destroyed the death bot in one blow. The unexpected arrival made him somewhat lose his common sense, so instead of looking for a safe spot, he just dragged Shed over to the closest corner out of the street. 

‘’Well fuck- now because you couldn’t wait two seconds to find a better location, the fucking leader of my team knows about us. He knows my identity Kite- you know what that means, he’ll be aware of us while I’m living my life outside of being Tool-shed. You don’t know him like I do- he will make my life misery at school. It’s bad enough he brought up Kyle.’’ 

‘’Oh yeah- who the hell is Kyle to you anyway? Do you have another boyfriend you were hiding from me?’’ 

‘’No Kite- Jesus Christ! Mysterion tasked me with getting help from him for missions. He had a dumb idea in his head that the time he spent teaching me about computers led on to other stuff. He’s just a horny bastard- it doesn’t mean anything. If you knew him out of his identity you’d understand.’’ 

Kite pondered for a second, then it hit him, looked up to Tool-shed, eyes wide and gasped. 

‘’It’s Kenny isn’t it. Kenny is Mysterion.’’ 

‘’What!’’ Tool-shed exclaimed, shocked. 

‘’I’m just thinking, who knows Kyle, and who is a horny bastard. Only Kenny fits that description. It’s him isn’t it.’’ 

Kite surmised, looking at Tool-shed for confirmation, but Tool-shed just stood there, frozen in shock that Kite just guessed the most mysterious hero in South park’s identity correctly. 

Tool-shed baulked for a second, then grabbed Kite’s shoulders and gripped them tightly, holding him in place as Kite gasped and looked at him in surprise.  
‘’Kite you can’t expose this to anyone, you don’t know him like I do. He is very protective of his identity, and I only know because we joined freedom pals together and know each other already. I’m serious, no-one can know that you know it either. The coon wouldn’t hesitate to torture it out of you if he found out.’’ 

‘’Hey, I know the fatass well enough, and like I was dreaming of telling him, Jesus. But I am right? It is him?’’ 

Shed nodded, and Kite continued ‘’So you know him outside of your disguise?’’ 

Tool-shed nodded again. 

‘’I’m feeling a bit jealous he knows you from school. He doesn’t try anything on you, does he? How close are you?’’ 

‘’Ah but if I told you that you’d be getting clues about me wouldn’t you. That is- unless you want to know who I am?’’ Tool-shed teased, but he knew Kite’s absolute opinion of exposing their identities already. 

‘’Jesus Christ Shed! Of course, I want to know who you are, but we can’t know each other. You’re aware of this.’’ 

‘’Why though? Why the fuck is it so important to keep them hidden from each other. Are you afraid I’ll be someone you don’t like- or that I won’t like you? I can tell you right now that I’d fucking love you even if you revealed to be Cartman, but I know you aren’t so what does it matter? I love you no matter who you are.’’ 

‘’Ugh you’re impossible- It’s not about that.’’ 

It was, but Kite wasn’t about to let Tool-shed know how insecure he really was. 

‘’Everything gets complicated when you expose yourself. That’s a part of our line of work. And you should be scared if I found out who you are, I’d expose your hidden relationship with Kyle.’’ 

‘’For god’s sake Kite, get over him, he’s irrelevant. Or should I remind you if I knew your identity, I’d expose your crush on Stan. Huh? Is that why you don’t want me to know?’’  
Human Kite answered by grabbing Tool-shed’s face, gripping his jaw tightly around his fingers, and pulled him down to his height, kissing him and forcing his lips apart with his tongue. He pushed his tongue in to collide with Shed’s and licked into him, hard, for a fleeting few seconds before releasing him from the death grip of his chin.  
Tool-shed’s eyes were wide and confused, and all Kite said was ‘’Go fuck yourself’’ against his lips before stepping away. And without warning, he walked away from an extremely confused Tool-shed and leapt into the air, flying away. 

Tool-shed took a few moments to recover and consider what the hell just happened. It was obvious Kite was mad at him, but the angry kiss and subsequent comment was very peculiar. He thought it must have been something to do with Stan- he acted defensive whenever the name was brought up. Shed wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or troubled about his concern for Stan, who he may or may not know already outside his disguise, that Stan apparently didn’t know. He decided to think optimistically that he probably knew Kite’s identity and just didn’t know who, but it didn’t seem to be a bad thing. Kite was just overreacting, already knowing his identity would just make things even easier. 

He sighed and walked out into the street, examining the wasteland left after Professor Chaos, the police sirens finally appearing in earshot to deal with the fallout. Not wanting to be caught by police for vigilantism, Tool-shed quickly exited the scene before they arrived, going back home when he decided he’d had enough excitement for one day.


	4. Chapter 4

Human Kite had flown back to his street, landing behind his house. He would have to change back into his normal clothes before going inside, but then reconsidered. He looked over to Stan’s house next door, reminding him of the fight he had with Tool-shed about Stan. 

He was embarrassed that his fondness for Stan was noticed by Tool-shed, and denying anything to him, even in jest, just made him feel like he was lying to himself. He then remembered that he was going to introduce himself as Human Kite to Stan, and decided out of spite for Tool-shed, he would go and see him while he was still dressed for it. 

He wouldn’t admit to Tool-shed that he was terrified of him finding out his identity, that he was aware Tool-shed would instantly be disappointed when he found out it was Kyle: the nerdy, frizzy red-headed boy with anger issues. He didn’t think he could handle rejection from him if he found out, Kite would just shrivel up into a ball forever when it was confirmed that the boy who was way out his league to begin with didn’t like him as he was really was. No, he just had to keep being Human Kite and know him that way, for as long as he can pull it off. He didn’t want to think about college, how he might lose contact with Shed if he didn’t know where he lived or where he was going, and he couldn’t know those things without also knowing his identity. He’d put it off this long, but it was obvious Tool-shed was getting antsy. Cracks were starting to form in their relationship.

He sighed and wandered to the back of Stan’s house, flying over the fence when he knew the coast was clear. He flew up to the window he knew was Stan’s room, and peeked into it- seeing no one in there. He decided to stick around the back of his house until Stan turned up, but loitering around his window felt awkward and creepy. Kite wondered if Tool-shed had done a similar thing for him as Kyle when he appeared in his window. He was copying Tool-shed’s actions from that afternoon, but he knew it was different this time. Stan was his best friend, but he didn’t know Kyle was Human Kite, and apparently was a huge fan of him as a superhero. Remembering the awkward sleepover last night, the sudden attraction he felt to Stan that led to a frantic jerk off while Stan slept, he cringed at his ability to destroy friendships with an orgasm so easily. 

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard someone coming from Stan’s room’s window. He peeked through for a second, confirming that it was Stan. Not wasting a moment, he opened the window from the outside. The low budget windows Randy had insisted wouldn’t matter if they could open from either side because it was the second floor. Kyle was there for the argument that ensued between Randy and Sharon about the risk of an unlockable window. He remembered Stan’s paranoia that someone could enter his room and murder him in his sleep. Stan made sure to have all sleepovers at Kyle’s house for a month afterwards before he felt safe enough to let Kyle sleep in the ‘break and enter room’. Kyle was secretly pleased Stan had worried about his safety so much, but his stupid ego made sure to tease Stan about it anyway. 

Human Kite had a plan to follow to excuse his creepy entrance into Stan’s room. He’d noticed how shy Stan suddenly became when Kite introduced himself in battle against Chaos, and assuming from the puzzled look Mysterion gave Stan afterwards, he didn’t usually act so meek around superheroes. Either that or he really was a super fan of him, which Kite decided would piss off Tool-shed nicely, since they were apparently fighting right now. 

He crawled through the window, silently as Stan’s back was turned, and leaned against it waiting for Stan to see him. It was a cliché tactic for him, but it worked every time, and sure enough Stan saw him and gasped. 

‘’Fuck! Human Kite?’’ 

‘’That’s right Stan. You did well today to help Mysterion and I. I wanted to thank you.’’ 

‘’What- what are you doing here? How did you know where I live, and how did you get in?’’ 

‘’Your window opens on both sides Stanley, and I can fly. And I have an inside source for your address’’ 

Stan was being completely adorable and clueless, and his confused expression made Kite chuckle. 

‘’Goddammit- I knew someone would break into that shitty window at some point. Only I was expecting a murderer or rapist. Are you here to rape me Mr Kite?’’ 

He asked with faux innocence, blinking his eyes. Kite was blown away, expecting a shy and dismissive Stan but instead he was acting as cocky as Tool-shed. Losing himself for a moment, he smirked and said ‘’Oh trust me Stan, if I was here to rape you, I’d have done it by now. Who could resist you after all?’’ 

Stan laughed and Kite grinned, walking further into the room near Stan. 

‘’Kyle told me what an ultra, mega fan of me you are.’’ 

Stan blushed and stammered ‘’What! When did he tell you this- I only told him yesterday?’’ 

‘’I went to see him after the battle, he seemed rattled, but we talked about some stuff and he brought that up.’’ 

‘’Is he okay?’’ Stan asked, suddenly worried. 

Kite was smitten. 

‘’Yeah, he’s fine now. Don’t worry about it.’’ 

Stan breathed a sigh of relief, then awkwardly looked around his room, suddenly aware that Kite was really standing in it. 

‘’So, uh- what are you doing here, besides from giving thanks.’’ Stan asked, feeling both infatuated and nervous that Human Kite was really seeing him, his identity and he didn’t seem put off at the least. Though he supposed Kite didn’t know he was Tool-shed, so it wasn’t a very fair comparison.

He was suddenly feeling obligated to test him, this might be his only chance to find out for sure if Kite likes him for who he is. Kite was acting very self-assured, an unusual but not unwelcome change from when Shed was usually the one exuding confidence. It was surprisingly nice to be the one smothered by swagger. 

‘’You seemed very shy and unsure of yourself when we met, and I thought I’d introduce myself properly. Hi, I’m Human Kite from Coon and friends.’’ He stuck his hand out cheerfully, and Stan happily shook it, tingles running in his hand up his arm when it touched Kite’s soft, milky skin. 

‘’Um, Stan Marsh of South Park high.’’ He responded, flushing, still ecstatic they were meeting. 

‘’So, you know Mysterion huh? Kyle never told me you were involved like that.’’ 

‘’Uh he doesn’t know.’’ 

‘’Oh- but I thought you were super best friends according to him- don’t you tell each other everything?’’

‘’Well he never told me about doing research for superheroes. Mysterion told me.’’ 

‘’Mysterion is exposing an awful lot to you. What makes you trustworthy to keep secrets like that from the public?’’ Kite asked, peering at Stan in scrutiny. 

‘’I’m trustworthy, maybe I could be a secret keeper for you too. Do you have anything worthy of me to hide for you?’’ Stan smirked at Human Kite, who couldn’t help returning his own. 

Damn, Stan was being a sexy fool, and he kind of felt obliged to rip off his costume and yell surprise to Stan, revealing himself as Kyle. He knew it was just his stupid hormones, and a reaction to the deep voice Stan adopted, mostly surprised but a little aroused that Stan had the guts to flirt with his favourite superhero. He shook himself out of thought and instead reminded himself of Tool-shed, but it was getting harder and harder every moment to ignore the obvious pounding of his chest whenever he thought of Stan or looked into those goddamn perfect eyes. 

‘’Well there’s one thing, but I’m not so sure you can be trusted with that information’’ Kite said, mischievously. Stan faked a look of horror.

‘’I’m shocked you think so low of me, surely you can tell me this one thing. I can promise you I’ll take it to my grave. Please?’’ 

Stan clasped his hands together, and gave Kite puppy eyes, blinking heavily and dramatically for effect. Kite wondered if he would tell Stan about Tool-shed and found himself already agreeing for some reason. It was those goddamn eyes hypnotising him, but he wanted to share something with Stan as the Kite, another inside joke Kyle could have with him. It would piss off Tool-shed, which Kite was hoping for. He kind of felt like doing everything, telling Stan anything as a large example to Tool-shed to back the fuck off about Stan, that they aren’t in some secret relationship. It was hard enough that everyone at school and even his parents insinuate him, and Stan are fucking, the accusations from Tool-shed is too shitty to handle, so now he’s going to tell Stan their secrets, all because Shed couldn’t keep this shit to himself. And if anything leaks out, it’s going to be Shed’s own fucking fault, and Kite will not let him kill Stan as a result. Yep, he’s pissed off.

‘’You’re right Stan, you are trustworthy. And I trust Kyle, so if he trusts you, then I trust you. Alright, I’ll tell you’’ Stan widened his eyes and leaned forward excitedly. 

‘’So, I’m seeing someone right, and that person doesn’t exactly agree with my team on certain things, so it’s this big secret we’ve got to keep. So far no one except for Mysterion knows, but that was accidental on account of him catching us’’ 

‘’So, who is this person you’re seeing?’’ 

‘’Uh it’s Tool-shed from the freedom pals.’’ 

‘’Woah’’ Stan said. 

‘’Yeah, that’s why its secret because of the team’s famous rivalry. It’s funny, because I’m just noticing how much you look like him.’’ Stan blushed, then smirked.  
‘’Maybe you’ve just got a type huh?’’ Kite gasped then grinned and punched Stan’s arm playfully. 

‘’Whatever, he’s so great though. I’d love you to meet him, but he didn’t really approve of me getting to know you to begin with so that might have to wait until he calms down’’  
‘’Maybe he’s just being protective of you, sounds right for a superhero. I’m not surprised he’s concerned about you meeting me, seeing what a catch I am and all.’’ 

Kite was grinning like a reject, completely amused and fascinated to how alike him and Tool-shed were. He wasn’t really alarmed until Stan moved a little closer, and suddenly Kite’s senses were catching up with him, and reminding him that this was Stan, not Tool-shed, and any further teasing might make whatever the hell this is serious. He knew in his mind he didn’t want anything to happen, yet his body was betraying him yet again and reacting positively to Stan’s proximity. 

‘’So, what’s Tool-shed like? Kyle said he was his favourite superhero, but I don’t see how he’s better than you.’’ 

‘’Should I be offended Kyle didn’t favour me?’’ Kite joked.

‘’Nuh- that just means he likes your boyfriend. You might want to be careful anyway in case he tries something’’ Stan warned.

‘’I know Kyle pretty well, and he wouldn’t do that.’’ Kite assured him, though Stan looked unconvinced.

‘’Well I know him better, and I’m pretty sure he takes what he wants, so if he wants Tool-shed, he might just take him from you.’’ 

Kite laughed, though Stan looked serious. 

‘’He once brought democracy to Cuba just to get tickets to a raging pussies concert. He’s capable of taking Tool-shed, and certainly attractive enough to sway him ‘’ Stan said, seriously. Kite felt his face get hot. 

Ignoring that comment out of embarrassment, and a little flattery, he stated ‘’I’m not concerned about him; I think Tool-shed is strong enough to handle it and let him down easily.’’ 

‘’So, you think he’s strong, like just emotionally or physically too?’’ 

‘’Oh, both for sure, you should see him in battle, fast as a whip, but he can still hammer down a real challenge if you’re fighting him. We found years ago that our powers are kind of linked in a way that makes it impossible to defeat each other. It’s like this eternal stalemate between elemental wind and mental control of power tools. It was actually a nice surprise when we figured it out, because it meant we could get to know each other instead of fighting whenever our teams had a war. And of course, we got to know each other in a more intimate way over time. Ha! then there was that perfect day when he finally had the balls to kiss me, and it escalated so quickly and…’’ 

Kite rambled on, getting quite lost in himself reminiscing the beautiful start of their relationship, when he realised that he wasn’t just talking, but discussing very intimate details with Stan. He immediately thought Stan would feel crushed that his hero was very obviously doting on someone that wasn’t him, but when he stopped talking to look at Stan, he was beaming. Stan was dreamily smiling at Kite in a worrying way, then he noticed his eyes, and got sucked into their prismatic, glimmering reflection of the ocean. There was obvious longing in his eyes, and Kite stood there like an awkward duck for a second before recognising that look and jerked away awkwardly when Stan took another step closer. It was that look- he’d seen it a million times from Tool-shed, when he was getting impatient and wanted to make a move already and was most certainly about to. 

‘’I- uh, I should probably go now, sorry about droning on like that. Um, please make sure to keep that thing about Tool-shed to yourself. I’ll talk to you again later. I gotta go, uh on a mission, yeah!’’

Kite hastily rushed to the window and quickly leapt out of the horribly unsecure opening, flying away quickly out of sight from Stan, away from the place where he nearly lost his mind. 

The place where he was about to kiss Stan.

**

Stan looked out the window where Kite had disappeared and sighed. He wasn’t surprised Kite dashed off as soon as Stan started getting promiscuous, he was crossing the line considering Kite didn’t recognise him and for all he knew, Stan was just some fan who got too close for comfort, hoping to luck out on meaningless flirtations. They weren’t meaningless though, Stan lived for it, for making Kite blush and stammer a comeback to his merciless obnoxious teasing. It still hurt though, because it had long been a dream of Stan’s to see Kite as Stan, and Kite to recognise him and reveal himself, finally complete as nothing but two boys who loved each other and even risked their jobs to know each other. Of course, it remained a dream, and Stan was left staring after the hero who rejected his moves and flew out his crappy window. He remembered Kyle and how worried he looked when he saw the destruction of the street, promptly running off in terror. Stan felt a pang of guilt to letting him run off alone, while a deadly villain ran rampant. He reached for the phone on his nightstand and dialled Kyle’s number. After a few rings a breathy ‘’hello?’’ answered the phone. 

‘’Hey Kyle, are you alright, you took off pretty quickly back there.’’ 

‘’Oh, Stan thank god! I was so worried you’d been killed by Chaos. What happened?’’

Stan sat back on his bed, amused that Kyle was concerned about someone else while panicking himself. 

‘’Well we saw Mysterion and Human Kite team up and fight him, and they sent me to help find injured people to help. Didn’t find any luckily. You okay now?’’ 

‘’Yeah, I’m alright, just shaken a bit from before. I can’t believe you ran off to save the day like a goddamn superhero. Thank god you’re okay.’’ Kyle paused and sighed, and Stan smiled that Kyle was so worried about him. 

Kyle spoke up again after a moment ‘’Human Kite huh? Did you get on your knees and offer to lick his balls, since you’re such a devoted fan?’’ 

Stan laughed ‘’No, but if you stuck around, you’d be the one licking balls. Tool-shed turned up and vanquished the bot all by himself.’’ 

Stan grinned when he imagined Kyle’s excitement. 

‘’Wait so he really destroyed Chaos without help Mysterion or Human Kite?’’ 

‘’Yeah dude, he just came in with a mentally powered chainsaw or something and sawed through him without mercy. Pretty hot huh?’’ 

‘’Oh yeah! You’ve got me all worked up now. Oh god Staann!’’ Kyle fake moaned into the phone and Stan muffled a laugh. 

‘’Tell me more about him Stan! He’s such a sex god, Jesus Christ!’’ 

‘’Oh yeah’’ Stan lowered his voice, milking his part for all it was worth, ‘’He sawed through that big metal robot alright, then he sauntered over to Human Kite smirking with that sexy look in his eye.’’ 

‘’Yeah?’’ Kyle panted dramatically.

‘’Yeah, then he closed in on Human Kite, his scent was all around him, and he gave him a flash of that dark sexiness. He got closer- Kite knew he was about to do something, and he waited for him to claim him. Shed licked his lips and...’’ 

Stan paused for effect. 

‘’And?’’ Kyle panted after a few seconds of silence 

‘’And… he kicked him square in the nuts!’’ Stan finished, and exploded with laughter. 

Kyle grumbled and complained ‘’God Stan you’re such an asshole, I was so close. Don’t tease me like that.’’ 

‘’Dude!’’ Stan exclaimed ‘’That’s what you get for trying to do phone sex with me.’’ 

‘’Fine! I’ll just call Human Kite to help me finish. How do you like that?’’ Kyle complained, still talking higher pitched than usual. 

‘’Oh god Kyle! That’s so sexy, mmm, tell me more about how you’ll get Kite to help you finish.’’ Stan adopted a deep voice again. 

‘’Ha, you won’t find it so sexy when I’m dating him, and you’ve got to watch us make out- wishing it were you.’’ 

‘’Oh yeah, maybe I’ll just go and date Tool-shed, then you’ll have to watch us, won’t it make you so sad. Come on Kyle let me hear some tears.’’ 

The concept of a relationship with himself sounded so wrong, but Kyle didn’t know that Tool-shed was him, so he didn’t dwell on it. 

‘’You are kidding me- I’d wet my pants if I saw that!’’ 

‘’You mean with come?’’ 

‘’Dude- no!’’ Kyle said, laughing, ‘’I mean because that’s so unlikely happening that I’d go and die of laughter if I ever saw it. Anyway, what the hell happened to your molester? He out of the picture already?’’ 

‘’Oh yeah Kyle. That’s why I’m calling and doing phone sex with you and potentially two other superheroes’’ Stan said, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

‘’Yeah okay, mine’s still going too. For your information the phone sex was fake just so you don’t think I was cheating.’’ Stan fake gasped. 

‘’But I just come in my pants- you’re telling me you were faking those beautiful words!’’ Stan said in mock horror, barely containing snickers as he felt so glad, he could still joke around with Kyle about this kind of stuff at 17, the age of people when they are their horniest yet most awkward, which was extremely true for him. 

He was wilfully ignoring the real boner that introduced itself when Kyle’s voice got higher, kind to the point of whimpering. He didn’t want to think about what it meant, because his life was going great, and this is the kind of thing that could ruin everything in a flash, even more so if he analysed its meaning. His thoughts were interrupted by Kyle speaking again, though he wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed that his voice sounded normal again. 

‘’Stan you said we’d hang out this weekend. You’ve spent more time with Mysterion.’’ 

‘’Dude, not true, I literally just spent the night sleeping in your bed. But we can still hang out. You want to come over tomorrow?’’ 

‘’Nah-screw that. I want to return the favour; I’m sleeping over at yours tonight. On your bed, to be precise.’’ 

‘’Jesus Kyle, the phone sex wasn’t enough for you wasn’t it.’’ 

‘’No asshole- it wasn’t. You made damn well sure to ruin that for me, so I’ll settle for fucking you while you sleep.’’ 

‘’Ha! You think you’d be the one doing the fucking?’’ Stan had always imagined Kyle on the bottom, mostly because of the idea that the stress he collected in his shoulders throughout the day could be soothed away with a tender fucking. Plus, he had a really nice ass. Not that he’d thought about it. Much.

‘’Damn straight. Alright I’m coming over now. Better prepare yourself Stanley. Wait for me to jerk off.’’ 

‘’Easy for you to talk now. Wait until we see each other. I’d dominate you so much. You’ll be begging…’’ 

‘’Christ Stan don’t come with that image in your head. What’d I tell you, wait for me to come over.’’ 

‘’Fine, I’ll see you soon.’’ 

‘’Stan-wait!’’ Kyle yelled. 

‘’What?’’ Stan brought the phone back to his ear.

‘’Look out your window.’’ 

Stan walked over with the phone in his hand and looked out to see Kyle in his house, staring back at Stan through his own bedroom window. Kyle grinned and flipped Stan off. Stan grumbled and opened his window, waiting for Kyle to do the same. 

Stan yelled ‘’Fuck you!’’ and Kyle yelled back, teasingly ‘’Nuh uh- what did I say Stanley? I’m fucking you!’’ 

Stan slammed his window shut, hearing Kyle yell into the phone that he’d be right over, and Stan just hung up. Kyle didn’t need a response anyway. They travelled each other’s places so much that it was just like an extension to their own house. 

He looked around his room, feeling like he needed to clean up the place, then realised that this was Kyle, and Kyle had been in his room for years, at its best and worst. He’d stayed here when it was filled with baby cows that shit all over the place for like 3 days. Stan didn’t know why he was feeling so uneasy, wanting to blame it on the fake sex talk, but he knew that wasn’t it. They teased each other all the time like that, but they always knew boundaries, and it had never come across as weird, and if it was, they were okay with being weird. Stan and Kyle didn’t do this stuff with Kenny or anyone else, it only felt comfortable with just the two of them. 

He sighed and surrendered to the fucked-up ideas plaguing his head, too tired to combat them this late in the afternoon. A few minutes later, Kyle walked into the room and watched Stan as he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

‘’You came already, didn’t you?’’ Kyle asked, staring at Stan’s blank, tired expression. Stan smiled weakly avoiding his gaze in embarrassment.  
‘’Yeah Kyle. I couldn’t wait any longer, I’m a naughty boy.’’ 

Kyle chuckled and collapsed onto the bed next to Stan, staring up at the ceiling too. 

‘’Well I guess we’re both naughty boys.’’ 

Kyle smiled at Stan’s sceptical glance. It made Stan’s heart pound, and suddenly he was terrified that Kyle was hearing it- but he wasn’t reacting. Does that mean he’s okay with Stan’s feelings- oh Christ is he expecting him to make a move? No- he was just going insane; Kyle didn’t want him like that. Stan’s internal hysteria was paused when he saw Kyle’s lips moving but couldn’t hear him. He’s going deaf now, that’s perfect. First, he’s having a brain aneurism, then a heart attack and now he’s going deaf. Fucking fantastic.  
‘’What?’’ Stan finally asked, when Kyle was obviously awaiting a response. 

‘’Dude didn’t you hear me, I asked if you want to play videogames. I’ve got a few from my house we could resume playing from last time.’’ 

‘’Oh- yeah. Sounds good.’’ Kyle gave him a perplexed glance but then shrugged it off and leapt to the end of the bed where Stan’s game sphere sat on the ground. 

So, they settled in for the rest of the night, thrashing each other in combat games, and Kyle won more than usual, mostly due to Stan’s distracted state. After eating the offered meal from Stan’s mom, and playing some more, they settled in for bed, not really to go to sleep, but more to talk awhile before dropping off to exhaustion. Stan was already tired from the action-packed day he had mostly as Tool-shed, but he stayed up with Kyle, talking about nothing important, though he supposed school was important to Kyle. He was more concentrating on the way Kyle crinkled his nose when he got worked up, and the tinge of pink his plush cheeks went if he got angry about something someone in their class did. 

They were lying side by side in Stan’s bed, facing each other as their heads shared one pillow. Stan was feeling more grateful for this than guilty now, because he got to see Kyle’s up close as he talked, and his breath was cold and smelled sweet from the strawberry ice cream they stole from the fridge after dinner. It was ages ago when Kyle got diabetes, and Stan had opted for getting only sugar-free ice cream immediately so he wouldn’t feel left out. Stan ate the sugar-free kind too and he likes it, so his mom still gets that kind after all these years. 

Kyle was still ranting about their classmates to Stan, who was quite content listening if that meant he got to stay right next to his face. 

‘’Oh my god Stan, you should have heard her, I mean can you believe that bitch accused me of starting to develop a jersey accent. I nearly ripped her throat out and shoved it up her ass. We’d see who had an accent after that. I mean- I don’t do I? Have an accent?’’ 

‘’Dude no way- she’s just using something lame that happened years ago to use against you. She’s just looking to rile you and make her look better. You’re not actually from New Jersey anyway- being in the womb doesn’t count. It’s like saying if you’re pregnant and you take a trip to Africa for a month. You can’t suddenly say your baby is African when it’s born because it was in the womb during that trip.’’ 

‘’That’s right.’’ Kyle frowned ‘’You sure you don’t agree with her? I mean you’ve had a history of losing your senses to her before.’’ 

‘’Dude, I haven’t dated Wendy since fourth grade. That bitch can go to hell for all I care.’’ 

‘’I know- but I had to put up with the fallout before.’’ 

‘’I know.’’ Stan didn’t want to discuss Wendy, and their dysfunctional and frankly humiliating relationship back in the fourth grade. 

Wendy’s possessive holds of him had bordered on psychotic, but when she wanted to be with other people she would right up and leave Stan without a second thought. In the end Stan got so depressed when Wendy cheated on him with Cartman but wouldn’t let Stan go anyway that Kyle had to save him from her clutches by literally grabbing him and pulling him out of her possessive grip. Kyle had seen how unhappy Stan looked when they held hands, when the rumours around school that Wendy kissed Cartman at the flag debate and continued doing so proved true when they were caught, but she had a shit fit when San proposed taking a break. No- only she instigated the break ups, never Stan. Kyle had to rip Stan’s hand away from Wendy’s, and when she caught hold of him again, Kyle went and punched her in the face, breaking her nose. She ran off crying, holding her bloody nose, and Kyle led Stan away from the scene to calm down, and explain that yes- he was finally done with her and Kyle would punch her all over again to prove it. That day Kyle made it very clear to her and everyone else that Stan belonged to him, even if it wasn’t sexual, Stan was under his protection from then on. Stan continued to worship Kyle for saving him from her, and still does. He shudders thinking about what might have been if Kyle didn’t take his hand and lead him away from her for good. 

‘’She’s still trying to get back at me for breaking her nose. Like she could complain though. Her fucking dad runs Tom’s Rhinoplasty. She thinks she can use my imperfect nose against me, but she’s about 7 years too late.’’ 

‘’Dude you don’t have an imperfect nose.’’ 

‘’It’s too long though.’’ Kyle said, staring down sadly at it. 

‘’It’s not too long, seriously Kyle it’s fine. In fact, it’s the greatest nose I’ve ever known.’’ Stan said, smiling, remembering Kyle’s previous insecurity for his ushanka.  
Kyle grinned and limply shoved Stan’s shoulder as they lay there on the bed. 

‘’Thanks dude, I know I shouldn’t listen to my parents about that. They traumatised me when they said I looked like them.’’ 

‘’You don’t look anything like them, except maybe your mom’s hair.’’

Stan reached over and pulled on a curl that strayed from Kyle’s hat, releasing it to watch it spring back into place. 

‘’Nuh uh- don’t say it’s anything like that flaming beehive. It’s more russet coloured anyway.’’ 

‘’Yeah, you’re right- it’s completely unique. Nobody in the world has hair like you. Be proud of that dude. Be proud of yourself. You saved me from the brink of hell, you’ve punched a bitch in the face, you’ve got a great nose, and you’ve got the most awesome hair in the world.’’ 

Kyle smiled shyly and averted his gaze down to Stan’s shoulder. 

‘’Thanks dude’’ Kyle softly said. 

‘’Of course, dude, you’re my super best friend. Remember you can’t die until I do.’’ 

Stan grinned at their little inside joke, then lost his smile when Kyle gazed back up at him, suddenly the room felt very large and exposed in the evening light that reflected off Kyle’s glimmering green eyes staring sincerely back at him. Stan swallowed down the excess moisture that suddenly accumulated in his mouth when he felt his boner pop back into existence. Kyle was still staring into his soul, innocent and trusting in his gaze, and Stan was completely overwhelmed. Blood rushed to his head and he sat up quickly, stupidly, because now Kyle also sat up in panic, embarrassed that he had been staring. Like Kyle was doing anything wrong; he’s not the one getting a boner over the way his best friend talks. Stan rushed out of bed, refusing to look Kyle in the eye, and ran to the hallway bathroom without waiting for his sense of shame to catch up with him.

After Stan jerked off the ideas Kyle put in his head from the fake phone sex, he went back to the bedroom feeling quietly resigned. It’s as though the orgasm pieced together the puzzle that he was attracted to Kyle, and it was only going to get worse from here on out. He chose not to consider what this meant for him and Human Kite, deciding to burn that bridge when he came to it, it’s not as though he was going to do something about it. 

Stan had to give Kyle a lame excuse that he wasn’t feeling well in his stomach for his sudden frenzy to the bathroom. They eventually feel asleep after that, Kyle pretending to believe his half-assed reasoning to avoid conflict that night. Kyle always knew when Stan was lying, and usually Stan told him the truth to save the trouble, even if it was embarrassing, but he doubted ‘Hey Kyle, I got hard staring at your eyes and jerked off to the thought of fucking you over the bathroom sink’ would end up being easier to explain than just lying about what happened. 

As sleep overcame him, his thought processes became drunker and more freeform. He ended up falling asleep to the simple yet impossible fantasy that Kyle was Human Kite and it solved all of his problems just like that, and they humped their way to paradise for the rest of their lives, knowing they had loved each other both in and out of disguise and would continue to do so for years to come. He fell asleep smiling at the thought, no matter that he knew deep down it would never be true.

The next morning, Stan woke with a face full of Kyle’s untameable red curls, blinding his vision. His first thought was that Human Kite had somehow entered his room in the night and fallen asleep, which didn’t make sense because he’d never seen Kite’s hair, and there was no guarantee it was this vibrant and fuzzy, except maybe the promise of his red eyebrows and strawberry lashes. After blinking several times in groggy confusion, the fact that it was Kyle in his bed, not Kite, made itself clear when he turned over and nuzzled at Stan’s chest, still in blissful sleep. He knew Kyle was unaware of his actions because he would be way too embarrassed to nuzzle Stan and hum peacefully if he was conscious. He would also be as red as a tomato, but he was currently just calm and serene looking. Though one of Stan’s missions in life was to make Kyle blush-which was easy for those who knew him well, it was better seeing him mellowed out and without the usual stress lines in his forehead and eyebrows from worrying about every single little thing. 

Stan stared at Kyle curled up like a kitten leaning into him like a pillow for a while, until Kyle stirred and lifted his head, blinking slowly at Stan with a pissed off woken up face, then his eyes widened, and he leaned away. 

‘’Sorry dude, I thought you were the pillow’’ Kyle mumbled, sitting up and stretching. 

Stan was both heartened and disappointed. Heartened that Kyle thought of him in his half-asleep state as a soft enough surface for a pillow, and disappointed that Kyle stopped using him as one once he realised that he wasn’t. Stan sat up and watched as Kyle got out of bed and headed for the bathroom, then yawned and lifted himself out of bed. He liked having Kyle sleepover in his bed, it helped him sleep, and he found he was always more refreshed the day after waking with Kyle’s head on his pillow. The rest of the week you could guarantee Stan would be found dragging himself up and spilling the milk from his cereal as he tried to remember which day it was and how long until Kyle could come over again without coming across as gay. It was more for Kyle’s sake than his own, he couldn’t give a shit if people thought that, but Kyle was insecure about it. Stan would happily accept ridicule if it meant he could wake up inhaling Kyle’s intoxicatingly familiar hair. Granted everybody at school already thought they were gay together and made fun of them regardless of whether it was true, which Stan was starting to accept himself. 

He had gotten changed by the time Kyle came back into the room, Kyle looked more awake now, and even more pissed off for it. Kyle wasn’t good with mornings either, though he had more reason and drive to get up and ready for school than Stan did. He took his education much more seriously than Stan. 

‘’What’s on for today?’’ Kyle asked, walking over to his clothes to put them back on. 

‘’Uhh…’’ 

Stan was distracted as he watched Kyle take off his pyjama pants to put his jeans back on, giving Stan a nice view of his lifted ass in his underwear as he bent over to catch his legs in the jeans. Stan blinked, unmoving for a few seconds as the only thing he could think about was the word hot. The word rattled around his brain like a crazed monkey. 

It was all Bebe’s fault, it was her who wrote that stupid love letter to Kyle in third grade, making Stan look like he was obsessed with asses when he had to read it out in front of the class. To be honest, he did get kind of obsessed afterwards. At first out of innocent curiosity, trying to figure out what made Bebe think those things about Kyle’s ass, then addiction when he did study Kyle’s ass from behind him when he walked and realised that she was right- he had such a hot ass and it really wasn’t that shocking that someone would want to wear it as a hat. It was like the perfect combination of bouncy, yet tight and lean, suited for a boy. Ever since he studied it, throughout the years, he’d been trying to tell Kyle in the least incriminating way possible that he would be blessing the world if he became an ass model. Stan didn’t know if those kinds of models existed other than in porn, but he figured Kyle could be the first if there wasn’t. It really was exquisite, and Stan had always operated under the reasoning that he was just innocently appreciating it like an artwork at a gallery. But this morning was the first time Stan saw it and instead of appreciating its beauty, he wanted to exploit it, to grab Kyle’s pert cheeks and slam into it with his cock, to watch his lily white skin tinge pink when he slapped it with his hand. It was a pretty drastic change of thought to the usual ‘isn’t that an intriguing ass, I wonder what the artist used to create that perky effect’, and it was frightening considering how soon ago he’d just accepted that he liked Kyle in a more than platonic way, that now he was full on rubbernecking him while he got changed in the morning. Stan is pretty sure this will be the last sleepover they have, unless he can somehow dissolve the crushing guilt he’ll feel when he thinks fucked up things like fucking Kyle up against his bed in the middle of the night. 

‘’Stan?’’ 

Kyle had finished changing and was now standing in front of him, waving his hand around for a response. 

‘’Sorry, what did you say?’’ Stan asked, and Kyle looked incredulous. 

‘’Seriously dude- you need to stop phasing out so much. It’s really starting to piss me off. I hate having to repeat myself because people are too stupid to understand what I’m saying.’’ 

‘’Well I’ve lasted this long pretending to understand you when I’m too stupid’’ 

‘’Stan I’m not talking about you, you’re very smart, but you really pull the distracted visionary card for all its worth’’ 

‘’Oh, but Kyle- my thoughts are so deep I lose myself to everyone around me. You can’t stunt a genius.’’ Stan said mockingly.

‘’Ha! Okay Brainiac, would you bless us with a goddamn decision about what we’re going to do today already before I demote you to Apple store genius.’’ 

‘’Uh well, I’m guessing you don’t want a repeat of yesterday.’’ 

‘’Oh, I don’t know, seeing you get physically rejected by Human Kite would always be fun to watch in person.’’ 

‘’Hey, he was interested in me.’’ 

‘’Oh yeah? You consider patronizing boredom affiliated with desire? Interesting.’’ 

‘’No asshole, he came over here to talk to me afterwards.’’ Stan blurted. 

‘’What?’’

‘’He came over to thank me for helping them out, and he talked to me about different things.’’ 

‘’What things?’’ 

‘’Well he did say that you told him that I was a fan. That reminds me Kyle. What the fuck? You know Human Kite and you have all this time, and didn’t tell me? And you stayed silent when I embarrassed myself fangirling over him the other day. Oh, and you’ve also been helping Mysterion and the fucking freedom pals all this time! Is there anything else you consider yourself too good to tell your supposed super best friend? Or should I even call you that if you keep such insane secrets from me?’’ 

Stan hadn’t realised this until this moment. He’d had all afternoon and night to think about this, but his mind had been preoccupied with imagining being balls-deep in the person standing opposite him. Kyle looked guilty and he shifted uncomfortably. 

‘’How did you find out? Did Kite tell you all this?’’ 

‘’Well Mysterion told me as well.’’ 

Some of Kyle’s original annoyance returned as he accused Stan. ‘’Well hey then, you can’t go off at me when you know Mysterion and didn’t tell me. How the fuck did you guys meet anyway?’’ 

‘’Uh’’ 

Shit, Stan didn’t consider that. 

‘’I know his identity!’’ Stan blurted, unable to come up with any other reason for knowing him. 

‘’Are you fucking serious? Who is he?’’ 

‘’He’d literally kill me and torture me in hell if I told anyone. Is that good enough reason not to tell you?’’ 

Kyle glared at him, and sighed, softening a bit in understanding ‘’I suppose, since Kenny is known to be extreme for things like that.’’ 

Kyle spoke before thinking and widened his eyes in horror that he just blurted his identity. Stan gasped and gaped at Kyle.

‘’Dude- what the fuck! You know it’s him? That Mysterion is Kenny? How?’’ 

‘’Oh shit. Um, Human Kite told me.’’ 

In a way, that was true. 

‘’And how the fuck does Human Kite know?’’ Stan asked. 

‘’He guessed, and Tool-shed confirmed it as correct.’’ 

‘’Hang on- Tool-shed? What’s he got to do with anything?’’ 

‘’Oh uh, did Human Kite tell you about him he came to see you yesterday?’’ 

Stan visibly blanched, which was confirmation enough, though Kyle didn’t technically need it, he knew. 

‘’I’ll take that as a yes. Yeah so that’s a thing, and why Human Kite found out, because Tool-shed knows Mysterion’s identity. Also while I’m telling you everything I should let you know Mysterion sent Tool-shed to deliver mission analysis to me, and we’ve met, so that sex talk before was kind of playing it up a bit- because in real life he’s even better looking than newspaper images.’’ 

Stan blushed, assumedly because Kyle was so blatantly discussing his sexual preferences with men, which really was new according to Stan. Kyle decided to spare him further awkwardness and change the subject. 

‘’Hey so isn’t that crazy- our horny, little Kenny is dark, scary Mysterion. That means he’s broken into my bedroom and given me police reports disguised in a batmanesque suit. That’s creepy when I think about it.’’ 

‘’Does he know that you know?’’ Kyle asked. 

‘’No, you?’’ Stan lied. 

‘’No, should we tell him then? It’s dishonest to know his secret and hide it from him’’ Kyle asked. 

‘’No dude- he’s super weird about this stuff.’’ Stan argued 

‘’Still, I don’t feel comfortable knowing it’s him and persevering through his garbled speeches about heroism knowing the pervert hiding behind the mask. I’m gonna tell him. You don’t have to do the same, I won’t reveal you, but I can’t ignore that fact after learning it.’’ Kyle said 

‘’Fine, let’s go and tell him today. Not at school, cause’ he might freak out or something.’’ Stan said 

‘’Yeah. Alright I guess we’ve got a plan for the day after all.’’


	5. Chapter 5

They had breakfast and made their way down into town, back to the scene from yesterday. The street was a wasteland, but now police tape lined the streets of every broken shop window and officers dotted the block as they studied the scene. 

‘’Shit dude- you were here during the fight?’’ Kyle asked, breathing heavily. 

‘’Uh huh. It looks worse now actually seeing the extent of the damage past the tunnelled vision of war.’’ Stan said, scanning the destroyed shops and seeing the hardware store, a tattered mess with a car sticking out its shop front where he returned his disguise after Kite left. 

‘’Sup guys, yesterday was pretty crazy huh?’’ 

Stan and Kyle turned to see Kenny standing before them, a gardening magazine in his hands. 

‘’Why have you got a gardening magazine?’’ Stan wondered. He’d never shown any interest in gardening before, so it was baffling that he looked so intently interested in studying the pages.

Kenny chuckled and revealed a playboy hidden on the inside. 

‘’Oldest trick in the book. Pun intended.’’

Stan exchanged a look with Kyle, acknowledging that now was the time to tell him. 

‘’Where did you go after you ran off Kyle?’’ Kenny asked. Kyle cleared his throat. 

‘’Uh I went home. Stan came to see me afterwards. Where did you go?’’ 

‘’Stan and I helped people out of the destruction.’’ Kenny glanced at Stan, code for keeping that story true to hide their identities. Stan cringed, knowing that story was about change. 

‘’Well that’s weird, because Stan told me that he was helping Mysterion, and you weren’t there at all.’’ 

‘’Huh, I was definitely there, maybe Stan got confused amid the chaos or something’’ Kenny shrugged. 

‘’Well Stan was there, and he said you weren’t so…’’ Kyle looked at Stan, though Stan was looking down, away from Kenny’s burning glare. 

‘’What are you trying to say Kyle.’’ Kenny narrowed his eyes at Kyle, then Stan. 

‘’Dude’’ Stan began, looking up at him ‘’We know. Kyle knows.’’ 

Kenny exhaled, and crossed his arms. 

‘’You know what Stan?’’ 

Stan had to give it to Kenny, he was being very careful to keep himself a secret. 

‘’Kenny, you’re Mysterion’’ Kyle said. 

Kenny gave Kyle and Stan a look of hellfire, then said ‘’Stan, you dick, what the fuck are you doing revealing me to Kyle?’’ 

‘’Why the fuck can Stan know about it but not me?’’ Kyle asked and Kenny shook his head. 

‘’Because Stan is-‘’ Kenny paused then looked at Stan, who widened his eyes in code to not reveal him. 

‘’It’s just different circumstances that led him to know’’ He amended, ‘’But I guess it doesn’t matter now. Fuck, I was doing well to hide it until now! Why’d you fuck me Stan?’’  
‘’I didn’t ‘fuck you’ Kenny, Kyle was told by Human Kite’’ Stan corrected.

‘’Human Kite? Fucking Human Kite knows and went and told Kyle! Stan look- I know you’ve got a hard on for him, but that doesn’t mean you can expose things to keep him hanging around. He’s the fucking opposition for fucks sake!’’ 

‘’I didn’t tell him, he figured it out and Tool-shed confirmed it for him.’’ Kyle said. Kenny glared at Stan. 

‘’Fucking Tool-shed. At least I know now who’s a fucking traitor on my team.’’ Kenny said, looking pointedly at Stan. 

Stan was about to protest, but remembered Kyle was present and just looked down. Kyle spoke up on Stan’s behalf. 

‘’Hey don’t blame Tool-shed. You know about his situation with Kite, so of course he’d trust him to keep it secret.’’ 

‘’Oh, I’m sorry Kyle, I didn’t realise you had a hard on for Tool-shed. What’s so fucking appealing about superheroes to make you two lose your senses. I’ve been using Mysterion wrong all these years.’’ Kenny said. 

‘’Are we alright?’’ Stan asked quietly after Kenny took a few measured breaths to calm down. 

‘’Of course, we are. You guys are my best friends and I’d happily trust you to keep my secrets. What’s pissed me off is the fact that two other superheroes know my identity and one of them is our fucking enemy.’’ 

‘’Kite told me that you thought his and Tool-shed’s relationship was okay, and they are on opposite sides.’’ Kyle said, sadly.

‘’Why the fuck is Human Kite telling you everything going on?’’ Kenny asked. 

‘’He’s a programmer too, and we dabble together every now and then. You’re not the only one who breaks into my room to see me.’’ Kyle explained. 

‘’Oh please, you loved it when I broke in, besides, I’ve satisfied your boner for Tool-shed by making him see you now. Who knows what you guys get up to in that room.’’ 

Kyle blushed and angrily said ‘’We are working on the pointless case files for missing persons that you embarrassed yourself giving me to get me to research Coon and friends weaknesses. Which by the why, I’ve told you a million times, I will not do.’’

‘’Well why the fuck not? What are the fucking Coon and friends paying you to not help us with this?’’ 

‘’They are paying me with the promise of not murdering me in my sleep by helping you. You know I can’t favour you in a war like this- come on, have some sense. I’m sure it’s no big surprise that Cartman is the Coon, and it’s no big surprise that he’d brutally humiliate then murder me if he found out his ‘traitorous’ dirty Jew of a friend is helping the one person he hates more than anyone, and that’s including me- which is saying something considering his plots to murder me as kids.’’ 

Kenny held his face and sighed into them in frustration. ‘’Whatever dude, Jesus Christ. It’s one thing that I walk in on Human Kite and Tool-shed fucking in an alley, and now my identity’s been exposed by those very fuckers. What’s next, are we going to merge with the fucking Coon and fags under the rule of the fatass?’’ Kenny asked Stan pointedly, who shrugged. ‘’I don’t know what you guys are gonna do, but it’s not the end of the world. It might be good if someone else knows your identity.’’ 

‘’If Human Kite tries anything, I will not hesitate to rip his balls off while Tool-shed watches.’’ Kenny threatened, and Stan gave him a look of hellfire.  
Kyle piped in before Stan could defend Kite. 

‘’Hey, I know Human Kite, and he wouldn’t do anything to betray you. He’s all for peace between the two teams, and he’s got an even better reason not to do anything while his boyfriend is on the opposition.’’ 

‘’We’ll see’’ Kenny muttered, ‘’Anyway, I’m going to go. I can’t guarantee I won’t hurt you guys while I’m pissed off like this.’’ 

And he walked off, too angry it seemed to be bothered hiding his porno in the gardening magazine. He just dropped it and read straight out of the playboy in view of everyone.  
Stan looked at Kyle, who was frowning back at him. 

‘’Dude, that was harsh. He was very protective of his name.’’ 

‘’I know, but he needed to know that we knew. And besides, we can talk about it without any secrecy now.’’ 

Stan agreed, though he felt bad lying to Kyle about his own identity. Why, he thought, am I hiding myself when even Kyle knows Kenny’s identity? It was for Human Kite’s sake, he remembered, so he figured if he wanted them to know he was Tool-shed, he would tell Human Kite first, because it held more relevance to him in the end. He resolved to organise to meet Kite the next day, more so he had a day to work up his nerves than so he could see him sooner. 

The rest of the day was spent hanging out in town, revisiting the places they went the day before, including the movies and this time they went in. 

‘’Dude we’ve seen that too many times now, it’s lost its punch’’ Kyle said walking out of the cinemas, after watching Terrance and Phillip movie again. 

‘’Even so, we’ve got to respect fine art as what it is’’ Stan said.

‘’Fine art my ass, it’s just another movie we learnt to swear from.’’ 

Stan gulped, trying not to think about Kyle’s ass, though he couldn’t help peeking a little as they walk out, Kyle marching ahead of him. It was still a work of art, and Stan was relieved, then remorseful for ogling it. Kyle didn’t notice. 

They went back to Kyle’s house, and they got through the front door, planning on heading up to Kyle’s room to fuck around with videogames for the rest of the afternoon, but Kyle’s mom stopped him. 

‘’Excuse me, Kyle, where have you been?’’ 

Sheila stared up at them, putting her hands on her hips. She was now shorter than Kyle who stood a full foot higher than her and had to look down. Stan was still taller than him though. That mass beehive piled on her head balanced her total height to them, but she was still a short woman. 

‘’Uh, Stan and I were hanging out in town’’ Kyle responded warily.

‘’And where were you last night?’’ She asked suspiciously.

‘’I asked dad if I could spend the night over at Stan’s. He said it was fine.’’ 

Kyle shrugged off her expectant glares, but she pushed on. 

‘’Kyle you know I’ve told you not to spend so much time over at Stan’s.’’ 

‘’Wait- what?’’ Stan asked, confused as this was the first complaint, he’s ever heard from Sheila about the amount of time they spend together. Kyle gave him a pleading look to silence him, which hurt. Kyle was keeping this truth from him to protect Stan from his family’s judgement. He’d always assumed they didn’t care, seeing as though the last time their family’s complained about their closeness was at Mackey’s meteor shower party. Stan’s dad had said to Stan that if they spend all their time together people might think they’re ‘funny’, to which he responded, ‘Kyle is funny’. He didn’t understand at the time that people thought they were gay for being so close, but other’s ideas were made clear when they figured out what ‘gay’ meant. It never stopped them, but now apparently Kyle’s mom had opened that old wound up again, and Kyle hadn’t told him the wound was bleeding.

Stan gave Kyle a look of betrayal, hoping he’d understand and be ashamed for hiding things from him. Kyle wilted a little, then turned back to his mother. 

‘’Mom, we’ve been hanging out at each other’s houses for years now. Why are you suddenly concerned? I’m 17 years old for god’s sake!’’ 

‘’That’s precisely why I’m concerned Kyle. You are 17 years old now, and I know this is the age where people are sexually active. Now I’m not sure what you do over at Stan’s- ‘’  
‘’Oh god not this again!’’ Kyle interrupted, groaning and coving his eyes with his hands. 

‘’Now Kyle, I know you haven’t confessed to me anything about you and Stan yet, but that won’t stop me to explain safe sex anyway.’’ 

‘’Mother!’’ Kyle yelled, going beet red and turning to stare at her in mortification. 

Stan was more confused than embarrassed, mostly that she was being so blunt about things she was convinced they were doing. Stan was confused what gave her the impression they’d been doing anything to begin with, much as Stan would like. 

‘’Well Kyle, you refuse to take any opportunity to confess to me, I’m you know I support it completely- as long as you’re being safe and using condoms.’’ 

‘’Uh we aren’t doing anything like that Mrs Broflovski’’ Stan awkwardly pointed out, going red, hoping he could get Kyle’s stronger defiance to prove their point. 

Kyle was closing in on himself, still extremely red in the face and scowling away from all of them. 

‘’Stan’’ Sheila said, hoping to get through to Stan instead, ‘’I hope you know that I do love and support you, and I’d be glad to call you my son-in-law. But surely you understand why I’m browbeating you and Kyle into being safe. I know pregnancy isn’t a risk for you, but STD’s are still gettable and still very dangerous.’’ 

‘’We aren’t together Mother! For god’s sake will you listen to me for one goddamn second! Stan and I are not together, we are not sexual, and we never will be!’’ 

Stan wasn’t expecting his chest to crush when Kyle said that, but it happened, and now Stan was embarrassingly, yet determinedly holding back a lump in his throat. Sheila frowned. 

‘’Kyle’’ She said softly, trying to touch his shoulder, but he violently shrugged her hand away. 

‘’I’m sorry, it’s just that you two spend so much time together, having sleepovers still at your age. It’s sweet really.’’ 

‘’Did you ever consider the fact that we are just good friends who have known each other since we were fucking babies!’’ Kyle snapped ‘’Just because we are comfortable with each other does not mean we are fucking! For Christ’s sake get some goddamn perspective before you spring to the assumption that we’re gay! Stan is seeing somebody for fucks sake!’’ 

‘’Oh’’ Sheila muttered softly, glancing at Stan for confirmation.

Stan just stood looking at Kyle, slightly annoyed when Kyle denied that they were gay, because he was lying now, and it would just make confessing later harder. And he was claiming things for Stan now that weren’t true to convince his mother. To be honest, Stan didn’t care if people knew what his sexuality was, but Kyle was using his story to deny any relationship they potentially had according to his parents, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to deny it as much as Kyle did. 

‘’That’s right’’ Stan said, still looking at Kyle, who was avoiding everyone’s eyes.

‘’I’m sorry Stanley, I didn’t mean to embarrass you about that. Kyle gets worked up sometimes, I don’t think he meant to make you feel uncomfortable.’’ 

Kyle guffawed ‘’Oh- me? I’m the one bringing up non-existent sexual relationships to my child and his best friend? That’s rich. You’re not stopping me from hanging out with Stan, and we can have goddamn pyjama parties if we want to, that doesn’t mean we’re gay. And you’ve got to get that humiliating idea out of your head and stop bringing it up while Stan is fucking standing right there!’’ 

Kyle gestured to Stan, flipping his arms around wildly to somehow prove his point. He was a very worked up now, Stan was surprised he was the one making the fuss, when Stan was the one who should be pointlessly denying any feelings he has for Kyle and had selfishly supressed them- telling himself it’s for Kyle’s sake. 

‘’It’s okay Kyle. I get how the sleepovers would look- confusing. But honestly Mrs Broflovski, Kyle and I are just friends’’ Stan tried to explain, attempting to somehow calm down Kyle and placate Sheila and her wild theories. 

‘’It’s not okay Stan- everyone has been taunting us for years just because no one knows what it’s like to have a close friend in this inbred hick town. They’re all just throwing us under the bus because they’re all closeted homophobes and they couldn’t tell a friend from an ass-fucker if it was slapping them in the face.’’  
‘’Kyle’’ Sheila said sadly, but Kyle interrupted again. 

‘’No mother- you can’t act sympathetic. You are one of them, assuming I’m gay and fucking my best friend. It’s not on and I’ll not put up with it. I can’t trust anybody but Stan not to humiliate me with this anymore. I can’t wait to get out of this fucking mountain hell and all of you bigoted assholes!’’ 

Kyle grabbed Stan and pulled him up the stairs, away from Sheila, who was calling him to come back. Kyle ignored her, dragged Stan to his room and pulled him inside, closing the door with a bang. Stan stood in the middle of the room, watching Kyle cautiously, as he breathed heavily, looking at the ground, then collapsed against the door and burst into tears. 

‘’Kyle!’’ Stan exclaimed, rushing down to meet him on the ground, as Kyle curled in on himself and sobbed hopelessly. Stan hugged him tightly, pulling his hair from his eyes as tears continued to spring like a waterfall from Kyle pinched shut eyes down to his pink cheeks. 

The arousal Stan felt from the sight of his adorable cheeks staining pink was trampled by the much larger crushing need to make Kyle feel better and stop the heart wrenching jerks claiming his body as he wailed into Stan’s arms. Kyle flung himself into Stan, still crying and dribbling his spit into Stan’s shoulder, but that was the least of Stan’s worries.  
‘’Shh, it’s okay Kyle. Everything’s fine’’ Stan repeated like a mantra into Kyle’s hair, which he realised was loose because his ushanka was still at Stan’s house, and Kyle hadn’t even noticed that he’d spent most of the day without the coping mechanism for his unruly hair. 

Kyle clung onto Stan, gripping his nails deep into Stan’s shoulder and back as he attempted and failed to sniffle back the continues flow of snot and tears. 

‘’It’s not okay Stan!’’ Kyle wailed miserably ‘’Everyone’s out to get us. We can’t have sleepovers; we can’t hang out anymore without people assuming we’re fucking gay! I’m fucking sick of the accusations. Maybe when we were young it was a harmless joke, but it’s gone on for over 10 fucking years! People won’t be satisfied until we either go and be gay for them or just don’t socialise at all. I couldn’t handle that- I’d fucking go insane if you weren’t in my life. I can’t even sleep properly anymore without you there, that’s how co-dependant I’ve become.’’ 

Stan moaned sympathetically ‘’I know Kyle, me too. Those nights you stay over are my favourite moments all week. Fuck, I’d have a sleepover every night if we could. My bed isn’t complete without you in it.’’ Stan didn’t mean to admit that, but Kyle was smiling a little, and still desperately nuzzling his shoulder, so it was worth it. 

‘’God, Stan. That’s was so fucking embarrassing, I can’t believe my mom said all of that with you standing right there.’’ 

‘’Why didn’t you tell me she was saying stuff like that before, and that we couldn’t hang out as much?’’ Stan asked, holding Kyle securely and a safe embrace. Kyle sighed and rubbed his eyes. 

‘’Because dude, it’s humiliating, and I didn’t want you to know how bad I cop the gay accusations at home. Hell- they taunt me more than Cartman does. I just thought I could protect you from it, bear the brunt of it myself, so you wouldn’t get put down at school. You know how they bully football players about it.’’ 

‘’Dude, I don’t give a fuck about what coaches and fans think about that. You’re there for the football, not the players social lives. I don’t want you putting up with all of that. Shit- if you want, we’ll try to distant ourselves to avoid that.’’ 

‘’No!’’ Kyle sounded panicked, and hugged Stan closer ‘’I’m sorry- god this going to sound selfish but I’d rather you quit football that stop being friends for appearances sake. I can’t live without you Stan.’’ Kyle said pathetically, and Stan was completely infatuated, rubbing Kyle’s back and running his hand through his curls as his only coherent thought was I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you so, so much. 

‘’Me neither. I’d quit football for you dude.’’ Stan assured him. 

‘’I feel so selfish. Football is your life, and I’m making you give it up for some dumb accusation that isn’t even true’’ 

‘’No Kyle- you’re my life. I’d be sad if I lost football, but I’d get over it, and I would never get over it if I lost you. Especially if it was because of dumb rumours. Who cares about what pathetic people think? They’re just jealous of our superior relationship, and they’re trying to drag us down to their level. Don’t worry about your mom, I’m not embarrassed, just shocked, I think at her- bluntness.’’ It was killing Stan to supress his longing, but Kyle didn’t need any more sources of stress, and Stan would do anything for their friendship, even keep his emotions simmering, never to erupt. For Kyle, he’d do anything.

‘’She was going on about condoms Stan!’’ Kyle exclaimed, pulling himself away to look at Stan in disbelief. 

Stan’s heart shattered when he saw Kyle’s eyes, red in the corners and glimmering with wetness, frankly, just fucking stunning, shining bright green against the otherwise dull, dark room around them. Stan caught himself just staring intensely at Kyle, who was staring intensely back, lips parting to say something, but nothing came out. 

‘’Kyle’’ Stan said softly, but then Kyle flicked his gaze away from Stan’s, and the earth crashing feeling followed being in heaven for a few infinite seconds. 

‘’I don’t want to change anything’’ Kyle quietly said after Stan just kept staring. Stan knew Kyle meant about spending less time together, but he couldn’t help thinking ‘I don’t actually want to change our relationship to anything romantic’, and he couldn’t help feeling crushed, though in reality Kyle never meant that, and he knew it. 

‘’Me neither’’ Stan said anyway, because Kyle needed confirmation. 

Kyle smiled, and said ‘’So everyone else can just go to hell. And we’ll just keep having pyjama parties in your room at night’’ 

Stan laughed and said ‘’Of course, and just to keep up with our tag, we’ll make it a topless pyjama party, minimum of 6 abs required for entry.’’ 

They both laughed, and Stan couldn’t help staring again, because now the tear-stained cheeks he’d felt so intent to lick before were now creased with laughter and pure joy, something Stan saw that he could always count on to fill his otherwise barren heart to fill with a fresh ravine of water, rejuvenating him completely, and also filling him with hope, that he and Kyle could still make it, and if wishing on stars counted for anything, make it out of this town more than friends. He let these hopes fill his heart and stay there indefinitely, because Kyle didn’t need any more things to worry about, the poor guy stressed over enough. Stan just wanted to huddle him into his arms forever and protect him from any negative emotions- forever safe in his embrace. 

‘’I’d say I should stay here the night to show those fuckers that we’ll do what we want, but I don’t want to piss off your mom anymore. I doubt she’ll stay so ‘supportive’ if we sleep over every night’’ Stan said.

‘’Aw Stan, are you sure you can’t stay over? I don’t want to be alone right now.’’ Kyle pleaded, and Stan’s heart broke, because he had to go home at some point. 

‘’Kyle, you’re not alone. Even if I’m not here, I’ll always be next door, and you can come over whenever you want. Plus, it’ll be good practise when we can’t sleep over as much.’’ 

‘’Can you least stay the rest of the afternoon?’’ Kyle pleaded again, giving Stan another heartbreaking pout. 

‘’Of course, dude.’’ Stan thought; of course, I won’t be able to get you out of my head anyway.

So, they spent the rest of the afternoon lounged out on Kyle’s bed talking about everything that had happened, now with a bit of humour after the seriousness had been dissolved, and really it was kind of funny that people immediately thought that about them before all else. It made them feel sorry for people without a super best friend, though they doubted any two people had a relationship like theirs, and they were proud of that very likely possibility. It got late and Stan grudgingly left Kyle’s side to head home. 

‘’I’ll meet you at the bus stop tomorrow yeah?’’ Kyle asked, sitting up on his bed when Stan put his coat back on. 

‘’Of course, dude, don’t come without me’’ Stan added coyly, and Kyle grinned, sticking his tongue out at Stan. 

‘’Ass master’’ Kyle retorted, ‘’Butt pirate’’ Stan shot back immediately, grinning. 

‘’Go on, fuck off out of here so I can jerk off to you mastering my ass.’’ 

‘’Careful Kyle, you don’t want to give your mother proof of your gayness with come on your bed sheets’’ 

‘’Yeah, yeah. Go on now Stan, and don’t plan on coming back here until you come on my back here’’ he petted his bed, smiling innocently then flipped off Stan and shooing him away with the middle finger. 

‘’See ya dude!’’ Stan called out as he left the room, hearing Kyle yell goodbye. He walked down the steps, expecting Sheila to berate him again, but luckily, she was out of sight, so Stan slipped out the front door and walked next door to his own house.

Stan was so exhausted from that emotionally draining afternoon that he collapsed into his bed as soon as he got home, without eating dinner or getting changed and just lay there drifting off to the image of Kyle. Kyle crying in a corner, trying desperately to wipe his tears free of his red face, but for some reason he can’t. Stan tries to reach him to wipe his face dry, but he’s being held captive in a clear glass box. He knows he needs to get to Kyle, to wipe his tears with his thumbs off his beautifully fragile face, because he knows he’s the only person who will effectively wipe his tears off, he’s the only person who will make Kyle feel better. He ends up breaking the glass box and smashing out of it with his brute force, but by the time he gets out, Kyle is gone, only a small puddle of his tears remains.

Stan jerked awake, cold and caked in sweat. He’s still wearing his clothes from the previous day, though today is still that day, just late at night. Stan realises the horrific and traumatising images in his head was a dream, not some psychotic thought he whipped up. He’s shivering from the cold air in the room, and the vivid nature of the dream. 

He sat up from his bed and yawned, feeling like he needed a shower, to cleanse his skin of the rising goose bumps. No, he needs a fucking hug, from Kyle, or maybe even his mom. Since he didn’t have the balls to wake Kyle in the middle of the night to cuddle, and he felt too embarrassed to tell his mom he had a nightmare, that option was out. He stood up to take his clothes off and have a shower, hopefully so it could shake him from that dream. When he was younger he called Kyle without hesitation about the weird and scary dreams he would have, but now he’s embarrassed to share his devastation over not being able to comfort Kyle when he’s upset, and the messages manifested in the dream only make it worse. So, he tried to wash off the bad dream from his skin when he showers, thinking it’s the next best thing to calling Kyle to inform him on the matter, or getting that hug. Stan got out of the shower and changed into his pyjamas, collapsing into bed yet again, trying to think of anything that would prevent him from having another nightmare. He ended up drifting back to Kyle, but this time he didn’t berate himself when it got past platonic levels. It wasn’t that explicit anyway, sweeter, Stan was cuddling Kyle while he did his homework, occasionally kissing his cheek, and Kyle was blushing like a tomato, but smiling. And by the time Stan fell asleep, he was smiling too.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, the four of the boys were waiting at the bus stop again, Cartman ranted about something or other, no one really cared. Usually Kyle was the one to indulge Cartman’s opinions with very opposing ones, but this time he was too distracted with indulging Stan, paying him full attention. Only Kenny seemed to notice his clingy behaviour, for Stan was very used to it, and Cartman was too self-absorbed to care about their supposed ‘gay shenanigans’. 

Kenny was eying Kyle as he clung to Stan’s side, looking up at him like a saint, as Stan was talking and suddenly Kyle would laugh like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard, eyes glimmering with admiration. Kenny knew that look anywhere, and usually it would make him feel happy that his best friends had something so goddamn precious with each other, but now apparently Stan was seeing Human Kite as Tool-shed, and they were seriously in love. And that made this beautiful picture a lot more complicated.

He was happy for Stan of course, mildly, but more heartbroken than anything for Kyle who had so obviously been pining for Stan for years with a kind of worship you couldn’t fake or learn. That shit was bred, and Kyle was a pure breed when it came to worshipping Stan’s every whim. Stan was aware of his situation with Kite, and how obviously Kyle is flirting, and yet he lets it happen, he gets Kyle’s hopes up. What made Kenny angry was that Stan probably knew Kyle loved him, and he’s going and humping it up with Human Kite in dark alleys, anyways, probably even unaware of Kite’s fucking identity. If Stan were with Kyle, they wouldn’t need time to get to know each other, they could just fuck, and fuck, and fuck their hearts out. That was a pretty sweet deal, Kenny would be thrilled if he had the same opportunities, not that he wasn’t happy with Butters, he was fucking elated with Butters, but their relationship couldn’t be classified as strong and magnetic as Stan and Kyle’s. He knew telepathic level best friends were rare entities, and that he couldn’t just pick a friend and expect that trust to build. It was impossible, for anyone, except the two luckiest sons of bitches who managed to do it without so much as a how-do-you-do. And what do they do with this amazing relationship? They keep it nonsexual, for some insane fucking reason that Kenny never had and never will understand. What a waste of soulmates. 

It put him in a bad mood, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from them, intrigued with every development, every slight movement that might’ve implied something more. Kenny knew he was obsessed, that no one else had this level of dedication to watching Stan and Kyle’s relationship, but he had been subject to third wheel for many years now, and he had to listen to each of them complaining about each other, or mourning over a near-death experience or case of clinical cynicism, he had to learn to love it, otherwise he’d have gone insane by now. Hell, he had depression for a few years when he was young, and god knows how many times he’s tragically died, but no, these guys only came crying to Kenny when the other was hurting. They only cried for each other, they only lost their identities without each other, and they only trusted each other. 

He’d seen such a bad marriage with his parents and basically all other parents, especially Stan’s, who’d split up like 10 times now and he found that this effortless love story blossoming before him could be the magical formula of a perfect relationship. Well, it was, before Stan threw a spanner in the works and decided he wanted to fuck some dude he barely knew. There had to be some reason for doing this, because Kite stated that they’d dated for 3 years, which was bullshit, because Stan was physically kissing the ground Kyle walked on at that point in time, which meant that he was still in love with Kyle when he romanced Kite. He still looks like he’s in love right now, but Kenny can’t get the image of him shoving his tongue down Kite’s throat while he holds his legs around his waist. Granted, it’s a pretty hot act, but the fact that it is Stan, and the other is not Kyle, makes Kenny’s heart hurt too much to enjoy the aesthetics of the scene. He’s still pissed off that they both know about Mysterion, but mostly pissed that Human Kite knows. He’s not blaming Human Kite for being a snitch, yet, but he’s one of Coon’s lackeys, which even if he hates him, he’s still at risk of exposing something to the sadistic fat ass. 

Kenny looked back over to Stan and Kyle, who were now wrapping their arms hugged around each other’s shoulders for warmth. Pfft, what a load of bullshit. You don’t do that with anyone platonic, even in this freezing-ass weather, you do that to the person you love, or the person you’ve fucked. Or in rare cases to the person you love but won’t confess you do and awkwardly involve physical contact into everyday actions to get some of what the other persons lover is getting the most of. Though Kyle doesn’t know Stan is Tool-shed, and he’s seeing Human Kite. They did say they were both seeing people now on the bus the other day. They’d secretly talked about it after Kenny had implied, they were fucking, and Kenny had ‘overhead’ them. Okay, more like very intently eavesdropped through the seat behind them, but anyway. They talked about some ‘mystery person’ they were both seeing, and they outed themselves as gay in the process. Kenny just thought at the time that it was a hidden tactic to tell each other they were gay and open for business, but apparently Stan was serious. Hell, Kyle might have been serious too, but the more likely answer is that he said he was seeing someone too to avoid embarrassment or rejection when he heard about Stan.

Kenny knew that being subtle and submissive was key to getting them back on track, but he was freezing his ass off, he hadn’t eaten since the night before, and now the one relationship that always brought a smile to his face was slipping through the cracks, so he decided he’d had enough of this shit.

‘’Stan what are you doing?’’ Kenny asked, very matter-of-factly.

Stan looked puzzled, still huddled around Kyle, who was giving his own confused glance. The poor child.

‘’Um standing here, waiting for the bus?’’ He said, uncertainly. 

Kenny was getting angry, and he knew deep down he shouldn’t direct his anger to them, but he was feeling in the mood the break something, and these gaylord’s closet doors might do just the trick. 

‘’No, what are you doing?’’ Kenny asked again, stronger this time, and waving around him and Kyle as a clue. 

‘’What are you on about Kenny?’’ Kyle wondered, looking back to ask Stan with his eyes. The sons of a bitches were using their special telepathic language again, and they don’t even have the balls to make out afterwards. Okay he’s going a bit crazy now, but he needs to get this out there. 

‘’I’m on about you guys. What the fuck is going on with you two? Huh? Cos I’m pretty sure friends don’t molest each other’s shoulders like that.’’ Stan and Kyle immediately released each other, typical. 

‘’Kenny, I thought you knew better than anyone that Stan and Kyle are the gayest gay wads to ever taste the rainbow’’ Cartman piped in, earning a hateful scowl from Kyle.   
‘’Dude, it’s fucking freezing balls, so if you huddle closer its warmer- to preserve the heat’’ Stan defended himself.

‘’I think I can vouch for all guys in our class when I say that is not what straight guys do- even if its freezing balls. They’d put up with the cold before feeling up the guy next to them’’ Kenny said.

‘’Hey, Kyle’s my super best friend. We don’t care whatever gay accusation you throw at us, you’re all just jealous anyway.’’ Stan tugged Kyle under his arm again, defiantly, though Kyle was less receptive than before. Maybe he’s getting somewhere here after all, maybe they’ll get a clue. 

‘’Ha! Jealous of you fags. I don’t think so!’’ Cartman cackled, interrupting yet again, when Kenny was on a serious mission here. 

Kenny turned to him, giving him his best ‘shut the fuck up or I’ll chop your balls off and feed them to your cat’’ look. It worked, and Cartman looked back out into the road, sulking, and still waiting for this goddamn bus to arrive. 

‘’Are you guys going to torture me any longer? Can you please, please just at least admit you’re in love with each other and get it the fuck out of the way?’’ 

Kenny stood up straight in front of them, hoping to use his height as an advantage to scare them into confessing. He was taller than both Stan and Kyle, though Kenny was lankier than Stan, who ate real meals instead of baloney sandwiches and instant waffles and played football. Kyle was the smallest of the four of them in frame and height, but man did he compensate in attitude.

‘’Kenny, Stan is seeing someone!’’ Kyle pointed out, probably hoping it would stump Kenny into shock. No such luck. 

‘’I’m fucking aware Stan is seeing someone, Kyle! That does not mean he’s not in love with you. That also doesn’t excuse you from being in love with him. So, will you just stop being so goddamn stupid and make out already. It’s so fucking obvious you want to, so just do it you pussies!’’ 

‘’Kenny what’s the matter with you? Why are you being so crazy right now?’’ Stan asked, looking concerned. The patronising bastard. 

‘’I’m being so crazy because you pussies have fucked with my head for the past 10 years, and I’m done with it. I’m done with this shit between you two. One of you comes to me crying about the other, and vice versa. You are both so awkward in public, acting like you want to molest each other but you don’t have the fucking balls to expose the little game you’ve been playing to keep the weird sex-fest of a friendship you have with each other secret from the rest of us. It’s bullshit- I’ve done my job, give me my fucking payment. I need to see the result, and I know my hard work hasn’t been for nothing. There are feelings there, I can see it so fucking clearly, I want to puke how strong it is, the restraint you’ve put on it. It’s your fault now that when it finally bursts, it’s gonna be all over the place.’’ 

Kenny breathed through his nose, waiting for something, anything to happen, so he could finally get his justice. They both had shocked and red faces, Kyle looked fuming. Stan nervously released Kyle again, and Kyle turned his growing anger to Stan, offended that he took his arm away. Finally, progress. Or so Kenny thought.

‘’Stan, you said you didn’t care about the gay comments. Why do you suddenly act like what we’re doing here was wrong?’’ Kyle asked, his voice losing strength, wavering a bit.

‘’Because Kyle, Kenny just made this big song and dance about it. Why would you stay like that if he just implied, we’re involved?’’ Stan reasoned, annoyance creeping into his tone.  
‘’I thought we didn’t care. I thought we were above all the accusations. What the hell was last night about then if you were lying.’’ Kyle was quickly losing it, his eyes growing wet. Kenny was not expecting Kyle to break down this way, about something that had happened last night. Did they fuck or something?

‘’Hang on, what happened last night?’’ Kenny asked.

‘’None of your business!’’ Stan glared at Kenny, then turned to Kyle again. ‘’Hey’’ Stan’s voice grew softer. Kyle was properly crying now, Stan wiping the tears from his face. 

‘’You were just lying to me, you don’t care. You don’t care.’’ Kyle wept, shaking his head when Stan tried to hug him.

‘’Kyle, stop. Please, I care more than anything. Don’t cry, please, I hate it when you cry.’’ Stan started getting uneven in voice too, placing himself around Kyle, who was closing in on himself, pitifully weeping onto his shoulder. 

Kenny was just standing in front of them in shock, still comprehending the dramatic turn of events. Stan must have been fooling Kyle way too heavily, because he was now having a breakdown, crying at Stan’s chest, not even caring if Cartman judged his outburst, which he was, scowling at them in disgust, but probably keeping his word to Kenny, so that Kenny doesn’t feed his balls to his cat. 

Kenny was shocked that Kyle was so dramatically crumbling, though it was inevitable. Kenny didn’t think to consider that when they finally got things out there, it would be so ugly. He was imagining a tender, yet furious few days of unbearable love and coddling, after they made their feelings known to each other. Maybe crying would be part of it, but it would be joyful, and relief from the uncomfortable hiding they’d done their whole lives. It shouldn’t be like this, Kyle sobbing over Stan’s apparent selfishness, and Stan unable to make him feel better, unaware of what he even did wrong. It was all wrong, and suddenly, Kenny felt guilty he’d brought up this apparently sore topic, even if it had to be done. He wasn’t so sure this would end out the way he’d wanted, but he had to do something, anything to ease them back onto track.

‘’Stan, what happened last night?’’ Kenny offered, trying to imply he could help them out. Stan didn’t respond, but Kyle looked up to Kenny, red-stained eyes making his chest hurt. Goddammit Stan, he thought, be a man and kiss him for fucks sake, the poor soul is crying for it. 

‘’It’s too much’’ Kyle blabbered ‘’Nobody left us alone. Even my fucking mother wanted me to confess something that wasn’t even true! And now you’re doing it too. Why can’t you leave us be, why do you people need to know so bad!’’ Stan shushed him, rubbing his back, and Kyle eased into it, his violent crying jerks calming down, though he was still looking pretty torn up.

‘’Because, I’ve been putting up with it for years Kyle. For years I’d sit through both of you crying over each other, both of you losing your identities when the other stopped being friends. I need closure because I need to know what I’ve put up with went somewhere, if you guys completed this awkward phase and finally admitted what you are. I’m sorry if it’s such a sore issue, but you’ve honestly put that on themselves.’’ 

‘’We didn’t put you guys calling us gay and in love with each other. You did that on your own’’ Stan said, glowering, defensive on Kyle’s behalf. Kyle was breathing erratically, and Stan started rubbing his back.

‘’No, you did that too. You guys are too close for friends, you can’t put another adjective onto best friends to excuse what you’re doing. Unless super best friends mean super in love fuck buddies, and you just haven’t transitioned into super boyfriends yet. That’s why I’m doing this, not to hurt you guys, I’d never want to hurt you, but to get you off your asses and do something about this travesty. You guys are the definition of perfect soulmates so much it makes me depressed that no one in the world will ever have that as much as you do.’’

Kyle stopped crying, was staring at Kenny in wonder, his face very red, while Stan hugged himself around Kyle, scowling. They were perfect idiots, completely oblivious that they’re currently feeling each other up while they both stare at Kenny in both surprise and disgust. Kenny was about to point that out, a last desperate attempt to convince their stubborn asses that even subconsciously, they’re obsessed with each other. Before he could say anything, the bus finally arrived and paused their conversation. 

They all piled onto the bus, the three of them silent, only Cartman going on again about something no one cared about. They all just tuned him out. Stan led Kyle into the booth, like a fucking escort, and Kyle accepted, ignoring Kenny when he slid in the row in front of them. He wasn’t finished with them yet.

‘’Kyle’’ Kenny said softly, sitting up and turning around to face them from his seat when the bus started moving. ‘’Can you tell me what happened last night that you keep going on about.’’

Stan glared at Kenny, but Kyle looked resigned, which was why Kenny decided to try asking him instead of Stan, who was obviously not going to talk without biting Kenny’s head off. Stan would probably only socialise with Kyle today. People thought Wendy was possessive of Stan, but Stan does the same thing with Kyle, only difference is how receptive Kyle is to his protectiveness. Also, the mass confusion people have when they try to figure out why. Closeted homosexuals were the only answer people had for their clingy behaviour, and that’s still the case after all these years. Kenny expected them to dial it down to avoid suspicion when they got older, so he was quietly proud that they turned it up a notch instead. They still have sleepovers for Christ sake, and Kenny has been too scared to ask if they share a bed still like they did when they were kids. He has a strong suspicion that they do.

‘’My mom wanted to explain safe sex for Stan and me’’ Kyle said.

‘’Oh’’ Kenny said. So that makes more sense, they’re still testy about their proposed gayness from the probable shitstorm Kyle had with his mother about sex. Still, why would they care that much if it wasn’t bugging them, if they weren’t guilty of it?

‘’Yeah so it would be appreciated if you back the fuck off about it from now on, since we are now copping it even from our parents.’’ Stan said, giving Kenny icy daggers. Damn, he was pissed off, and it only secured the truth in Kenny’s mind, that Stan was guilty and turning his guilt into anger. Plus, he was protective of Kyle on a good day. Days that Kyle cries, Stan turns into a rabid wolf, devouring anyone who dare make fun of him. That would be Kenny if he kept harassing truths out of Kyle, so he left it at that and turned back to his seat. 

They were silent the rest of the way to school, and Stan led Kyle away from Kenny when they got to the front gates. Kenny sighed, accepting that he’d probably be spending the day with Cartman, maybe Butters if he was lucky. He scouted for the small blond, finding him chirping along with a group of others from their class. Kenny let himself get on eyeful at Butters, still in his signature teal turtleneck, looking ecstatic to be alive, as usual. Butters turned and saw Kenny, waving and smiling, beckoning him to come over. Kenny did, and slid his arms around Butters neck in response to Butters greeting. He wasn’t like Stan and Kyle; he took exactly what he wanted when he wanted it. And right now, he wanted butters, and wasn’t going to wait 17 years of not-so-platonic hints to do it. 

‘’Well hey there Ken!’’ Butters chirped, snuggling into his embrace after the initial happy surprise.

‘’Hey baby. You want to go somewhere and have sex?’’ Kenny casually offered, watching in glee as Butters turned pink with embarrassment.

‘’Goddammit you fags. Keep this shit to yourselves for once.’’ Cartman groaned, vacating the area as soon and possible.

‘’Aww gee Kenny, that sounds awful swell, but we’ve got class in a few minutes, don’t we?’’ Butters said, looking awfully concerned. Kenny knew Butters was genuinely concerned about class and missing it, and it made him all the cuter. The others followed Cartman’s lead after this and left them alone, getting out of earshot. Kenny didn’t give a shit whether they heard or not, that’s why he was so blunt all the time. Plus, it was fun seeing Butters blush.

‘’A few minutes huh? I can think of many things to do in that time.’’ Kenny gave him example, kissing Butters neck and teasing a line with his tongue up to his jaw. Butters blushed and whimpered, making Kenny even more determined to tease little noises out of him. 

‘’K-Kenny!’’ Butters stammered.

‘’Hmm?’’ Kenny hummed, distracted with licking his ear.

‘’Find a janitors closet.’’ Butters urged him, making Kenny grin and coax him away from the open to the nearest unlocked closet in the hallway.


	7. Chapter 7

Stan and Kyle had escaped the bus as soon as they could, away from Kenny and his theories. Crackpot theories according to Stan, but Kyle felt extremely guilty, because in his head they were everything that Kenny pointed them out to be. It was shocking, at the least, to suddenly get an earful of angry, demanding accusations from the usually light-hearted and fun-loving Kenny, and about their relationship. Kyle could confidently say that their biggest supporter from day one was Kenny, who only joked about homosexuality in good fashion, usually having a go at his own sexual orientation. The guy was dating Butters, for fucks sake, so he had weird experience, but experience none the less, with it. 

Kenny was probably the only person Kyle would talk to if he wanted to reveal his ever-growing attraction to Stan, to figure out a way to tell him. He refused to call it love, because in his experience the only way to combat it would be to break up, which was the opposite of what he really wanted. What he really wanted, in a perfect world, would be everlasting love and happiness with Stan, conveniently forgetting Tool-shed’s existence and Kyle’s involvement with him. He didn’t believe you could be in love with two people at once, so either he wasn’t in love with Stan, it was just a passing hormonal attraction, or the more terrifying alternative, that he wasn’t in love with Tool-shed. He pushed the thought out his mind as soon as he thought it, refusing to believe that reality to be true. 

Kyle was really hurt when Stan released him after Kenny accused them of feeling each other up. He wasn’t upset that Stan didn’t want to prove Kenny right, more so that he was convincing himself that Stan might like him, and when he removed his arm, that small hope was crushed like the fragile thing it was. He didn’t anticipate he would lose it and start crying so quickly, but honestly, in hindsight, he saw it coming. He hadn’t released all his grief on Stan’s shoulder the night before, he was still holding back the strongest and most terrifying truth, and it was tearing him apart inside. It finally burst this morning when Stan put proving their innocence above making Kyle feel better, which proved to Kyle what he’d never truly accepted; Stan wasn’t interested. 

If he wasn’t feeling so vulnerable right now, he’d have told Stan to fuck off so he can be alone and think about what happened, but Stan’s determined leadership so far acted as a calming tonic to Kyle’s growing hysterics and paranoia that everyone thought they were gay and fucking each other. Stan kept him tucked away safely under his arm the rest of the morning, as they walked through the halls to class. Some people were staring, and it made Kyle jumpy, but Stan wouldn’t release him when he tried to move away.

‘’Stan, people are staring’’ Kyle pathetically whispered, trying to wiggle away. Stan wouldn’t budge.

‘’So? Fuck ‘em. You need to know that I’m not breaking my word.’’ Stan strongly assured him.

‘’But Stan! We’re just proving Kenny right. You don’t have to do this. I’m fine.’’ Kyle pleaded, trying to keep his gaze away from others as they crossed the halls.

‘’No! I’m sorry you were hurt this morning, and I’m sorry Kenny was an asshole, but I need to show you that I care about you. I’m not making you deal with this shit yourself. We are in this together.’’ Stan said, cuddling Kyle closer.

‘’Stan, Kenny was being an asshole, but he was right. People who aren’t us think we’re fucking, and the way we are acting right now would just prove them right in their minds. I think we do just need to spend time apart- at least until it dies down’’ Kyle hated the words that came out of his mouth, but he was right, this wasn’t going away if they stayed so affectionate like they were right now. Kyle pulled away from Stan and stepped back, wanting confirmation for this plan. Stan looked devastated.

‘’Kyle, I’m sorry. I still believe what we agreed last night, I just panicked before, when Kenny said those things. I was shocked. I didn’t mean to make you so upset like that.’’ Stan pleaded, trying to move to him again, Kyle backed away.

‘’So, what! This isn’t about this morning. Jesus, I don’t need you defending my honour while I’m fucking crying. I’m not a baby, I can handle my own goddamn emotions without you coddling me! This is about us becoming too affectionate for others to ignore. Face it Stan, unless we stop being so close, everyone is going to keep thinking we’re gay. I’m not prepared to spend the rest of high school being the gay kid just because you feel you need to hug me when I cry. We’ve got no choice- we can’t be super best friends anymore!’’ Kyle said, letting his anger wrap around him like armour from the reality of what he just said, which hurt too much to think about. Stan blanched, looking stricken with shock. 

‘’Kyle’’ Stan uttered, weakly after a moment of silence. ‘’Please, don’t say that. You don’t mean that!’’ Stan begged. 

‘’Well I don’t see any way around this Stan! Nobody is going to stop the accusations if we keep acting like this. I don’t need you fucking feeling me up, I can deal with my problems myself. I don’t need you to save me from everything. I can fucking cry my eyes out if I want to, I don’t need you holding me like I’ll shatter.’’ 

‘’I- I didn’t only comfort you because you needed it’’ Stan said quietly, looking away from Kyle’s angry gaze. ‘’I needed it, I wanted to hug you, embrace you, even- ‘’ Stan paused, flushing. He cleared his throat ‘’I just can’t imagine not being your best friend, not a normal best friend, but your super best friend, with hugging, and sleepovers, and- everything. I don’t care what the others think about it, I thought you didn’t either. I- I’m sorry, I’ll stop being so physical, I’ll do anything. But I can’t live without you as my super best friend. I can’t, Kyle- I…’’ Stan broke off, holding his face as tears fell and he his hitched his breath to control the soft jerks that overtook his body. 

‘’Stan!’’ Kyle immediately rushed to Stan and hugged him, immediately losing his resolve. Kyle cradled him as Stan cried into his shoulder.

‘’Please Kyle, don’t leave me. I can’t live without you’’ Stan sobbed, as Kyle shushed him, soothing him by rubbing his shoulder and lower back. 

It broke his armour; the one thing Kyle knew he could never protect himself against was Stan crying. It made him feel powerless, useless to help Stan like Stan could whenever Kyle was upset. It wasn’t a like simple debate, where Kyle could confidently know all circumstances of an argument and pone the competition, confident in all respects to lead and know protocols. This was untrained territory, something Kyle couldn’t prepare for, and he was left pathetically shushing Stan and rubbing his back. He squeezed himself onto Stan tightly, invading his personal space to pathetically prove to Stan that he did love cuddling him, loved their weird super best friends language, and he didn’t want it to stop. He was just scared, nervous that whatever they’d been doing for so long would suddenly have to change, and them with it. He didn’t want his relationship with Stan to change, so he thought if they set out the boundaries themselves, maybe they could stay close in other ways without suddenly feeling like everyone else was setting out the rules of their relationship without looking gay. They might stop them from having sleepovers, which was a death sentence for Kyle, who couldn’t sleep most nights without Stan in the same bed as him. He stayed up weekdays, reading and doing extra credit work. It was the weekend Kyle looked forward to more than anything, because he could finally sleep when he had his sleepover with Stan. He enjoyed sleeping with Stan more than having sex with Tool-shed, which was saying something considering his desperate horniness come civil wars. They weren’t allowed to fuck now anyway, according to Mysterion, or fucking Kenny to be precise. Hypocritical it seemed, considering the depraved slut Kenny tended to be most days.

Kyle was pathetically trying to comfort Stan, awkwardly squeeze the life out of him, and fail to wipe the waterfall of tears from Stan’s face all at once. Stan whimpered against Kyle’s shirt, and Kyle was eternally grateful no one was around to bear witness to this frankly gay exchange between the two proclaimed ‘gay lovers’ of the school. He hated everyone now, for not having anything better to do than destroy their perfect friendship, and for making him question everything he’d grown up to know. Did he love Stan? Or was it just his brain sliding the rumours into bizarre literal perspective. He didn’t know which one to hope for, which made him angry, because fuck everyone who’s ever given them a hard time about something that is actually very stressful for a lot of people figuring themselves out. Him, it seemed, was one of those people. 

He pushed his angry confusion to the back of his mind. He was in platonic, comforting friend mode. That called for all of Kyle’s own needs to be pushed to the side in favour of helping Stan. Comforting friend mode usually came out when Stan had a particularly rough patch with Wendy, which now that Kyle considered it hadn’t happened since 4th grade, when Kyle finally punched Wendy in the face, too upset about Stan’s depressed, resigned face to care that he was breaking his own rules: do not act out of impulse while in comforting friend mode. He amended his wrong by taking special care of Stan afterwards, calming him down and assuring him that Wendy was irrelevant from now on as long as he had anything to do with it. Now that he considered it, Stan hadn’t needed Kyle to take care of him ever since, and comforting friend mode had remained stored away, vaguely ready to use again when the time came. Up until now, he hadn’t needed it. No wonder he felt so awkward; he was years out of practise.

He tried his best anyway, trying to think of a small gesture to assure Stan that they could still be close, but not too affectionate to resemble any latent homosexual advances. Nothing came to mind, so he stuck with holding on tight, cradling Stan as he wiped the last of his tears onto Kyle’s jacket. Kyle petted him and shushed him, feeling like a creepy old man petting his dog. Stan seemed to react positively, so he didn’t dwell on how they must look. Class had started, and they were still out in a deserted corner of the hall, so far undetected by any teachers. Stan had stopped crying, but he was clinging tightly onto Kyle, now squeezing even harder than Kyle was.

‘’Ouch’’ Kyle said, his ribs starting to hurt from the death grip Stan now had on him.

‘’Sorry’’ Stan said, small and sad, somewhat loosening his grip.

‘’It’s okay Stan.’’ Kyle assured him, cuddling tighter to amend it. ‘’I like it when you hug me until I pop. It’s only those hypocritical assholes who don’t. I’m sorry about all of this, it’s just fucking my brain too much; I feel warped. That isn’t your fault- Jesus you’ve been perfect and level- headed, I’m the one being a hysterical bitch. I’m so sorry Stan. I love you.’’ Kyle didn’t mean to blurt that last part, but Stan was known to take that phrase as a platonic form of affection, so he hoped that it wasn’t taken out of context. Stan seemed indifferent, and Kyle let out a breath of relief.

‘’I love you too Kyle. I just hate that everyone else seems to control us, and everything we do nowadays, and when we do this stuff, we usually do it suddenly seems awkward- like we are doing something we shouldn’t. Kenny just set the truth of what everyone thought out there, and honestly, I’m glad that he did. If we really are super best friends, we should be allowed to do whatever the fuck we want and fuck all those assholes and their insignificant opinions. Let them wallow in the miserable fact that they’ll never have someone like you in their life like I do.’’

‘’I know Stan, Jesus, you’re so right. God- I just, I’m so sorry. I’m supposed to be making this better, in the end it’ll affect you more than it ever will for me. Jesus, you’re the one who’ll be dissed in football for this, I’ve got nothing to complain about. Just- tell me what you need, I want to help you- but fuck! I haven’t had to do this for years, I’m so out of practise. Should I keep holding you- is it alright? Should I um-’’

‘’For fucks sake Kyle! You just went on about how you can cry if you want, so let me do the same. You don’t have to make me feel better. That’s my job. I’m the one who gets to comfort you when you’re upset- no one else. They don’t know you like I do, and they never will.’’

‘’You’re so possessive’’ Kyle stated, hugging Stan closer so Stan wouldn’t take that the wrong way. Kyle loved it when Stan was protective of him, it made him feel like everyone in the room wanted him, but Stan wouldn’t let them, he selfishly hoarded Kyle for himself. And Kyle was okay with that. ‘’I need to take care of you too sometimes. What kind of SBF would I be, if you couldn’t cry on my shoulder from time to time? God knows I do it too you enough.’’ 

‘’You’re too hard on yourself Kyle. We’re out of this shitty school, and this redneck town in a few months, anyway, so these assholes won’t matter anymore. They don’t even have to matter now.’’ Kyle sighed, he knew Stan was right, if they could just hold on for a little longer, everything would be fine. But then what? Were they even going to the same college?

‘’That reminds me- what about college? We haven’t even talked about it yet.’’

‘’Surely the obsessive-compulsive Kyle Broflovski has figured out his agenda for college. He must have been planning since junior year. I still don’t have a plan.’’ Stan said.  
‘’I don’t either!’’ Kyle grinned, though he shouldn’t be. This has been stressing him out for over a year, and it’s serious, and he should be pulling his own hair out with the fact that for the first time in his life, he does not have a plan. He doesn’t even entirely know why. He has a suspicion though; it’s Tool-shed. Kyle doesn’t want to leave him, but he doesn’t want to have to reveal his identity in order to see Shed in college, maybe live together. He’ll probably end up making last minute plans to dorm with Stan in Denver or something. Something low-key, punishment for not meticulously organising every detail like everything else in his life, for not planning on going somewhere like New York, like his parents always talked about. When he thinks about it, he doesn’t know what he really wants, it just sounds easier to follow everyone else’s plans for him, since their more organised than his are right now.

‘’Are you kidding me? Why haven’t you?’’ Stan asked.

‘’I don’t really know. I’ve been so busy this year that I haven’t even been able to research colleges. There’s also the whole boyfriend thing.’’ 

‘’Oh no, what’s your molester done now?’’ Stan asked.

‘’You don’t even know that’s he’s done anything to begin with.’’ Kyle smiled. It was cute that Stan still managed to be jealous about Tool-shed. ‘’It’s just a complicated issue that they haven’t made up their mind, and we don’t know if we are gonna live together, or where we’re gonna go. The topic has stayed undiscussed.’’ Stan was silent for a moment, eyeing Kyle with scrutiny. ‘’Again, I am baffled as to how our situations can be so similar. It’s the same for my guy.’’ 

He’s not Tool-shed, get that the fuck out of your mind.

‘’I have trouble believing that you haven’t made this whole story up Stan. It just feels like too much of a coincidence for it to be true. Trust me, my situation is unique’’   
‘’Asshole, mine’s the same. You don’t even know what going on with mine.’’ 

‘’Oh yeah, tell me one thing that’s different’’ Stan apparently had to think about this. ‘’Uh, our relationship is kept secret for a bigger reason than ourselves.’’ 

‘’Try again Mr righteous, ours is too.’’ Stan scowled at Kyle, studying him for if that was true. Kyle didn’t falter. ‘’Ok, um, we’ve known each other for 7 years.’’ 

‘’Uh huh, keep going’’ Kyle said, bored. 

‘’What! That’s true for you too?’’ Stan exclaimed. 

Kyle nodded, motioning him to continue. Internally, he was panicking, thinking the worst. He tried not to let it show. 

‘’We’ve been dating for 3 years’’ ‘’Us too’’ Kyle said, approaching annoyance. 

‘’Mysterion knows about us’’ Stan rushed out. This stumped Kyle, but not because he didn’t have that in common. ‘’Kenny? He knows? What the fuck was the performance this morning about if he knows your dating someone? This is just some big joke!’’ Kyle yelled. The fact that Mysterion as Kenny knew about Stan, was too closely linked to Kite to feel comfortable. He didn’t want to rush to any conclusions, that Stan was dating a superhero. Or more worryingly, him. ‘’So, do you have that in common with me too?’’ Stan asked.  
Kyle didn’t get to answer, because out in the halls, Mr Mackey approached the boys standing unnoticed in a corner of the hall. ‘’Boys, class has begun already, m’kay. What are you doing out in the halls? You need go to class now.’’ 

‘’Uh sorry, Mr Mackey. Stan’s having a breakdown. I had to comfort him, lest he get worse and start crying’’ Stan elbowed him, and Kyle nudged him back, telling him to just go along with it. 

‘’Well m’kay. You boys need to go to class now though. And Stan? If you’re having a breakdown, you can come and talk to me, your councillor, whenever you feel bad. Because breakdown’s are bad, m’kay, and you can’t disrupt your friends learning to deal with it. M’kay? Now go to class, boys’’ Mr Mackey said. 

‘’Yes, Mr Mackey, thank you. Sorry for disrupting your precious learning Kyle.’’ Stan said sarcastically, and Kyle elbowed him again, smirking. ‘’Alright then’’ Mr Mackey said, apparently missing that, and walking away from them. 

‘’Shit dude, why’d you throw me under the bus?’’ Stan asked.

‘’I didn’t exactly ‘throw you under’, the breakdown thing was partly true, plus I am missing class now, so we should go.’’ 

‘’Fine, but I’m not going to counselling’’ 

‘’Yeah well, I could be your councillor if you need it, just tell me when you’re having a breakdown, not Mr Mackey. He’s useless anyway. He’d probably just diagnose you with Asperger’s’’ 

‘’Whatever dude’’ Stan said, but he smiled, as if approving the idea. ‘’You’re basically my councillor anyway right now.’’ 

‘’Fair enough, now let’s go.’’ Kyle said, pushing Stan forward towards their first class of the day.

The rest of the day was spent slacking off, giggling to each other in their seats in class, and pointedly avoiding Kenny. They ended up using Stan’s ‘breakdown’ as an excuse to talk during class, Kyle explaining to their teachers that Stan was emotionally fragile, and the least Kyle could do is make him feel better in class, so they can still do work and avoid having to go outside in the halls to deal with his growing ‘hysteria and depression’. It worked a treat, and they privately revelled in the joke when the teachers backs were turned. Kenny glanced at them a few times, and Kyle panicked and looked away whenever he caught his eyes. Stan was more bitter about it, giving Kenny dirty looks instead. Half-way through the day, Butters approached them at lunch, kind of mildly, and Kyle immediately suspected ulterior motives. The guy was basically Kenny’s lapdog, and he wouldn’t object to trying to ‘fix’ their relationship anyway, claiming to want everyone to be as happy as him and Kenny. Kyle glared as Butters came up to them at break, looking down innocently, and deviously at the same time, giving away his mission. 

‘’Hey fellas’’ Butters said, nervous and vanilla. 

‘’What do you want Butters?’’ Stan asked, bored. They were sitting at a different table, alone, from their usual one with Kenny, Cartman, Butters and occasionally some of Craig’s gang. Butters sat down across from Stan and Kyle and glanced up nervously at them.

‘’Well I was just talkin’ with Kenny, and he was going on about what happened this morning at the bus stop, and how you fellas got into a fight.’’ 

‘’Kenny told you?’’ Kyle asked, his opinion of Kenny deteriorating. Who else was he going and telling something that was private and none of their goddamn business? 

‘’Well sure!’’ Butters chirped, missing the dangerous tone Kyle adopted. ‘’Kenny talks to me about everything, kinda like you two. Well anyway, he said he felt awful sore about what happened, so he sent me over to apologise for what he said, since apparently you fellas aren’t speaking right now. He feels real bad about some things he said.’’ 

‘’Some things? He should be sorry about everything that came out of his mouth this morning’’ Stan interrupted. 

‘’Oh, I don’t know. I wasn’t there, but he seemed supportive of your relationship, I don’t think he didn’t mean the heartfelt stuff’’ Butters rebutted.

‘’The ‘heartfelt stuff’, was just anecdotes about how we should be fucking each other, just because he really wants us too, and apparently worked hard to ‘help’ us out. Yeah, no thanks, I’ll do without his apology if he isn’t apologising for being a dick’’ Kyle huffed. 

Butters surprised them both by speaking up with a much harsher tone than he started with. ‘’Now you fellas, I wasn’t there for this whole thing, but I know ungrateful people when I see ‘em. Be lucky that your friends accept you, if you’re gay, especially if ya’ll are. Heck, my parents still don’t know about Kenny, and I’m pretty sure they’ve made their stance on the subject clear anyway. So, I know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout when it comes to hiding what you are. It’s hard keeping secrets, but I wouldn’t have made it this far if my friends didn’t support me like they did. When you fellas don’t appreciate acceptance when it comes, I really ruffles my feathers. So, can you please forgive Kenny and come sit back with us, and we can move on from this frankly embarrassing fallout.’’ 

Kyle was shocked at Butters brutal honesty, something he rarely used when it came to his friends, but when Kyle deferred to Stan for his thoughts on what they should do, Stan still looked angry. 

‘’But he accused us of being gay!’’ Stan exclaimed loudly, getting the attention of some nearby students, giving him odd looks. Probably because calling someone gay at this school was such a common thing that nobody took it seriously, and someone overreacting from it just made them look like an oversensitive pussy. They didn’t understand the situation, that it looked so gay that it might be, but Kyle wasn’t about to explain that to them.

‘’Now Stan, can’t you at least accept that you guys are very close, and to us it looks very conspicuous. I’m sorry if it offends you, but honestly if you’re so bothered by the comments, you can just stop being so cuddly with each other. People ‘aint gonna stop, so you can either be proud of who you are or stop givin’ people reasons to make fun of ya. It’s simple as that. I’m gonna go now, I suggest you come and sit with us and enjoy yourselves instead of wallowing in misery by yourselves. It really gets me down to see you fellas so upset, by a few harmless comments.’’ And with that, Butters stood up and walked back over to his table, where Kenny was glancing at them, giving them a sheepish smile and a shrug. Kyle was too shocked at Butters to acknowledge or return it. He wasn’t even sure what to think now. Again, he looked to Stan for answers, but he looked just as shocked and confused. 

‘’Dude, Butters just told us off. I never thought that would happen again after he flipped out in fourth grade’’ Stan said. 

‘’Yeah’’ Kyle agreed. 

‘’Christ he’s right. It does sound selfish to whine about these comments. At least Kenny approves, and Butters too. Even my mom. She was trying to be supportive- even if she was misinformed. Fuck, I feel like crap now. We went off at Kenny for something that he’s had to hide from Butters parents and made him feel like he had to apologise. 

‘’Should we- uh, go and sit with them then. And apologise?’’ Stan asked. 

‘’I don’t know. I feel too embarrassed to go back there just yet. Like I was feeling angry for good reason before, but now it just seems childish and silly to be arguing with Kenny. It’s just dumb comments anyway’’ Kyle said, realising what they looked like to Kenny and the others all day. Two hysterical boys crying and throwing hissy fits over their alleged gayness. It did look gay, Kyle couldn’t deny that, and them cuddling the fuck out of each other all day just made them look like stupid drama queens. His face got hot thinking about what Kenny told them in the morning. He was flattered Kenny thought that about them, even if it wasn’t true- he wanted it to be. He realised he really wanted it to be true.  
‘’Fuck!’’ Kyle exclaimed, letting his head fall in between his arms. ‘’We’ve just fucked ourselves into a web here dude. I mean how could I not see that these people are right. We’ve been so fucking gay lately, it’s impossible not to assume somethings up’’ 

‘’Maybe we should tell them we’re in relationships already. It might deter them if the know the truth’’ Stan suggested. 

The truth. What is the truth? That Kyle loves Stan, he wants to kiss the fuck out of him right now, put these rumours to rest and give people their little celebration, but mostly so he can put his head on Stan’s shoulders without criticism. He knew it wasn’t going to happen, he’d just have to go along with whatever Stan thought was the truth between them. He probably thought they were just showing their higher friendship off to everyone, and there are uncultured enough to think anything else. Not that Kyle was in love with him and futile attempting to hide his feelings behind this explanation. Kyle didn’t want to reveal he was dating someone, it would solidify the facts of his and Stan’s relationship, that it’s non-existent, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted people to at least stop thinking of them that way.

‘’Dude, I don’t want to reveal my relationship. It’s supposed to be secret- I wasn’t even meant to tell you’’ Kyle said.

‘’Yeah okay, I guess it’s the same for me- I just can’t think of anything else,’’ Stan said.

‘’How about this. We go back over to Kenny and apologise for being dicks to him and Butters, try and put this behind us, and just deal with the comments as they come. Maybe they’ll settle down if we stop being so defensive’’ Kyle said.

‘’And if they don’t?’’ Stan asked

‘’Like I said, we’ll deal with them as they come,’’ Kyle assured him.

‘’Alright, let’s go back over to them then’’ Stan said, standing up and grabbing his food tray, waiting for Kyle to follow. They walked back over to their usual table, Kyle looked down when he caught Kenny’s eyes, staring back humbly. He felt bad that they made Kenny lose some of his joyful attitude and intended to make it up to him some way. Maybe he could break his rules a little and do some research for him on behalf of the freedom pals. He’s sure that Kenny would appreciate it, but he just felt like such an idiot right now. Only Kenny and Butters were currently sitting at the table, and Stan and Kyle slipped into the seats opposite them. Stan coughed, averting Butters’ beaming gaze and Kenny’s sorry expression. 

‘’Um hey. We wanted to apologise for acting like dicks to you guys, I know you didn’t mean to make a big deal out of this, we kind of did it on our own,’’ Stan said. Kenny smiled a little, but his eyes lit up. 

‘’No problem my dudes, I’m glad we got over that quickly. Hey, I’m sorry too. I won’t lie and say I didn’t mean what I said, I meant every word. But- I’m sorry I just jumped you guys like that, I’m sure it was a lot to deal with first thing in the morning. Hell- I would’ve been pissed off if someone attacked me with some big speech when I just woke up. So yeah- we good?’’ 

‘’Yeah’’ Stan smiled. Kenny looked at Kyle, who was quiet and subdued. ‘’Hey, you okay Kyle?’’ 

‘’What?’’ Kyle startled ‘’Yeah, of course. Just warn us next time you fucker. We’re not stopping you from talking about it, it just makes you one of everybody else in this town that had an opinion about us.’’ 

‘’Good, because it felt amazing getting that out in the air, and you better believe that wasn’t the end of it.’’ Kenny grinned. At least he had his usual shit-eating grin back. Butters was smiling around at everyone, no doubt ecstatic the gang was back together, minus Cartman, who was probably trying to win Wendy back somewhere Kyle couldn’t care less about. 

‘’Fellas, I can’t tell you how glad I am everyone is friends again. It gets really tense when you’re fighting’’ Butters praised, letting Kenny put his arm around his small, dainty shoulders and smiling. The guy was just radiating pure happiness, and usually it made Kyle annoyed and tense, but it was kind of contagious. Kyle smiled distractedly and watched them as they cuddled. It distantly looked like when him and Stan hugged earlier. He panicked when he realised how similar it looked, and how obvious people would think that they are like Kenny and Butters. 

‘’Hey Kenny, did Stan and I look like that before?’’ Kyle asked. He figured there was no point hiding that they knew about how cuddly they got sometimes. 

‘’Uh huh. Man, you’ve got no idea how much I’ve wanted to at least tell you you’re feeling each other up. Makes me so happy that you’ve at least acknowledged yourselves’’ Kenny beamed.

‘’Um we aren’t gay though, it was kind of just something we do, as friends’’ Stan said. 

‘’Don’t bullshit me Stan, I heard you boners talking about being in relationships on the bus the other day. You both outed yourselves.’’ Stan and Kyle widened their eyes and glanced at each other. ‘’Shit you heard that?’’ Kyle asked. 

‘’Yep, so don’t deny these things. It’s cool though, I won’t tell no one if you don’t want me too. I know you’re keeping something for me too.’’ 

‘’Hang on though- you knew we were seeing people, and you still went on this morning about us being gay for each other.’’ 

‘’Well I could see it; you guys love each other even while in relationships. Word of advice; dump those people and shack up with each other. You both want to, and you’ll make me and yourselves so happy.’’

‘’Goddammit, you’re not going to dial this down at all are you?’’ Kyle muttered. Kenny grinned and nodded, tugging Butters closer. They finished up their lunches and the bell rang, signalling their next class. Before they could go to class, Stan pulled Kenny aside as they exited the cafeteria. Kyle asked what they were doing. 

‘’I just got to talk to Kenny about something. I won’t be a second.’’ Stan assured him.

‘’Don’t worry Kyle, I won’t molest Stan, unless you’d be into that?’’ Kenny said.

‘’Sick dude’’ Kyle muttered, walking back in the direction of class.

‘’So, what’s up?’’ Kenny asked, putting his hands in his pockets and smiling at Stan. ‘’I need you to send a message to Kyle for me’’ He said. This was it; Stan was going to follow through and do this. 

‘’You want me to pass a love note to Kyle for you? I think he’d be more receptive if you did it yourself’’ Kenny chuckled.

‘’No dumbass, Kyle knows how to contact Human Kite. Kyle doesn’t know I’m Tool-shed, but he knows you’re Mysterion, and that they’re on the same team. Right now, it’s the only way I can contact him as Tool-shed’’ 

Kenny groaned ‘’I’m still fucking outraged your humping Kite. What the hell- you barely know him. Why not Kyle?’’ 

‘’Jesus Christ not this again. It was bad enough that you brought up Kyle to Kite. Now he thinks we’re having a secret affair.’’

‘’Hey, I needed time to process, I still do. Not my fault you guys created a beautiful love story together only to rip it to pieces for a fucking coon and friend. What the fuck!’’ Kenny exclaimed. 

‘’Please Kenny, can you just tell Kyle that Tool-shed needs to speak to Human Kite at the back of the school at four. Please, I need to talk to him’’ Stan pleaded.

‘’Yeah, I’ll bet you do. Ugh, fine. I’ll go talk to him now’’ Kenny sighed.

‘’Thank you so much dude, seriously.’’ 

‘’Yeah, yeah, you better fucking follow my orders for civil wars. I will hunt you down if I even see a coy smirk.’’ Kenny threatened, narrowing his eyes. Stan nodded and watched as Kenny walked away, towards where Kyle had wandered to class. Stan followed.


	8. Chapter 8

Kyle had sat in the middle of the classroom, waiting for Stan and Kenny to arrive from the apparently secret discussion they had. He was hoping Stan hadn’t wanted to talk to Kenny about them, and the drama that had played out throughout the day. It was history class, taught by someone surprisingly laid back, so the classroom filled with inane chatter and noise. Kyle didn’t mind, sure he like to concentrate on work, but that’s what he used as subject matter in the middle of the night, when he couldn’t sleep. This was the time of day he got to see Stan, but Stan still hadn’t arrived. He finally came through the door with Kenny, unacknowledged by the teacher, who was reading on his desk, oblivious to the class. Kyle smiled and nodded to a spare seat next to him, but Kenny took it before Stan could sit down. Stan just wandered to the back of the class, sitting where Kenny usually sat. Kyle huffed and glared at Kenny, who grinned at him. 

‘’Oh sorry, I hope you don’t mind me sitting here today. I know this is usually reserved for Stan’’ 

‘’Whatever’’ Not whatever! How dare you Kenny! ‘’What do you want’’ Kyle asked, acting casual, when he was hurt Stan ditched him without much argument.

‘’I’m hurt Kyle, I just wanted to talk to you. Can’t your pal Kenny just sit next to one of his best friends because he enjoys his company?’’ Kenny pouted.

‘’You always sit up the back of the class, what do you want from me that would require you to take Stan’s seat?’’ Kyle asked, vaguely irritated. 

‘’Well if you must know. You know Kite yeah?’’ Kenny asked.

‘’What’s that got to do with anything?’’

‘’So, you can contact him?’’ Kenny queried.

‘’What’s this for- you want to start another war and you can’t shit on Coon’s doorstep? That’d do the trick’’ Kyle said. 

‘’No, as it happens, I apparently owe a teammate of mine a favour, you might be interested in helping me.’’ 

‘’What’s kite got to do with anything, if it’s one of the freedom pals’’ 

‘’Oh nothing, just Tool-shed wants to talk to him.’’ Kyle quickly turned to Kenny, confused. ‘’Yeah, I thought that’d get your wheels turning.’’ Kenny chuckled at Kyle’s blushing face. He ignored Kenny’s taunting, more interested in the fact that Tool-shed wanted to talk. It was unlike him to transfer a message this way. But to be honest, they usually found each other on accident, or if Kite was scouting from the air and saw him. 

‘’So, you want me to contact Kite about a message from Tool-shed. What does he want?’’ 

‘’He wants to meet Kite at the back of the school after class. You can transfer the message in time I hope’’ Kenny said  
.  
‘’Yeah, I can do that. You aren’t going to snoop on them, are you? Since you know where they’ll be’’ Kyle asked, suspicious based on his earlier disgust of their relationship.  
‘’Fuck no, I don’t need to see my teammate and enemy making out. Fuck that noise’’ Kenny said

Kyle acknowledged that as the truth and turned back to his work, tuning Kenny out for the rest of the lesson. He couldn’t completely focus on the work though, more excited and curious about meeting with Tool-shed after class. He was relieved he remembered to pack his costume just in case. He didn’t forget the feud he was currently having with Tool-shed regarding Stan though. He wasn’t sure if that was going to resume or not, but the thing with Stan today had thrown him so much that he felt too exhausted to bother starting the argument up again. He really wanted to see Tool-shed, get lost in his eyes, and remind himself that he loves Tool-shed, and Stan is just distracting him right now, nothing deeper at work. He knew that wasn’t true though.

The bell finally rang, and class ended, everyone bustled out the door, ready to get out of this hellhole called school for the day. Kyle wasn’t in a hurry to meet Tool-shed, he had to wait until everyone left so he could change into his disguise. Stan met him at the door and smiled, hoisting his blue broncos bag over his shoulder. ‘’Sorry I couldn’t sit next to you. Kenny apparently needed to talk’’ Stan said.

‘’Yeah, that’s cool. It was just one class anyway’’ Kyle said.

‘’What did he want?’’ Stan asked

‘’Oh, superhero stuff, same ol, same ol’’ Kyle shrugged, walking out the classroom. 

‘’Cool, I wish I got to do cool stuff like you. I don’t know the first thing about computers though. I’ve got to go now, so I’ll see you later’’ Stan said, waving Kyle goodbye and jogging away from sight. Kyle would be more pissed off that Stan just up and left without an explanation if he didn’t need to be somewhere himself. Kyle made sure there were no onlookers when he hopped into an open janitor closet and changed into his Human Kite costume, summoning his Kite to appear on his back. He snuck out of the closet and proceeded towards the back of the school.

Human Kite arrived before Tool-shed and stood pondering out the back of the school what was so important, they had to change usual meeting places at their secret hideout. He heard a familiar noise of power drills and turned to see Tool-shed, giving him a nice superhero pose. 

‘’Human Kite, what brings you here- I thought the fact that you can’t defeat me in battle would’ve been drilled into your head by now.’’ 

Kite scowled at Tool-shed. ‘’Fuck you, what do you want?’’ Tool-shed laughed ‘’Can’t I use a perfectly good tool pun on my boyfriend?’’ Kite stomped up to Tool-shed grumbling, ‘’I hate your stupid-ass puns.’’ 

‘’You love ‘em,’’ Tool-shed countered.

Kite gave a tired expression, saying ‘’You know I do’’ before he smiled, looking up at Tool-shed and kissed him. Shed wrapped his arms around Kite’s waist, returning the kiss and grinning. 

‘’So, what did you want to talk about that couldn’t have been said at the hideout.’’ Kite asked. 

‘’Actually, that’s where we’re going right now’’ Tool-shed responded. 

‘’What? Why tell me to come here then?’’ Kite asked, frowning in confusion.

Tool-shed said ‘’Oh- I just wanted to see you in a school environment, to see if I recognise you. So far nothing rings a bell.’’ 

‘’Why do you think you can get my secret identity so easily- what if I recognise you and just haven’t told you about it hmm?’’ Kite joked, though Tool-shed looked very serious.  
‘’I’m pretty sure you haven’t figured out who I am either,’’ Tool-shed said, thinking back to the other night where Kite freaked out and flew away from Stan’s room when Stan flirted too hard. 

‘’Well we’d better get out of here, so we don’t get bombarded with fans all afternoon. This is a high school after all’’ Kite said. 

Shed latched onto Kite’s waist with his tape and they ascended to the warehouse district where the abandoned storage unit they found that very memorable day their feelings became established. They landed down into their main room, that fashioned a few spare lounges they found and made themselves comfortable on one of them. 

‘’Alright Shed, what’s this about- your acting very serious, a worrying trait for you’’ 

Tool-shed pondered whether he should even do it, reveal himself, or just do what they usually do. It seemed like the kind of thing that could get dramatic if he let it, and he really didn’t want to end this exhausting day with a fight. It did sound more appealing to end it with sex, but he was sick of postponing this issue because neither them wanted to potentially spoil this thing they had. College was right around the corner, and Kyle made him panic about it today, he was thinking about what he’s going to do all day. He decided to follow through, maybe start in lightly with something he knew might make the initial shock easier on Kite. 

‘’I heard you hang out with Stan Marsh sometimes.’’ 

Kite looked at Tool-shed in surprise- suddenly worried he knew who he was. 

‘’Yeah, we’ve hung out like once. He was shy that day in town against Chaos, so I thought I’d help him out- how better to handle it than having to talk to a superhero. Why do you care? You know him?’’ 

‘’I know him in a sense. Anyway, I don’t know, you seem close to him. Do you like him more than friends?’’ Tool-shed awkwardly asked.

Kite stared at Shed like he just shot him.

‘’What the hell do you mean more than friends, of course not. What kind of question even is that to ask your boyfriend?’’ 

Shed felt very accused now. Maybe he approached this the wrong way.

‘’I didn’t want to string you along if you like someone else that’s all. Look I’m sorry it was a stupid question. If you like him you can go after him- that’s all I’m trying to say’’ Tool-shed sheepishly insisted, suddenly feeling jealous of himself as Stan and a little heavy at his chest. This was really happening.

Human Kite stood in shock, before a look of disgust was directed at Tool-shed.

‘’Are you fucking serious right now? Are we still on this? For god sake I’m not interested in Stan. Don’t want to string me along. Is that what you think this relationship is- me waiting for someone better to come along. I love you- not him. His flirtations have always been shut down. They never meant anything anyway- not like yours. He hasn’t been inside me, he hasn’t showed me any love- only you, my heart is yours. You don’t even trust me!’’ 

Kite started to get worked up- his facing huffing red in anger, while Tool-shed looked like he was going to cry. 

‘’Why does Stan even matter? Don’t you realise he doesn’t matter to me like you do?’’ Kite asked more softly- suddenly aware of Shed’s hurt expression but still offended.   
Tool-shed felt betrayed by himself for believing that love would recognise Stan with or without his alter-ego- that Kite would recognise him and love him for himself, not Tool-shed. Tool-shed suddenly felt tears forming in his eyes and decided to let his anger and fear do the talking. What the fuck has Kite done for him lately anyway.

‘’It matters because I AM STAN!’’ Tool-shed shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. 

Human Kite paled. 

‘’Stan is my secret identity, and you just told me that you don’t love me- without the costume, without the powers, even without the fake confidence. You love my character- not me. That’s good- great. I’m glad I know where your heart is after everything!’’ 

Silence followed for a painful few seconds as Human Kite stared in disbelief and shock as he quietly stuttered ‘’You- your Stan? Y-you’ve been S-Stan all along?’’ still comprehending the fact that he exposed himself. 

Shed let tears fall from his face. ‘’I wanted you to know at some point- but I thought it might work out better if you figured out yourself. That’s why I would flirt as Stan- to give you hints. I guess it did help in a way. I know who you do love now. Fuck love, because it’s obviously a lie. If not, then you’ve been loving the disguise more than the person who wears it’’ Shed pulled his yellow safety goggles off, throwing them on the couch beside the very quiet and shocked Human Kite.

He stumbled back and faced Kite, exposing the face Human Kite had known as his best friend’s for nearly 18 years. 

‘’Goodbye Kite’’ 

Tool-shed walked out- sniffling as he grappled his measuring tape toward a nearby building and lifted away.


	9. Chapter 9

Human Kite stood in the room, pale as a sheet, shaking. Kite immediately gripped the dark yellow goggles and clutched them against his chest as though they were the only thing that made sense, and in a way, the only thing that didn’t. 

OH MY GOD, its stan, tool-shed is stan! He gave away his secret identity- but that means I’m stan’s boyfriend. Oh my god, Stan has been inside me. Stan has kissed me!

He quickly paced the room trying to understand the complications in this situation. Wait, stan doesn’t know my secret identity yet. The fact that I’m his best friend Kyle- he would flip out; he wouldn’t love me if he knew- I can’t let him know. Human Kite continued to hyperventilate as he thought of the events of that day before realising that Stan broke up with him. 

A sudden crushing feeling entered his chest, knowing this meant that the only person he’d ever loved had left him. He sunk to the floor and cried small, pathetic sobs, curling into a ball- still clutching Stan’s goggles like his life depended on it, which in his case it had, before his life that revolved around Tool-shed had been stripped away and he no longer had a purpose. 

After about an hour of subdued little sobs and full hysterics, he somewhat calmed down- at least enough to go home and sleep off the terrible turn of events from this afternoon.   
Kite changed out of his costume before going into his house, back into his school clothes as he stumbled up the stairs somewhat drunkenly, face vacant and tear-stained. He was beyond relieved no one bothered him before he could get the safe cavern of sleep and forget this horrible day, hopefully never wake up. He immediately collapsed into his bed and fell asleep- willing the events to have been some elaborate dream. In his head he knew though, the love of his life was gone, and there was nothing he could do.

By morning he woke up to a thud on his floor- only it wasn’t morning, just very late at night and he was still holding the goggles. He turned over in bed to see a shadow staring down at him from his bed. A familiar shadow. Stan. 

Even in his groggy, half-awake state he managed to shriek in surprise- hiding the goggles under the pillow as he watched Stan go over to him to shut him up in his bed.   
‘’Dude calm down, it’s just me’’ Stan quietly hissed, now sitting up on the bed. 

‘’W-what are you doing here?’’ Kyle asked, now very confused considering he broke up with him only a few hours prior. Stale hope ignited in his chest when he thought maybe he didn’t want to end things after all, and that hope was brutally squashed when he realised Stan was the only one who revealed their identity tonight, he didn’t know about Kyle’s double life.

‘’Sorry dude- I just had to talk to someone about this- I trust you more than anyone to keep it a secret.’’ Stan said, before going silent and choking up a bit.

‘’We broke up’’ he quietly stated before turning to Kyle and sobbing into his shoulder. 

Kyle sighed and held Stan as he cried. Kyle, Stan’s best friend, nothing more, nothing less. He instinctively went into comforting friend mode- a thing he’s had to do with Stan for years during his ‘Wendy’ phase in childhood. Those memories were vague, wilfully supressed, but they ignited a flickering hope in Kyle’s chest every time that he chose to ignore for Stan’s sake at the time. 

‘’Hey- it’s okay. It’s okay Stan. I’m here for you, uh, tell me what happened. Here.’’

He handed Stan a box of tissues that sat by his bedtable, gently rubbing his back as he watched stan grab a few and blow his sniffling nose out, followed by his eyes. It was only after Stan removed the excess bodily fluids from his face that Kyle could see the full extent of his pain. Although his pinched, red face was an obvious sign of crying- his watery, sensitive eyes told Kyle everything about what Stan was feeling. Only now did Kyle let himself realise how similar his and Tool-shed’s features were- mainly their penetrating, deep blue eyes that revealed everything about their emotions all the time. Kyle was something of an expert reading Stan and Tool-shed’s emotions through their eyes, and only now let himself realise how much he was heartbroken himself- not only about breaking up but also hurting Stan- which to him was like a knife through the ribs to the heart. 

‘’Aww Dude- what happened, you look like shit’’ Kyle said- trying gear Stan into a more positive direction. Stan wearily smiled.

‘’Thanks Kyle, you always know how to criticise at a time of heartbreak’’ he sighed before continuing ‘’Well I guess it’s little complicated, but I want to tell you everything. I hated keeping it from you, it was so important at the time, but now it seems irrelevant’’ 

Kyle nodded to let Stan continue, still hugging him as his spasms calmed down. 

‘’You know how I was in a relationship with someone I couldn’t tell you about. Well that person was a superhero; The Human Kite.’’ 

Stan looked up at Kyle to see his reaction, though Kyle was calm- just concentrating on helping Stan feel better and not his own emotions that were currently shaking around his lungs like confetti. Kyle resumed petting his back. 

‘’I’m not that surprised to be honest- the way you were talking about him was pretty loving, I probably guessed at some point.’’ 

Stan looked back down with sad relief ‘’Well yeah, it was him and I broke up with him’’

This time Kyle couldn’t help feeling crushed when he said that, like he was reliving the moment. 

‘’You broke up with him? Why? What happened?’’ Kyle asked, feeling curious about Stan’s perspective. 

‘’Before I answer that I need to tell you something else that you might find more shocking. I’m Tool-shed’’ 

Kyle’s eyes widened in fake shock as he looked at Stan, who seemed too out of it to react to any extreme reactions. Kyle thought it was best to not milk it much after that. He wasn’t the best actor anyway. 

‘’Seriously? You’re the superhero Tool-shed from freedom pals? You came to my room at night disguised as him? Wait- so that’s why Kenny was glaring at you all the time when we exposed him as Mysterion.’’ 

Stan looked out into space, still dazed as he answered ‘’Yeah no one else knows about it- except you now and Kenny, I guess. It doesn’t really matter now anyway. Kite will hate me again when the two teams fight next. Just like when we were 10’’ 

Stan slumped against him and sighed. Kyle was distressed seeing his best friend think so badly of Kite. 

‘’Oh no. Don’t think that- I’m sure he cares about you, why would he go out of his way to date someone from the team they are sworn against if he doesn’t have feelings for you?’’   
Stan snorted ‘’Even if he did- he doesn’t anymore after what I told him. That’s why we broke up.’’ 

‘’What did you tell him? Kyle asked. 

Stan sighed again. He was trying to win some competition for how many times he could sigh, Kyle was sure of it. 

‘’I told him my secret identity was Stan- because before that he was hanging out with me as Stan. He was being sweet trying to help me out with my shyness towards him- but that was only because he was seeing my identity without knowing it, and it was like the happiest day of my life. I was confused as to why he paid any attention to me as Stan, because I put on an act with Tool-shed to hide my identity- so I tested him and flirted a little. Cause that’s the kind of thing Tool-shed does- he flirts a lot.’’   
Kyle couldn’t help being amused by that fact he knew all too well. 

‘’Pfft- of course your alter-ego is a flirt!’’ Kyle snorted with a smile, before Stan smiled back and continued. 

‘’Anyway, he backed off a little and kept explaining him being in a relationship and how tight it was. At the time I was really flattered- because he got carried away and was full on rambling about me as Tool-shed. I was also concerned. Tool-shed puts on a bit of an act to make his identity a little less obvious, and Kite was going on about how in love he was about that act- not me. I was right there, and he didn’t seem interested in the real me more than the get up. So later when I was being Tool-shed, I asked him about it- about if he liked Stan. Naturally he lost his cool- kept saying that he loved Tool-shed and Stan didn’t mean anything to him. Of course, he was just trying to ease my suspicions at the time- and I admit I didn’t react in the best way. But he told my face that he didn’t love Stan- and I’m Stan. That he didn’t love me for who I am. That’s when I told him who I really was and he became quiet- wouldn’t even react past shocked. I guess it’s understandable, but it still hurts like hell.’’ 

Kyle was leaning against the headboard of his bed while listening, not noticing Stan perched up against his shoulder and leaning his head toward the side of Kyle’s.   
‘’I didn’t want to cry in front of him or yell at him, so I ran off before I said anything stupider’’ 

Stan sighed and looked over to Kyle, reaching his hand up to grab one of his vibrant, red curls and watch it spring back into place. 

‘’I think you might have overreacted a bit about this’’ Kyle said looking at Stan as he distracted himself with Kyle’s hair. 

‘’Huh? What do you mean?’’ Stan asked. 

‘’I mean I don’t believe you thought this through enough. If Kite rejected you as Stan, did you ever consider that he did it because he closed himself off to anyone other than Tool-shed, who he didn’t know was you? Maybe he did have feelings for you as Stan- but he limited them to purely friendship for Tool-shed’s sake. I mean how was he to know you’re the same person? He may be a superhero but he’s not perfect.’’ 

Stan continued springing curls as he responded tiredly ‘’You’re making me and Tool-shed sound like two different people and that Kite had been cheating on one of them for the other.’’

‘’I am not! You’re the one who talked about them that way!’’ Kyle defended himself.

‘’Anyway, I don’t see much of a difference between the two of you now that I know. It’s hard to realise the similarities or accept them until they are revealed to you, you know? There was something about Tool-shed that reminded me of you, but I wrote it off as madness and willed myself not to think that way. I could see your eyes in him, and it freaked me out. It does piss me off that I couldn’t recognise you, but you’re probably used to that. It’s just uncanny how similar you were, except for the flirting I guess, but nothing other than that. You’re still the same old Stan, costume or no. And I don’t think a few cocky tool-puns can change that’’ Kyle said. 

Stan looked up at Kyle after he said this- still holding one of his curls, head still leaning against Kyle’s shoulder, then focused back on playing with his hair. 

‘’You responded better than he did, sometimes I wish it were you who was Kite instead.’’ 

Kyle went bright red, before looking back down at Stan- who had partially curled up beside him, muttering about red hair as he held Kyle’s locks in his hand. 

‘’What are you doing with my hair?’’ Kyle asked, slightly annoyed. Stan kept playing with his curls as he said ‘’They have the same colour as his eyelashes and eyebrows. Because I can’t see his hair, I always assumed it was like yours.’’

Kyle laughed nervously- wondering if Stan suspected anything, but he still looked mesmerised and slightly less miserable than before. 

‘’I wish he was you’’ he added more quietly, surprising Kyle and making him blush harder than his fiery hair. 

He wondered if he should tell Stan who he was but decided against it to save Stan the embarrassment. Or more like saving him the possible rejection twice in the same day.   
Kyle saw Stan’s sad expression like he was expecting an answer, so he said ‘’Well if he were me Stan, I’d love you both in your Tool-shed costume and as yourself. And I already do’’ 

Stan quickly looked up, curious, and asked ‘’Are you still dating that mystery person you won’t tell me about.’’

Kyle chuckled a little before answering honestly ‘’No Stan, we stopped dating- pretty recently actually, so I know how you feel.’’

‘’You seem better at handling a breakup than I do- I just cry and go goth’’ Stan said. 

Kyle laughed and Stan smiled, and Kyle said ‘’As if I’ll let you go goth this time. Anyway, I may seem like I got it together- but I don’t inside, I’m like the inverse of you.’’  
Stan looked at Kyle seriously before saying ‘’I do wish it was you though.’’

Kyle spoke before he was thinking and sighed. 

‘’Me too.’’ 

Stan looked at him, surprised, then rushed forward and connected their lips, closing the gap between them. Kyle gasped and froze as Stan held his shoulders and kissed him. They stayed connected for a few seconds, Stan’s eyes jammed closed and puckering his lips in dry twitches, Kyle motionless with wide eyes and a dumbfounded expression. Kyle kept his expression as Stan slowly pulled away looking mortified and red bleeding onto his face.

‘’Sorry, shit, sorry I didn’t, I mean- um. Kyle, I just’’ Stan rambled, panicking.

Kyle blinked and curiously licked his lips, watching Stan as he cursed and stuttered out an explanation. 

He recognised the taste of Stan as he licked his lips and paused thinking: This is Stan, this is also Tool-shed. Stan just kissed me for the first time, Tool-shed just kissed me for the millionth, they taste the same. I want to taste them again. 

Kyle dashed forward and closed the gap again on Stan’s blushing face and hungrily attacked him, demanding entry into Stan’s mouth with his tongue. He shoved his hands through Stan’s hair as they fell back down on the bed, Stan’s eyes widened for second before grabbing Kyle’s waist and kissed back. They explored each other’s mouths as their tongues clashed and lapped at each other in the hot, wet movements. Moans involuntarily escaped each other’s throats and reverberated into the others. Stan flipped Kyle over to the bottom, greedily moving his hands anyway he could before reach for his ass as he heard Kyle yelp, then moan- feeling its vibration as he attacked Kyle mouth with his own, feeling his tongue struggle for dominance. 

They released each other’s mouths for breath- looking up at each other’s lidded eyes and dishevelled hair as their tongues lapped at the exchange of saliva in the air, breathing heavily. 

‘’Dude! What!?’’ Stan gasped; his eyes still widened in shock.

‘’Dude’’ Kyle panted ‘’You don’t reveal yourself to be the sexiest motherfucker of the planet and not get a reaction from it. You think I was joking when I told you Tool-shed was a sex-god?’’ 

‘’But Kyle, this is me, not Tool-shed. He’s fake’’ Stan explained, a little sadly, as if he was anticipating another Kite related venture. 

‘’Stan, don’t you understand? You and Tool-shed, it’s just names and costumes sure, but it’s you. No amount of bad acting can change that,’’ Kyle assured him, stroking his hands through his hair. Stan pressed his forehead against Kyle’s and sighed. 

‘’What are we doing?’’ 

‘’Well I don’t know about you, but I’m about to go insane if you keep kneading my ass like that’’ Stan had been holding and massaging Kyle’s ass that entire time, like it was dough getting ready to stretch out and make into bread. 

‘’Oh sorry’’ Stan said, releasing his grip. Kyle squirmed and moaned, ‘’Ngh, don’t stop. It- feels good.’’ 

‘’Really?’’ Stan asked. 

‘’Yeah dude, can’t you tell?’’ 

Kyle rolled his hips up and nudged Stan with his growing bulge, Stan’s eyes went wide, and he looked back at Kyle, who had his eyes closed and was breathing heavily. Stan was basically straddling him sitting up while he lay there on the bed, stuck, surrendered to Stan and loving every second of it. 

‘’Dude, you were physical with Human Kite, right?’’ Kyle asked, peeking his eyes open.

‘’Yeah’’ Stan said, wondering what that had to do with anything. ‘’Show me what you did to him’’ Kyle said, rolling his hips in a rhythm now. Stan gaped at Kyle. ‘’But Kyle- he’s, and you’re…’’ Kyle interjected.

‘’Goddammit, Stan! I’m fucking sick of this. Don’t you realise I’ve had the biggest crush on you for years, and the fact that you’re the superhero that I’m fucking obsessed with is just- fuck!’’ Kyle stopped himself from revealing his identity, very convinced now that Stan couldn’t handle the truth. 

‘’Kyle…’’ Stan moaned, a little sadly, as though he was denying himself his obvious want. Kyle could feel it against his own, since Stan was basically sitting on him.   
‘’Stan, please. I’m sick of being the comforting friend. I want you. Have me.’’ 

Stan breathed, and Kyle felt the tell-tale twitch of his cock against his stomach. Stan grabbed Kyle’s shoulders, pinning him down to the bed, before coaxing his mouth open with his tongue. Kyle moaned and licked into Stan, holding his cheeks as they hummed into each other. Stan felt the heat from the kiss travel down through his body as electric sparks shot down his spine- landing in his pants as he felt his erection throb at the pleasure. He moaned and pressed down into Kyle- who sported his own bulge in his pants and flicked his hips forward again. Kyle whimpered into Stan’s mouth and arched forward trying rub against Stan’s jeans. 

Both boy’s hips were bucking uncontrollably at each other’s erections, trying to dry-hump while kissing in a dazed burst of passion. They continued to aimlessly grab at each other in the intense moment, then slowed down to controlled pace, taking turns sucking and kissing each other’s necks as the other moaned and whimpered pathetically, trying to get a reaction out of each other like it was a competition to see who could moan loader. 

‘’Fuck I’m so hard’’ Stan moaned, rubbing himself up and down Kyle. Kyle panted and nodded his head, his eyes unblinking as he reciprocated Stan’s crazed humping.   
Stan gazed into Kyle’s vivid green eyes as they caught their breath again, watching his deep, red eyelashes flutter around in a haze. Red eyelashes that looked like Human Kite’s, he thought, before pushing that person out of his mind. He loved Kyle- he had for a long time but got distracted by someone who reminded him of Kyle’s best and worst qualities. As hard as he thought about the similarities- he still couldn’t put two and two together, so he pushed it out his mind as well. All that mattered to him now was Kyle. 

‘’I love you’’ Stan breathed, as Kyle’s hot tongue danced around his neck. Kyle stopped his therapeutic suckling and pulled up to look at Stan. 

Kyle looked so fucking perfect at that moment, his red, springy curls sticking out all over his head, mouth red and wet, its corners leaking with saliva, and his enchanting green eyes that peered into Stan’s soul-wide and innocent. 

‘’Fuck, why’d Kenny have to be right? I love you, too’’ Kyle groaned.

Kyle pulled himself over to Stan’s face and held his gaze for a few serious seconds, then crushed his lips back down onto Stan’s panting mouth. Stan felt so out of his mind with love that he was sure it would explode his chest.

Kyle teased his tongue into Stan’s throat, legs splaying out either side of him as he rocked himself against Stan’s throbbing erection. Stan moaned and thrust forward into Kyle’s aching cock, earning a series of erratic twitches and complimenting whimpers as they mouthed at each other erratically. Kyle began to suck at Stan’s neck again, peppering little kisses and licks on his skin as Stan groped for his red curls, stroking his fingers through Kyle’s scalp as he quietly sighed at the feeling of Kyle’s hot, wet tongue lapping at his skin. 

Stan was close now, and he didn’t want this feeling to end, like they had finally discovered each other and only had a few hours left alive to enact their will, the outside world irrelevant as they humped in the safety of Kyle’s bedroom. He didn’t consider they’d be so desperate and aggressive when they finally did it, though he’s thought about the possibility before. It kind of makes sense, but he’s still shocked that they were so unhinged, like they’d both been bottling this up for far too long and it finally released, their primal urges unleashed onto each other in a raw attempt to fuck each other through their clothes. 

He came thinking this and seeing the unnerving brightness of Kyle’s eyes staring back at him as he gasped and groaned through his own orgasm, still wildly thrusting against Stan with his hips. He both panted and stared at each other, a crystal-clear language they spoke at that moment through their eyes, trusting each other with their lives, and this new development. 

Stan craned up to kiss Kyle again, and Kyle opened his mouth for him, still spread on top of him as they kissed. He pulled Kyle down beside him, keeping their mouths together and lapping gracelessly at each other as they panted through their orgasms.

Kyle released himself from Stan’s lips after a while, turning to caress Stan’s sex-wrecked hair back into shape. 

‘’Dude…’’ Stan started. 

‘’I know’’ Kyle said, too tired to give a real response for whatever the fuck they just did and revealed to each other.

The initial rush of ecstasy and lust somewhat calmed down as time went on, both boys becoming increasingly tired and cuddled up against each other on the single bed, spooning for warmth and softly kissing while letting their hands slowly wandered each other’s bodies. They made it past the end of the world, now they had time to re-explore the areas of each other only gazed upon before, or only touched in wild desperation, not really admiring them. 

They fell asleep nuzzling each other and still hugging when they awoke the next morning. Stan woke up early with Kyle’s arms clinging tightly onto his waist, and a pile of his springy red hair that Stan found mesmerising at the time stuck in his mouth as he tried to pull them out. Despite feeling quite lethargic from lack of sleep- he recollected the events from last night and smiled down at his sleeping, fluffy haired angel, now captivated at his extraordinarily cute face. 

Because Stan basically broke into the Broflovski house through Kyle’s window late at night and would literally be killed by Kyle’s mom if he was found sleeping in his bed without permission, he slipped out of Kyle’s arms, regretfully when Kyle moaned complaint at lost contact and headed home back through the window, quickly glancing at the house and smiling to himself. Maybe his breakup wouldn’t be as bad as he imagined after all?

Kyle woke up at his usual hour, feeling particularly at unease, then realising Stan had left and his makeshift heater had gone. He remembered the events of last night and how they unfolded. 

1\. Stan breaks in and cries on Kyle about Kite 

2\. Kyle sympathises, and Stan says he wishes Kyle had dated him instead 

3\. At a moment of weakness Kyle agrees they should’ve dated 

4\. Stan kisses Kyle 

5\. In another moment of weakness Kyle kisses back 

6\. They made out and Stan confesses his love 

7\. In a night full of weaknesses, Kyle confesses his love back 

8\. They dry humped through their clothes and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

What a fucking fantastic way to initiate comforting, platonic friend mode.


	10. Chapter 10

Later that morning Kyle stood alone at the bus stop. He was usually the first to get there and liked to ponder things in his head without interruption from Cartman’s constant bitchiness about everything. This morning called for extra solitude to think about what was going on between him and Stan. 

Stan had always pulled at his heartstrings- whether it be concerning his sudden depression and cynicism or moral issues, Kyle felt deeply for his best friend for years and wanted to give him happiness to carry through with life. Never did he consider before that Stan’s sudden happiness would make his own disappear so fast. Kyle still felt heartbroken about Tool-shed and its abrupt end, and it didn’t help that Stan immediately came to him as a rebound. 

He felt dull and lifeless after this whole venture, like one of Tool-shed’s drills that he used to give life with his powers- only to snatch that life away as soon as he was done. The love he felt for Stan wasn’t enough to blind him from the fact that he knew Stan belonged to another- the cruelty of it being him. He’d always thought the day after Stan finally confessed his feelings, if he confessed at all, Kyle would feel rejuvenated, invincible and confidently in love. He never thought instead he’d feel hopeless, unmotivated, cheated and hopelessly pining for someone who was obviously using him. Or maybe, Kyle was using Stan, as a coping mechanism. It sounded like a pathetic excuse. The truth is, Kyle was sad, horny and so desperate for Stan that he destroyed their friendship for the chance to kiss him. For the first time in years, he was not looking forward to seeing Stan.

**

Stan walked from his house to the bus stop with a spring in his step. 

He felt like things were falling into place again, and he shoved his guilt for Human Kite into the back of his mind- the only confrontation they would have will in battle from now on anyway. He was wistfully pondering last night’s developments as he trod through the omnipresent blanket of snow, when he caught a flash of green in the distance. 

Immediately recognising Kyle’s signature green ushanka he beamed and broke his calm pace into a somewhat frantic power walk, unable to contain his excitement in seeing him again. Drilling through the snow, tripping over himself he finally reached the bus stop where Kyle was alone, listlessly staring out into the open and oblivious to Stan’s arrival. 

Kyle finally broke out of his trance and nervously glanced over to Stan before quickly looking down when he caught a glimpse of his sensitive blue eyes gazing adoringly back at him. Kyle could tell that Stan was serious last night- or at least fooling himself about it. He could also torture himself by debating whether Stan’s sudden infatuation for him and his superhero identity proves his unconditional love for Kyle even when disguised- but that possibility is just to sappy and Disney-level cliché to be real. Most likely reason is that Stan is fooling himself with his feelings to avoid heartache, and that continuing with that charade will help him recover. Last thing Kyle needs is another goth Stan phase, so helping him will mend the wounds quicker. So, he told himself. What Kyle really wanted was last night on repeat, forever. They acted like it was the end of the world last night, enacting their will with a sort of ‘fuck it’ attitude, and now that the Earth has continued to spin, and they’re still alive, Kyle is left with the consequences of his actions.

Stan stood at the bus stop, observing Kyle’s nervous attitude and decided to break the brutal silence. Stan and Kyle were best friends and they had recovered from bad situations all the time. It was time to stop fucking around. It’s not as though the development last night was even a bad thing, but the vibe Kyle was giving right now was hinting that Kyle’s taking it that way.

‘’Hey dude, are you alright?’’ Stan asked.

Kyle stared at him incredulously, scoffing ‘’Oh I don’t know Stan, I’d say I’m choking on the tension in the air, but I’m already choked out enough from the tongue down my throat from last night thanks. So, I’d say I’m not alright.’’ 

Stan stared in shock as Kyle glared. He dared Stan to be any more clueless about how much they’ve fucked up their friendship. He’s going to have to find a new best friend now. The thought chilled Kyle too much to consider any further, so he just huffily looked at ground, waiting for whatever half-assed rebuttal Stan whips up. 

Stan cleared his throat and said softly ‘’I don’t think things have to be awkward, unless you want to forget about it ever happening- do you want that?’’ 

Kyle groaned and crossed his arms. He knew that they could never forget it- and he couldn’t end whatever was going on because Stan was in heartbreak and he might not survive another dump- especially from his best friend, even if it was a thoughtless rebound. 

‘’Jesus why did I do anything to begin with’’ He muttered mostly to himself. 

‘’Kyle I’m sorry if you regretted it. We’ll just forget about it. It- it’s fine.’’ 

His voice wavering halfway through- Kyle knew it was not. 

‘’No- it’s not that I regret it- but- Jesus, Stan it was a rebound- you were feeling sorry for yourself, and you knew I’d give you some love you were missing. You don’t really feel anything, and you’ll be over this if you just give it time, but I won’t take advantage of you like I did.’’ 

Stan looked up from the ground to Kyle with wet eyes, his mouth parted in disbelief. 

‘’Are you serious Kyle? Is that what you think this was- a rebound? Did you even hear me when I said I love you- or was your confession a lie? I’m serious about this- I want to be with you dude. I’ve loved you since we were kids- I can’t even- can’t you accept that?’’ 

Stan began sniffling during his confession and tears slid down his face as Kyle quickly hurried over the snow to embrace him, arms crossing around Stan’s shoulders to his back. He began to cry for real when Kyle squeezed him, possessively, needing him to know how much he meant to him. 

‘’Stan- I love you too- I’m sorry for being a dick.’’ 

Stan sobbed ‘’Will you please go out with me for real- like, is that allowed?’’ 

Kyle laughed between crying and said ‘’Of course its allowed Stan- there aren’t really rules for this kind of thing, but yes, I will.’’ 

Out of all the ways he expected this to go in his head- he didn’t anticipate the uplifting relief in his chest when he realised that he truly loved Stan, that Stan loved him and this newly flowing hope included the notion that he might be able to fix things with Human Kite as well. 

‘’Kay’’ Stan uttered quietly, muffled against Kyle’s orange jacket as he clung desperately. Kyle sighed, and eased Stan out from his grip, still holding him up by his shoulders. He darted into Stan’s face and kissed him, only for a few seconds, but when he released from the kiss, Stan was beaming, cheeks wet. ‘’You’re so weird’’ Stan said, and smiled. If Stan was happy, Kyle would be anything he wanted. 

Kyle glanced over Stan’s shoulder and saw Kenny and Cartman trotting up to the bus stop. He released himself from Stan and stood next to him, staring out into the snowy day ahead of them. Stan grabbed Kyle hand and held it, not looking at him, but he smiled. Kyle blushed, but kept his grip firm. Kenny and Cartman approached, Cartman ignored them in favour of continuing talking about whatever the fuck he was talking about. Kyle couldn’t give a fuck. Kenny stood next to them, staring out into the same white landscape, and glanced at the two of them, his eyes bulging when he saw them holding hands. 

‘’Um guys- not sure if you got the memo, but hand holding is what couples do. We don’t want a repeat of yesterday’’ Kenny pointed out. Stan exchanged a look with Kyle. He guessed they were telling Kenny.

‘’Uh, about that’’ Stan chuckled lightly, and Kyle’s face blushed like a tomato, already red rimmed from crying. After a moment of looking back and forth between the two of them, Kenny’s jaw dropped. After a few seconds of silence, he sputtered. ‘’What? Are you saying that…’’ 

‘’Um, yeah’’ 

‘’No’’ Kenny shook his head profusely, looking up at the sky with his eyes pinched, ‘’I need to hear it. I refuse to believe it until I hear you say it.’’ 

‘’We’re dating’’ Stan said simply, shrugging, face still tear-stained, but apparently Kenny missed that.

‘’But you’ve pretended for kicks before, how do I know you’re not fucking with me? Kiss him to prove it’’ Kenny pointed at them, eyebrows creased, waiting.

‘’Uh…’’ Stan looking at Kyle, who sheepishly shrugged. He kind of wanted to show Kenny, rub it in his face, even though he was right, the bastard was right all along. Stan softly grabbed Kyle’s chin, guiding it closer to him, and tenderly kissed him, sneaking his tongue out, just a little. Even such a soft tenderness sent the same vivid electric shocks down his spine not unlike how the messy, slobbery attacking did. Kyle held Stan’s cheek while they made their showcase, to prove that yes, they were dating, finally, and Kenny could get his fucking payment, as he put. When they released from the kiss, they turned to Kenny. Kenny was crying, tears streaming freely down his face while he beamed like a sun at them, weeping happily and shamelessly. Kyle did not expect Kenny to have such crazy emotions regarding their relationship, and when he looked at Stan to silently ask what he thought about this bizarre reaction, Stan looked just as surprised. 

‘’You guys’’ Kenny wept, sniffling and wiping his nose on his orange jacket. ‘’Finally,’’ He laughed watery, then jumped on them and gave them both a bone-crushing hug. 

‘’Jesus Kenny, if we knew you were holding back this much emotion, we’d have done something ages ago. This is unhealthy to supress’’ Stan said, patting Kenny’s back. Kenny released from them and smiled like a maniac. 

‘’You guys have no idea how happy you’ve made me. Fuck- I can’t believe it. You better believe I’ll be making posters and T-shirts announcing this to everyone. I’ll wear mine every day- that’s a promise. I love you both so much. Seriously, you’ve made my fucking year. Can I show you off to everyone today please? Or at least butters?’’ 

‘’Fuck no, you’re not parading us around’’ Kyle said. 

‘’Fine but tell me, how did it finally happen? I want details here. Don’t leave out the sex. I’m sure it was nothing short of sluttily spectacular’’ Kenny grinned manically and waited like an excited puppy for them to reveal. 

‘’Oh- Stan came to my room in the middle of the night and fucked me while I slept. I woke up and wanted him to do it again, so he did.’’ Kyle sarcastically said. No way he’s going to tell the real story- mostly because it’s about Human Kite, and he’d rather Kenny’s opinion for him not reduce any further than it is. Stan laughed. 

‘’That’s sounds fucking beautiful- just how I imagined it would happen. Tell me the real story or no, I know it’s perfect. Fuck I’m so happy, I feel like I’m cheesing, but you know- with dicks instead of boobs. Man did I get burned out on boobs early-’’ Kenny was just rambling insanely now, and Kyle leaned on Stan’s shoulder, so happy that he’s finally able to do it after all this time, out in the open. Fuck, it felt good to come out of the closet. Kenny squealed like a schoolgirl. 

‘’I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to stan you guys so hard’’ Kenny said, openly dreamily gazing at the two of them. 

‘’What the fuck did I miss?’’ Cartman asked, taking out his earphones he apparently put on at some point and looking over to the three of them. He saw Kyle leaning on Stan’s shoulder and scowled. ‘’Oh seriously? Did the fags finally fuck?’’ He asked Kenny, who beamed and exclaimed ‘’Yep, I’m so proud!’’ 

‘’Oh wow, I didn’t think Kyle had the balls to do something about it. Maybe he’ll finally get that sand out of his vagina now that he’s getting laid’’ Cartman boredly commented, turning away from the two cuddling boys and the happily crying mental case next to them. Kyle rolled his eyes, gripping Stan a little tighter and ignoring the further squeals of joy from the mental case in front of them.

The bus arrived and they marched in, Kenny climbed on first and as soon as he was in aisle he announced to the whole bus, ‘’It’s happened people. Style is official!’’ He walked through the bus, openly beaming at everyone and answering questions and watching their reactions, though no one shared his manic smile, the people who cared did look happy about the news. Kyle got embarrassed thinking that they’d turned this simple affair into such an involved thing that all these people looked happier that the sham of their platonic relationship had dissolved. Stan and Kyle went red and averted their eyes as they walked down to the back of the bus. Of course, Kenny had to make it into a big deal when it finally happened. It wouldn’t seem right for him not to. As they walked through to the back, Wendy stood up from her seat and stopped Stan in his tracks, frowning at him. 

‘’What?’’ Stan grumbled. Kyle turned to Wendy and openly scoffed at the desperate look on her face.

‘’Kyle? Really? How is he any better than me?’’ Wendy asked, whining a little. Kyle scowled at her, but she ignored him and tried to make her expression look sweet and vulnerable for Stan. It just made her look jealous and pathetic.

Stan scoffed ‘’Fuck off, you bitch’’ and kept walking, ignoring her further questions and pleading tone. Kyle gave him a small smile and sat down, making room for Stan in their usual seat, pleased at his superior handling of the situation. Maybe not exactly compassionate, but Kyle couldn’t give a fuck if Wendy’s feelings were hurt. After years of his oblivious doting on her in elementary school, it was music to Kyle’s ears every time Stan called her a bitch. Because she was one, plain and simple, and deserved everything she got. She and Cartman deserved each other.

Butters jumped up from the seat in front of them and turned to them. ‘’Oh boy, you guys are finally together, that’s so sweet. Kenny’s so happy. I hope you two are as well’’ 

Butters smiled. ‘’Thanks Butters, we are’’ Stan said, returning his smile, and put his arm around Kyle. Butters gave his approval and sat back around in his seat.

Kyle had been progressively getting more worried and jumpier as the morning progressed. Stan’s arm around him was helping, but he couldn’t stop thinking about how things with Human Kite ended. He wanted to tell Stan who he was, but he was scared. Scared that Stan would be angry he hid it from him, especially when Stan went on the night before about how poorly Kite had handled the fight that led to his identity exposure. He had handled it poorly, and he only did it better the second time around because he came more prepared. He was still shocked about Stan’s identity, and had to adjust to the fact that he’d been dating Stan for 3 years, and completely unaware he was doing so. That also meant that Stan knew Mysterion’s identity all along, that Kenny knew he was Tool-shed, and that he was dating Human Kite. Maybe, because Kenny knew their situation better than anyone else, he might be the one to talk to about this. Kyle could probably get some advice in revealing himself the right way, that wouldn’t make things worse. He really didn’t want to screw up again, especially since he might not get another chance this time. He resolved to talk to Kenny about it as soon as they had a moment alone. He couldn’t handle this stress any longer, and any advice was better than telling himself he didn’t deserve Stan at this point.

When they arrived at school, before they walked into the school, Kyle pulled Kenny aside and told Stan he could go ahead without him. Stan looked a little perturbed but shrugged and said he’d meet back up with him inside. He kissed Kyle’s cheek before walking into the school, ignoring Kenny’s verbal delight.

‘’What’s up my beautiful homosexual? You need help proposing to Stan?’’ Kenny asked, grinning. He was still in heaven, charmed by everything and everyone, all because his friends humped the night before.

‘’I seriously fucked up, Kenny’’ Kyle admitted.

‘’What! Why?’’ Kenny panicked ‘’But you’re dating Stan. You should be in heaven right now. What happened?’’

‘’Um, it’s about Stan. You know he told me he’s Tool-shed’’ Kyle said. 

‘’Whoa really? That’s bold. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t tell you already. You guys are so open about everything to each other, I just thought you’d shrugged it off or something. Stan did seem pretty determined not to let you know about him before when you fuckers exposed me. But what’s wrong with telling you?’’ Kenny asked.

‘’Well you see, it’s what led to us getting together. It all happened last night. Oh fuck- I’m so screwed’’ Kyle groaned and held his hands to his face.

‘’Tell me what happened’’ Kenny encouraged. 

‘’Stan came into my room last night and cried about how he broke up with Human Kite, because he revealed his identity to him and claimed Kite didn’t love him for himself.’’ 

‘’Holy shit, that’s crazy. So, Stan dumped him. I’m sorry to say but I can’t feel too bad, because you two are meant to be together and Kite was in the way.’’ 

‘’But you see that’s where things get crazier’’ Kyle stated.

‘’How?’’ Kenny asked

‘’Ugh, I don’t even know if I can tell you this. You’re Mysterion.’’ 

‘’Brilliant observation’’ Kenny remarked. 

‘’So, you understand the important of identities, right?’’ Kyle asked 

‘’Of course, not that you’d know if you up and exposed mine without a caution in the wind’’ Kenny said, still sore about his recent exposure.

‘’But you see I know very well the importance of keeping them secret.’’ 

‘’Huh?’’ Kenny was confused and looking at Kyle sideways, trying to understand what he was getting at. Kyle huffed. There was no point in beating around the bush.

‘’Okay, I need to tell you something. But you can’t tell anyone else about this. Oh fuck- should I even say this?’’ Kyle asked himself, groaning.

‘’Well you’ve got to now. Come on spit it out’’ Kenny said. 

‘’Okay- so I’m Human Kite’’ Kyle blurted, cringing as he waited for Kenny’s reaction. Kenny was still, stoic and it was a scary difference to the unfiltered happiness he’d shown all morning. 

‘’Fuuuck you’’ Kenny droned, frowning at Kyle, disappointing in him lying. 

Kyle sighed, ‘’It’s true.’’ As a demonstration, he looked around the area, and upon finding no one else around or watching, he lifted himself off the ground, just a little bit, but enough to get his point across. Kenny’s eyes popped out from his head and he gasped, his mouth dropped open as he watched Kyle descend back to the ground. Kenny stared at Kyle in shock, blinking several times, trying to realise what he just saw.

‘’No fucking way!’’ Kenny yelled. Kyle shushed him, looking around for anyone. The courtyard was still abandoned, everyone inside the warmer school building. 

‘’So yeah- I guess I was dating Stan for three years without even knowing it. That’s just the horrible joke my life is right now’’ Kyle said. 

‘’Kyle, are you fucking with me? This is serious, you’ve just revealed yourself to a freedom pal. You can’t just do that!’’ Kenny exclaimed. 

‘’I’ve revealed myself to one of my best friends, the other I cannot confide because that means he would be aware that he’s been fucking his best friend for years. He would completely freak out, that’s why I need your help’’ Kyle said.

‘’Kite- Kyle, holy shit. I need to process this. Too much has been exposed to me today. So, Stan came into your room to fuck you after breaking up with you? Ouch, that’s harsh’’ Kenny winced.

‘’We didn’t fuck. He came to reveal himself, and cry about breaking up. I didn’t reveal myself. I thought he’d freak out if I did. It was humiliating too. Imagine your boyfriend rebounding onto you immediately after breaking up with your disguise. I don’t know what to do. You know him as Tool-shed already, so you’re the only person I can confide right now’’ 

‘’Okay, just hang on. How the fuck did you not recognise him in his disguise? You guys are soul bonded, you should be able to recognise him if he was cut into a million pieces’’   
‘’Hey- I had my suspicions, but who goes, and points peoples identities out based on a hunch? Just because their hair is the same, or their cheeks are both really pink and lickable- look never mind, I’m getting off topic here’’ 

‘’Uh huh’’ Kenny smirked ‘’I think you just need to tell him. Don’t drag this on any longer. It’s going to be harder to control if you wait. Right now, you guys are revealing things with each other, so use that to your advantage and just tell him the truth’’ Kenny said. 

‘’I know, fuck! You’re right, you’ve been so right all along. You bastard. How did you even know I love Stan? I thought it wasn’t that obvious’’ Kyle said 

‘’Other than the usual groping you two perform for everyone’s view. How could someone not suspect you’re infatuated? I’m very observant anyways, so I would’ve noticed even if you didn’t give each other blow jobs for everyone to see’’ Kenny said. 

‘’Fuck you we do not. It’s Stan that’s so cuddly anyway’’ Kyle said. 

‘’Isn’t that funny, we’re on opposite superhero teams and didn’t even know it’’ Kenny chuckled. 

‘’Yeah, this will make civil wars even more complicated.’’ 

‘’Okay listen, I’m going to retract my orders that you can’t fuck Tool-shed during civil wars, in fact I’d prefer if you do it close enough for me to see or hear.’’ 

‘’But Tool-shed hates Human Kite now. At best the tension in the air is going to be insufferable. I used to live for civil wars, you know we’d go and find a building and fuck on top of it. It was the only time we could see each other. Now I’ll have to fight some other freedom pal to stay away from him’’ Kyle said, sadly. 

‘’Kyle, you need to talk to him about this. Things aren’t going to get solved if you drag this on. Usually I’d give you some vulgar remark about how to deal with things, but because I care about you and Stan, and my soul would be crushed if god forbid you broke up, I’m giving you some real, heartfelt advice. I suggest you take it. You ask me again and you can guarantee I’ll suggest you fuck him in your kite outfit, okay’’ Kenny said.

‘’Yeah okay. I just- it’s so hard. What if he’s angry? What if he breaks up with me?’’ Kyle questioned, a slow panic settling into him. 

‘’Kyle, I guarantee he’s gonna be fucking thrilled when he learns he’s been fucking you. He’ll probably respond by doing it again. You guys lost your virginity to each other, without knowing it. That’s fucking poetic if you ask me. 

‘’I didn’t’’ Kyle scowled. 

‘’Yeah well, since when do I ask for permission?’’ Kenny grinned.

‘’Ugh whatever. Thanks for your help Ken. Please stop being so vocal about us- it’s fucking embarrassing. We literally hooked up last night, and you’re yelling to the school about it.’’ Kyle complained.

‘’Hey, I’m happy. I don’t have a filter when I feel this awesome. You could probably tell that I was holding in a lot of angst about you two. Shit- I didn’t even mean to go off the other morning, but damn Kyle. You were practically giving Stan a hand job while we waited for the bus’’ 

Kyle forgot his annoyance for a moment remembering that morning, and blushed. Stan had been so touchy feely, and Kyle happily reciprocated, using the excuse to get warm to feel up and down Stan’s arms, unable to feel any muscle through all his layers, but getting hot knowing it was there, and he’d had the pleasure of seeing it before. Not everyone in this freezing ice box town got to see under the multiple layers of clothing everyone wore outside, Kyle had been lucky enough to see Stan at his very closest, even if at a point he was unaware of it. He felt an inexplicable giddiness when he realised, he’d seen Stan’s dick before. And had it stuffed inside him.

‘’Yeah, I kind of was’’ Kyle admitted, grinning. Kenny laughed and told him so. They went into the school after that, both rushing to get out of the cold, and were immediately blasted with the welcome warm of artificial heating. Stan had loitered around the front entrance, waiting for Kyle, and beamed at him when he came in, bounding toward him like an excited puppy. It was odd seeing him so, to put it candidly, possessive of Kyle, and he got embarrassed when he realised, he loved it. Kyle loved having Stan’s attention focused on him, like he’s the only person in the world worth a damn. No one else has ever made him feel this way, and it only secured in Kyle’s mind the fact that they just belong together. He couldn’t be bothered reprimanding himself that he was being cheesy, because the words felt too true to refute. He knew he had to tell Stan about Human Kite, it was unfair that he knew that Stan was Tool-shed, and Stan was still oblivious to him. He resolved to tell him today, hopefully, next chance they had alone. This felt too important to hide any longer. Damn Kenny, he was always right.


	11. Chapter 11

They were a little early and classes hadn’t started yet, so he thought it might be good for Stan to have to day to think about what he was going to tell him. Just as he was about to suggest to Stan to go somewhere to talk, Stan pulled him away from the front of the school into the halls. 

‘’Come on dude, I need to show you something’’ Stan explained, gripping Kyle’s hand and dragging him through a deserted hallway. 

‘’Stan, can’t this wait? I need to talk to you. It’s important’’ Kyle said, worrying that he’d have no other chances all day to tell Stan the truth.

‘’This won’t take long’’ Stan said. He pulled Kyle along, then stopped in front of a Janitors closet, opening it’s unlocked door and dragged Kyle inside, hastily closing and locking it behind him. Kyle in that split second put one and two together, but he didn’t have time to feel surprised or suggest talking instead when Stan pushed him against the wall and licked his mouth open, hungrily devouring him. Kyle widened his eyes in surprise, but quickly kissed back, grabbing Stan by the hair and forcefully pulling him in, sinking into him. They both moaned, and Stan made no delay to firmly grab Kyle’s ass and squeeze, making Kyle yelp and work his tongue against Stan’s mouth with more resolve. Kyle forgot about talking, losing his mind as Stan kissed him, only just accepting that his best friend since forever was kissing him, wanting him, loving him. He still felt like he was half asleep, in a dream world where Stan finally kissed him, and they were seeing how far they could go at every interval.

They both panted and fought for dominance like horny teenagers, which they were. Kyle lost himself in the feeling of Stan’s soaking wet tongue shamelessly stroking up and down his neck, pausing to nibble at a sensitive spot that made Kyle moan loader than before. Kyle was beet red as he pulled away from Stan, and god, he looked gorgeous, confused and lidded eyes staring at him as though asking: what the fuck did you stop for? 

Kyle was embarrassed that red bled onto his face so easily, but his current clouded judgement stopped him from losing resolve. He had keenly felt Stan’s boner knead him in their enthusiasm, and it gave him a primal sense of giddiness, knowing what he could do with it, and the best part of this deal was he didn’t have to feel nervous or unsure of himself because he’d done already, and he knew what Stan, or should he say Tool-shed, liked. He knew how to make him scream.

Kyle decided to play it safe lest someone hear them from out in the halls. School seemed so irrelevant in the dream world they’d found themselves in this dingy little closet full of cleaning supplies and products, but he was distantly aware that someone could hear and report them if they made themselves obvious. He knew how much Stan could take before his moans could get uncontained enough to become shouts. Stan gasped in surprise as Kyle quickly slid down to his crotch and unzipped his fly, on his knees, looking up at Stan the entire time. Kyle felt drugged with the need to make Stan feel good, to let him know how much he knew, and what he could do to prove how much he loved him.

He took no time to expose Stan’s hard dick, and without any reservations, took it straight into his mouth. Stan gave a choppy gasp, still considerably in shock that Kyle got to work so quickly and was obscenely good. Kyle hoped Stan wouldn’t recognise the very distinct deep-throating style both Kyle and Kite loved, because this would be the most humiliating way to reveal themselves. While getting a blowjob, yep. He held onto Stan’s hips, keeping them in place to stop him from bucking, which he was known to do. Stan pulled Kyle’s ushanka off and gripped his red curls tightly. Kyle felt an unexpected surge of heat. He realised that this was the first time Stan had gripped his hair, having had it hidden under a grey hood every time he did this. It was hot, because he thought he knew everything about Stan, and this particular response from him gave him shudders. If Shed had wanted to grip his hair all this time, and restrained himself on account of maintaining Kite’s identity, he must have released his wants in some other way. It might explain why he always fucked Kite rougher after he sucked him off. Kyle reached for his own zipper, opening it and palming himself idly thinking this.

‘’D-dude, oh my god, how are you this good?’’ Stan moaned. Kyle sniffed and didn’t dignify a response. He wasn’t revealing himself right now with a dick in his mouth, nor was he saying he had experience, because it would just make Stan upset and jealous. Stan was a very jealous person. Kyle kept his eyes on Stan, knowing how much more uncontrolled he got when he gave him his full attention, eyes wide and innocent while he bobbed his head up and down Stan’s length. Stan expectedly lost it, pulling Kyle’s hair as he fucked his face, panting and moaning like a whale. Kyle was more enthusiastically palming himself, his own little moans growing louder as he watched Stan go crazy with lust. ‘’K-Kyle I- I’m gonna, gonna- ‘’ Kyle sucked harder, twisting his tongue around the head of Stan’s cock like a lollipop, until Stan groaned and shuddered, and came in Kyle’s mouth. Kyle swallowed it down like it was a milkshake. He pulled off and gave the tip a final, loving lick and stood back up, enjoying the astonished look Stan gave him, still kneading his crotch.

‘’Kyle, oh my god. You- you’ve done this before?’’ Stan asked, still blown apart by Kyle’s expert dick sucking.

‘’What? You think you were the only person to do stuff with your mystery person?’’ Kyle said, deciding that his confession would have to wait. He’d seen too many sex scenes end in a fight when someone exposed something right afterwards. Stan looked sad as Kyle said this, as though he was disappointed Kyle knew how to give head from experience. Kyle didn’t have the heart to burst his bubble even more by telling him he’d practised on him as Tool-shed.

‘’Let me do you’’ Stan said, surprising Kyle with his resolve, and moving Kyle’s hands away from his crotch and unzipping his fly himself, exposing Kyle’s hard dick. Kyle watched him as he slid to the ground and held his face to it, and he was surprised that Stan quickly got to work, taking him in in wide hungry swaths of his tongue. Kyle would’ve expected some nervousness or something, considering Stan was as far unaware that Kyle was the person he’d been with, and to him this was the first time. Stan must’ve been upset when Kyle said he gave his mystery person head, because he felt vengeful, possessive, so, so arousing.

‘’Oh fuck, Stan’’ Kyle muttered, as Stan teased a line with his tongue on the underside of his cock. The very idea that Stan was currently doing this to him, knowingly, made him come before he could warn Stan. He swallowed just as easily, and Kyle leant back against the door and breathed heavily, shivering. Stan removed his mouth and went back up towards Kyle. He looked smug and leaned in to capture Kyle’s mouth again. Kyle moaned and held Stan’s face, so, so grateful for him, for everything.

‘’Was it better than your mystery person?’’ Stan asked when they released for air. Kyle grinned.

‘’No, it was much better’’ That was true in a way, especially when they dove in for another kiss and Kyle could fully appreciate the moment. They eventually snuck out of the supply closet and headed to class, where the bell had just rung. It was only then that Kyle forgot his mission to tell Stan the truth, and by then they were too crowded by their classmates to talk seriously about it. He didn’t want to cause a scene anyway.

It seemed like every time Kyle felt ready to confess, something happened and dragged Stan away from him, first being an impromptu football training session at break, then a meeting regarding the next big game. Kyle couldn’t get a word in with this apparently busy day, and he thought he was jinxed with these patterns of events. During mathematics, Kyle was nudged by Kenny beside him.

‘’You tell Stan yet?’’ Kenny asked, fiddling with his pen in favour of doing the worksheet set out before him.

‘’I haven’t had the chance yet; life keeps screwing me over and taking away any opportunity’’ Kyle whispered, trying to look busy in his own work, though he couldn’t concentrate on the numbers in his page. They were jumbling around his brain.

‘’Why didn’t you do it before class when Stan dragged you away?’’ Kenny asked. Kyle blushed, hoping it would go unnoticed, but fucking Kenny could always catch these things.  
‘’You were fucking, weren’t you?’’ Kenny asked, and Kyle’s silence apparently answered his question.

‘’Ha! You fucking dogs. Damn Kyle, you can’t put things above your dick, can you?’’ Kenny laughed.

‘’Fucking shut up’’ Kyle hissed, looking down when the teacher glanced in their direction. He glared at Kenny when the teacher looked away again, and Kenny smirked.

At lunch, Stan was finally free from any sporting obligations, and Kyle pulled him aside before they made it into the cafeteria.

‘’Kyle- what? - ‘’ Stan asked, looking back at the doors as Kyle held his arm.

‘’I seriously need to talk to you. It’s so important dude’’ Kyle said, leading him outside, where he knew no one else was, and they could finally have this discussion.

‘’What’s going on?’’ Stan asked curiously, and Kyle was dropped back to earth. He felt his stomach lurch at the prospect that he was actually doing this, after so many years keeping his identity hidden, and keeping it dutifully guarded from Tool-shed, and now he was going to reveal everything.

‘’Um, I need to tell you something, and I need you to not freak out’’ Kyle said, breathing haggardly.

‘’Of course, you can tell me anything. You know this’’ Stan said reassuringly, taking Kyle’s hand and holding it. The gesture was nice, but Kyle was hyperventilating now, and he used it as a stress ball, squeezing tight.

‘’Okay, um, last night. You were upset about breaking up with Human Kite, and then we finally got together’’ Kyle said.

‘’Yeah?’’ Stan said, confused.

‘’Oh god, well um- ‘’ Kyle was interrupted by the back-entrance doors flinging open, with Kenny bustling out and hurrying towards them. Kenny approached them and took Stan’s other hand.

‘’Sorry to break up the love fest, but Stan needs to come with me. Right now,’’ Kenny said hurriedly, pulling Stan towards the doors. Kyle held onto Stan’s other hand.

‘’What? Kenny, I need to talk to Stan right now’’ Kyle said, trying to convey he was confessing at this moment. Kenny seemed unconcerned, and a little frazzled, his eyes wide and unfocused.

‘’Dude, Kenny what’s going on?’’ Stan asked, gripping Kenny arm. 

‘’I’ll tell you soon, you just need to come with me, now’’ Kenny repeated, pulling Stan harder so Kyle released from his grip. Kyle hurried after them.

‘’Kenny! What the fuck?’’ Kyle asked. Kenny shook his head and kept walking.

‘’I just need Stan for a moment. Alone Kyle, so fuck off for a bit yeah?’’ Kenny said, looking back at Kyle with eyes that conveyed exactly what was going on.

‘’Kenny, Kyle knows I’m Tool-shed’’ Stan said, as Kenny kept walking.

‘’I fucking know, okay. That doesn’t make it okay for him to know what going on with the freedom pals though. He’s an outsider’’ Kenny said. Stan looked back at Kyle, and though Kyle was furious with Kenny for interrupting them, he understood.

‘’Okay fine, I’ll go. Come and find me later Stan. It’s important’’ Kyle said, stopping short as they kept walking, and around the corner.

‘’I will. I love- ‘’ Stan called, and Kyle didn’t need to hear the rest to know as they disappeared from the halls.

‘’Shit’’ Kyle muttered, walking away.


	12. Chapter 12

Stan always knew he’d made the right choice by diverging to the freedom pals when he was ten and he continued to hold that thought process. The freedom pals were selfless and heroic, always putting the greater good above their own self-interests, and he got along well with his team. It also helped that Mysterion had his back during the awkward phase where no one knew each other, and therefore were confused as for who to trust. Kenny revealed himself to Stan, giving him the motive to take off his own mask and let Kenny know one of his best friends agreed with him and encouraged their mutiny from the Coon and friends. They needed that trust more than ever when the coon and friends waged war with them, and suddenly the selfless acts the team did for the town became a dramatic performance for the divided teams to fight and cause unrest with allegiance. To this day, that initial promise of fighting crime in the town for the greater good had been deserted, now the sole objective was to once and for all destroy the coon and friends. Stan knew the coon and friends held this similar oath, and the fact that his own team reduced themselves to their level like they have made Stan lose faith in the whole reason for being a superhero. It was partly why he held so little regard to woo Human Kite in the first place. It was also why he exposed his identity so flippantly to both Kyle and Kite the night he broke up with him.

He was considering why he was even Tool-shed anymore, as Kenny dragged him through the halls and out to the front of the school, his grip hard and determined. Kenny would not offer him any information as to why he disrupted him and Kyle until they were outside the school, alone in the snowy paved way of the entrance doors. Stan halted, and stared at Kenny, watching his unfocused and somewhat manic eyes dart everywhere but at him.

‘’Kenny, what the fuck is going on?’’ Stan asked, holding Kenny’s arm tightly, as though he would dart away at any moment. He was being weirdly jumpy.

‘’You need to get changed into Tool-shed. Right now,’’ Kenny urged, pulling them both to the direction Kenny was obviously desperate to go.

‘’What’s happening? Is it the coon friends?’’ Stan guessed, confused because he only saw Cartman earlier. No way he’d have time to conquer the town and go to school the same day. He wasn’t so sure about the other members, their identities tight knitted to prevent any of them from finding out. Kite was a particular offender, though Stan tried not to think about him anymore.

‘’Maybe- Doc said, something. Look you’ll know soon enough. I don’t have time to explain, we need to get to the headquarters. Do you have your suit with you?’’ Kenny asked.

‘’Yeah. Doc, he- what? Hang on, why are we being called up there? This seems weird’’ Stan said, making at face. The lack of information made him cautious, though Mysterion was a fucking mystery on his best days, and his favourite way to dispatch information being in clipped speech and riddles.

‘’You just need to get changed, and I’ll meet you there. The information must be distributed amongst the team’’ Kenny said, taking his hand away from Stan and running off to the side of the school, out of sight. 

Stan stood there looking over where he left for a moment, then got his backpack and dug out his outfit. He always packed it with him, the amount of times he’d been caught in a situation where he needed the disguise never ceased to make him constantly wary. There were amenities Stan about on the side of the school, near the football field, where the players of the games would use during half-time, to cease the need to travel the distance inside. Stan used them all the time, not just for football games, but whenever he couldn’t be bothered walking inside and times like this, where a speedy costume change became a necessity. He ducked into the bathroom, looking out for anyone, and quickly changed, bothered by this secretive message.

**

‘’Ah, finally. Now we can proceed’’ Doctor Timothy said telepathically when Tool-shed arrived at the freedom pals base and sat down amongst the table occupied by the freedom pals members, all looking as confused as Stan felt. Mysterion was among them, but he looked grim instead, like he was perfectly aware of what was going on. Must be nice, Tool-shed thought.

‘’Right, so can someone explain why we were called up here, during school hours’’ Tupperware said.

‘’Yeah man, w-what’s up with that?’’ Wonder Tweek asked, nervously fidgeting in his seat. His mannerisms were so familiar, and it always stumped Tool-shed to think he’s seen it somewhere before.

‘’Freedom Pals, we have reason to believe the Coon and friends are planning an attack on us. We know not when or how, but I’ve come across a discovery in my quest to learn their identities. One that may change our odds of defeating them in the future. We all know they’re not above blatant low attempts to get rid of the opposing team in South Park, but the most recent plan may be one that we cannot fight if we do not make changes to our team’’ Doctor Timothy declared.

‘’What are they planning?’’ Tool-shed asked. Mysterion stood up and moved to the head of the table, looking away from them with a swish of his cape.

‘’We have found evidence that the coon and friends are recruiting a new superhero into their ranks. A superhero with tremendous power, that rivals any of ours’’ Mysterious said. 

The freedom pals glanced across at one another, all wondering who it might be. Tool-shed didn’t even know others existed that weren’t already part of either team.

‘’Do you know yet who it is?’’ Tupperware asked.

‘’We do not. That is why we have assembled the team today, if not only to brainstorm who this mysterious newcomer might be, but to introduce another new face in our organisation that will help fight it’’ Mysterion said. Tool-shed frowned, confused, and by looking at his team they thought the same. That is, until the entrance of the base opened, and everyone turned in surprise to find someone unfamiliar standing there, adjusting her nightstick.

‘’Freedom pals, please welcome Callgirl’’ Doctor Timothy said, turning his wheelchair to face her. 

Tool-shed’s eyes were bugged out from his head, and he couldn’t seem to close his mouth, and by glancing at his team’s faces they were having the same problem. The girl apparently named Callgirl, walked up to the table and stood next to Mysterion, regarding the team with a serious face. She had sleek black hair, a pink and purple top and skirt under a mountain of gadgets framing her chest. She had a pink mask disguising her face, and an expression Tool-shed could only describe as determined. She looked interesting, to say the least.

‘’Thanks for arriving on short notice. I’m sure Mysterion has filled you in on our current predicament’’ Doctor Timothy said. Mysterion as usual, was emotionless, standing at attention next to the doc. Tool-shed tried to look at him and convey with his face his confusion, but Mysterion wouldn’t even glance at him.

‘’Yes, he has. I’d like to say to the freedom pals that I’m glad you have stepped up in allowing a female into your ranks, unlike another certain team in this town’’ Callgirl said, glancing at each of the freedom pals, and was it just Stan or did she linger longer when she looked at Tool-shed? Tool-shed looked away, feeling like he was being analysed with those intense eyes of hers.

‘’Well, I wouldn’t put it above the Coon to be not only racist and bigoted, but sexist too’’ Tupperware said. Callgirl looked at him and smiled a little.

‘’Yes, and that’s why I believe this town would benefit if they are snuffed out for good’’ Callgirl said, stepping forward like a commanding figure. Tool-shed distantly wondered based on her determination if she would end up leading the Freedom Pals one day. 

‘’We agree with you there’’ Mysterion said, jumping in suddenly. ‘’We have gone on for nearly 8 years fighting them, and in the process, we have lost everything we set out to be when we split from them. It’s time for a change. Callgirl, you say you can hack media accounts for information?’’ Mysterion asked.

‘’Yes, at the least I can find out who this newcomer to the coon and friends is and find their powers so we can prepare for their attack before the next civil war’’ Callgirl confidently said. Tool-shed frowned.

‘’Hang on, Mysterion. We already have a third party for hacking purposes’’ Tool-shed pointed out, meaning Kyle.

‘’We don’t have time for that. The third party has been less agreeable recently anyway, and Callgirl can do everything they can’’ Mysterion said, brushing Tool-shed off with a dismissive shrug. Tool-shed clamped his lips together, strongly disagreeing with that. Kyle acted as a bridge for both teams, and Mysterion is deeply mistaken if he thought Callgirl could replace him.

‘’Who’s this third party?’’ Callgirl asked, staring directly at Tool-shed, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

‘’An anonymous informant who used to assist us with research. It doesn’t matter now, because you will be handling that department from now on’’ Mysterion assured her. ‘’Okay Freedom pals, I know how important it is to bond with a new team member, so introduce yourselves and make Callgirl feel welcome’’ Doctor Timothy said.

‘’What about school, some of us need an education’’ Tupperware pointed out. Mysterion grumbled.

‘’Take a fucking sick day, I don’t care. The freedom pals are first and foremost, you know that tup’’ Mysterion said. Tupperware sighed ‘’whatever’’.

The team ended up in the common room, which held much more comfort than where they were, and one by one introduced themselves to Callgirl, except for Doc and Mysterion, who she already knew from recruiting. She seemed nice, if a little distracted, but When Tool-shed came to introduce himself, she gave him an unwavering amount of attention.

‘’Uh, hey. I’m Tool-shed, good to have you on the team’’ Tool-shed said, shaking her hand, wanting to go home, to Kyle and hear the thing Kyle had seemed so intent on telling him. It sounded serious, but he couldn’t exactly sneak out of here right now, with Mysterion watching everyone like a hawk. Callgirl smiled prettily.

‘’Thanks Tool-shed. It’s nice to meet you’’ Callgirl said.

‘’Um, so what power do you have? Other than hacking I mean’’ Tool-shed asked awkwardly.

‘’I’m a gadgeteer. Like yourself I hear’’ Callgirl giggled.

‘’Really? What do you do? I control power tools with my mind’’

‘’I can make weapons out of phones, by hacking. I’m also handy with my nightstick’’ Callgirl said, gesturing to the stick strapped to her waist. Tool-shed nodded.

‘’Maybe we should spar sometime. I know it’ll help me learn more about being superhero if learnt from you’’ Callgirl said.

‘’Um, if you want. I’m not really a close combat hero though, it’d probably be better if you learnt from Mysterion. He’s brutalist with close combat skills’’ Tool-shed said. It’s not that he didn’t want to help Callgirl, but he really didn’t have time. Between school, superhero-ing, and Kyle-ing, he had no spare time. And to think Kenny wanted him to go to parties.

‘’Yeah, it’s just that I thought I could learn more about gadgeteering with you. I know how to punch perfectly well already’’ Callgirl smirked. Tool-shed sighed.

‘’Alright, I guess. When did you want to do it?’’ He asked.

‘’I’ll let you know’’ Callgirl said, impishly, walking away. Tool-shed honestly didn’t have time for this cryptic shit, if Callgirl was flirting or honestly interested in fighting, he didn’t care. He headed over to Mysterion, who was watching everyone in the corner of the common room, his eyes nervously darting everywhere like a skittish rabbit.

‘’Mysterion, can I be excused from this little social gathering. I’ve got shit to do’’ Tool-shed said. Mysterion eyed him cautiously, then smirked.

‘’Don’t call Kyle shit’’ Mysterion said.

‘’Fuck you. Can I go?’’

‘’Yeah, whatever. Just be ready for an alert. Actually- here’’ Mysterion dug something out of his layers of black and passed it to Tool-shed. It was a digital watch.

‘’I’ve got my phone if I need the time’’ Tool-shed said, holding the watch up back at Mysterion.

‘’It’s not just a watch dumbass. It’s basically a phone within itself. Doc made them for the team, so we can contact each other without the stress of identities being exposed. We all know that’s a pain in the ass’’ Mysterion said. Tool-shed inspected the watch, finding it to be a touchscreen, and when he swiped it the contact list of the freedom pals were on it, Callgirl’s included.

‘’Shit, dude. Can other contacts be added onto it?’’ Tool-shed asked, inspecting it closer.

‘’Yeah, just make sure it’s a secure contact. People who contact you there will know you as Tool-shed. You could add Human Kite on there too’’ Mysterion suggested. Tool-shed frowned.

‘’We broke up dude. Stop bringing him up’’ Tool-shed said a little bitterly. Mysterion sighed and shook his head.

‘’Whatever. Get lost now if you’re gonna. I must stick around and help doc figure out more about this bastard joining the Coon friends’’

‘’How did you even find out some newcomer was joining their team anyway?’’ Tool-shed asked.

‘’Sources’’ Mysterion said curtly, walking away from Tool-shed with a swish of his cape. Tool-shed was glad to escape, and quickly darted out, planning to go to Kyle’s. He looked at the watch once more, realising they’d spent the rest of the day in the hideout, it was now 7 pm.


	13. Chapter 13

Kyle didn’t see Stan for the rest of the day, and worried what business he and Kenny had that would take this long. He was practically eating his hand with nerves, the extra time to think about what should have been revealed long ago not helping his case at all. It only gave him time to think about the horrible potential reactions Stan might have. He was nearly considering just giving up being Kite, so he’d cease to exist, and the relationship with Tool-shed would go with it.

It was around 7 when he’d given up staring at his homework, not processing anything, and just went to bed early. He was dreaming about something thumping and scratching nearby when he realised it was actually happening. Kyle sat up to find Tool-shed coming through the window and coming over to him. Kyle imagined Tool-shed was still an anonymous hero in his groggy state until he came over and instead of patting him or asking him to research, he collapsed on him and licked his lips open, diving in for Kyle’s tongue. Kyle let himself think for a moment that Tool-shed knew who he was and let his instinct take over, finally having him without asking, just taking. Kyle moaned and dropped down onto his back, pulling Tool-shed back with him. Kyle brought his hands through Tool-shed’s hair and skimmed over his goggles, then slipped them off, revealing the face Kyle really loved.

Stan pawed at Kyle’s shirt while they kissed, and Kyle arched up to let him take it off, feeling adrenaline seep into him like a faucet. Kyle moved to take Stan own shirt off, grinning wildly. It was Tool-shed’s chest, his stomach, everything. Kyle could recognise it so well now. And to think he couldn’t for so many years, it was such a close link between Stan and Shed, and Kyle couldn’t even see it. Apparently, Stan couldn’t either, if he was still unaware, he was making out with Kite right now, needfully rubbing his erection down onto him.

‘’Mmm, Shed’’ Kyle purred when they parted for air. Stan brushed his fingers over Kyle’s cheek softly, his face flushed. He leaned down to suck at Kyle’s neck, licking in wide swaths.

‘’Mmm, Kite’’ Stan moaned. Stan froze when he said this, his whole body going stiff, and that’s when Kyle opened his eyes and looked at Stan’s horrified face. Stan jumped up and sat further back on Kyle’s bed, his mouth open at Kyle in shock. Kyle sat up too.

‘’Kyle- I, I didn’t mean that. It just slipped out’’ Stan said, panicked. Kyle sighed.

‘’It’s okay Stan. I mean, he’s all you’ve ever known. I’m fine with it’’ Kyle said, scooting over to hold Stan’s arm reassuringly. He wasn’t going to say it now, it would make things worse. He couldn’t help thinking any time he revealed it would make it worse. Stan took Kyle’s hand away, shaking his head.

‘’No- I’m supposed to be over him. This shouldn’t be happening. Oh god’’ Stan covered his eyes with his hands. Kyle frowned.

‘’You’re not over him, are you?’’ Kyle asked. Stan removed his hands and looked at Kyle, silent tears sliding down his face, his eyes wide and crazed.

‘’I’m still in love with him’’ Stan admitted, crying now and hiding his face again. 

Kyle hurried to him and wrapped himself around Stan like a blanket, trying to convey how okay with this he was. Kyle shouldn’t have been uplifted to hear this, Stan didn’t know they were the same person, he thought he was loving two different people at once. Kyle wondered if it would be worth it to just tell him now.

‘’I’m so sorry Kyle’’ Stan cried, hugging Kyle’s chest.

‘’It’s okay Stan. I’m fine. You just need to get this out’’ Kyle assured him. Stan shook his head.

‘’I don’t want to have any feelings for him. It’s supposed to be over. Fuck, I’m so sorry’’ Stan said. Kyle sighed.

‘’If it makes you feel any better, I’m not over my mystery person’’ Kyle said. If that properly conveyed how much Kyle loved Stan at all. Stan sniffled and looked up at Kyle.

‘’Can you tell me who it was?’’ Stan asked. He should just tell him, now.

‘’I can’t tell you. It’s a supposed to be secret’’ Kyle said, wincing, berating himself for being a fucking pussy.

‘’I guess I can’t be mad at you, since I can’t get over Kite’’ Stan said, sighing.

‘’You don’t have to get over him’’ Kyle blurted. Stan looked at him, puzzled.

‘’Huh?’’

‘’It’s just, you were dating him for a long time. You can’t just forget that. I don’t blame you for feeling this way. You can keep feeling like this, I don’t mind’’ Kyle said, shrugging. Stan frowned.

‘’How can that be though? I’d have thought you’d be upset and jealous or something. How are you okay with this?’’ Stan asked tearfully, as though it meant more to him right now what was going on with Kyle than the fact, he wasn’t cried out over Kite yet. Kyle sighed.

‘’I don’t know Stan. I just understand. Do you remember comforting friend mode?’’ Kyle asked, rubbing Stan’s back.

‘’What’s that?’’ Stan asked, sniffling.

‘’It’s this way I’d act around you after you broke up with someone. I wasn’t there for judgement, or to comment, just listen to you and make you feel better. It’s all that would matter at that moment. God knows I wanted to speak out, back when you would have a tizzy over Wendy, and even Human Kite. That’s what I’m like right now, because to me it’s all that matters, making you feel better’’ Kyle said.

‘’I knew you wanted to say more, your lip would always twitch when I brought her up, like you were stopping yourself from speaking out’’ Stan said. Kyle smiled, small and sad.

‘’How am I going to cope with the next civil war?’’ Stan asked, looking at Kyle, his eyes worried.

‘’Like you’d handle ever other civil war dude’’ Kyle said, mostly metaphorically. If Stan did what he did every other time Kite would certainly be fucked, literally. Stan’s eyes widened.

‘’Hey Kyle?’’ Stan asked, looking oddly serious, his crying stopped. Kyle stopped rubbing his back and faced him more.

‘’Yeah?’’ Kyle asked, softly, brushing the hair from Stan’s eyes, feeling them blearing into him.

‘’I wanna fuck you’’ Stan said, and Kyle’s not sure why he felt so surprised by this statement, other than how out of the blue it felt in the conversation, and how serious Stan said it.

‘’Dude’’ Kyle uttered, and Stan gently lay him down, leaning over him with determination on his face. Kyle’s mouth was stuck open, surprised.

‘’Please’’ Kyle whispered, so softly he thought Stan didn’t hear him, but then he was kissing him, slowly undoing his sleep pants and rolling them down, exposing Kyle to the chill of the room. Kyle watched as Stan took of his own pants and tossed them on the floor, then look back at him, his hands moving around Kyle’s hips. Kyle was dazed, and felt like he was in a dream as Stan calmly and carefully took his legs, hitching them up and letting Kyle wrap them around his waist as he scooted closer, lining up to Kyle.

‘’Lube’’ Stan whispered, as Kyle dazedly nodded and reached for his end table, pulling out a bottle of lotion, staring at Stan in wonder the whole time. He passed it over, not sure what else to do now as Stan took control and pushed himself in. Kyle had only ever been fucked this gently and soul-breaking when he lost his virginity, and Tool-shed had been full of nerves too much to go much harder. This was different, Stan wasn’t scared, he looked confident and determined, but he went in slowly anyway, and Kyle’s heart ached the whole time, a breath caught in his throat and refusing to dislodge. He felt like he was when he was 15, completely terrified and vulnerable to Stan, wanting him so badly but scared shitless of the idea of actually having him, doing this together like they were remaking the world to fit around this perfect moment.

Stan was gazing at Kyle the whole time, unblinking, and Kyle stared back, unable to look anywhere but through his gorgeously sad and world-ending blue eyes. He was so distracted by this intensity that he didn’t realise Stan was pushing himself in, and now so fucking deep Kyle felt like he would scream. He couldn’t though, and only squeaked as Stan slowly pulled out, and painstakingly thrust back in, never leaving Kyle’s eyes. He keep thrusting slowly, and Kyle grabbed Stan’s forearms, digging his nails in deep, trying to convey how much he felt right now without words, because his fucking throat wouldn’t work, and he needed to tell Stan how much this meant to him, the first time he knew it was Stan all along, and Stan was doing this to Kyle, his best friend, his favourite person, his Kite.

It felt like years had passed, and Kyle was jittery afterward, after Stan had reshaped him to the point where he could finally scream, crying out and coming what felt like a fucking river. Stan was right there with him, breathing erratically and resting his forehead on Kyle’s as he emptied himself inside Kyle. Stan collapsed after he pulled out, and Kyle shimmied over the bed to give Stan room as he seemingly immediately passed out. It had been an insanely stressful day for Kyle, so he imagined what Stan had gone through with sympathy, brushing his hair out of his now closed eyes.

Kyle wondered about the secret eating at him all this time as he drifted off, making him crazy and guilty. He didn’t really want to tell Stan, but he knew he had to. After everything, it wasn’t fair if he didn’t know, and Kyle probably wouldn’t have survived hiding it any longer. Shit was hitting the fan with the superhero teams, and any added drama would only make things worse, that he knew from experience. It would be so easy to just say it, no dicking around, just go out and say it.

‘’Stan, I’m Human Kite’’ Kyle said out loud, knowing Stan didn’t hear it, passed out next to him. 

He fell asleep moments after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When will Kyle just tell him?
> 
> Find out soon with Dancing with Disguises  
> Brought to you by Lozislaw


	14. Chapter 14

Kyle woke up hearing a buzzing on his end table. He groggily blinked, moaning, and decided to ignore it. It was his phone buzzing, and Kyle knew it wasn’t Stan, Stan was snuggled up against him right now in his bed. He dropped back down and tried to go back to sleep.

The buzzing continued and Kyle immediately recognised the voice that followed a shrill beeping.

‘’Coon and friends alert. Coon and friends alert… Alert, seriously. All coon friends to base. Alert you guys I’m so seriously… Emergency, Coon and friends alert…’’

Kyle groaned, and sat up again, pissed off at Coon but not willing to let Stan hear the alert, and the fucking thing wouldn’t turn off unless you went to base, it somehow knew if you were going or not. He sat up and grabbed his phone, muffling the noise in his shirt and glancing over at Stan. He was fast asleep and didn’t seem to be in danger of waking up anytime soon. That would have been Kyle if he wasn’t so used to hearing that shrill sound and whiny voice and know something important was going down. Sometimes it wasn’t, and Coon got his fair share of ass-kicking’s from the team for waking them in the middle of the night for a coon and friends base design meeting.

He didn’t risk it anyway, and quickly hopped out of bed and got his outfit out of his backpack, hastily putting it on and going over to the window. He looked at Stan again, peacefully asleep and facing the other way, and smiled. He ducked out of the window and summoned his Kite, appearing on his back as he gripped the handles and launched away with a whirl of wind.

**

‘’Ah Human Kite. Come and sit, where just waiting for super craig now’’ Coon said, sitting at the head of the table in the centre of the Coon and friends base. Fastpass and Mosquito were already seated on either side of Coon and Kite went to sit next to Fastpass.

‘’So, what’s this about, bzzz?’’ Mosquito asked, his voice nasally. Everyone looked at the Coon.

‘’We better not be here because you’re considering painting the base grey again’’ Kite said, crossing his arms. He could be in bed right now, with Stan. Instead he’s having to stare at the fatass and try not to visibly show his disgust.

‘’That was a one-time thing Kite! This is super important! We just need that butthole Super craig to get here and we’ll begin’’ Coon said, pounding his fist on the table. Nobody said anything, and for a few moments it was very awkward.

‘’Have you seen that new movie about the dog?’’ Coon asked Fastpass, breaking the silence for a moment.

‘’I haven’t, but it looks a-abs-absolutely fantastic!’’ Fastpass said. Everyone was quiet again, and metaphorical crickets could be heard.

Super craig finally arrived and took a seat, either oblivious to or not caring about Coon’s hateful glares.

‘’Fuckin’ took you long enough Super Craig’’ Coon spat. Super Craig shrugged.

‘’You try getting here quickly while you’re having sex with your boyfriend’’ Super craig said.

‘’TMI dude’’ Kite groaned, now thinking about it in digust.

‘’Super Craig! You are not supposed to be conversing with Wonder Tweek. You are fucking enemies, do you forget? I forbid any further contact with him!’’ Coon shouted, slamming his fists down. Super Craig didn’t react.

‘’I don’t even care about this war. Just tell us what you want so we can leave’’ Super Craig said nonchalantly, crossing his arms. Coon glared at him, but gave up in the face of Super Craig’s stoic expression and looked out to the rest of them.

‘’Whatever. As we are here today, Coon friends, because the fucking Freedom pals are cheating! I’ve collected from an inside source that they’ve just accepted another hero into their ranks, and they might tip the balance on civil wars in the freedom pussies favour. Seriously, we cannot have that happen, so I have taken precautions, and prepared something to fight back against those dirty ball-licking lesbians’’ Coon said proudly. The Coon friends looked at each other.

‘’The freedom pals have another hero on their team?’’ Kite asked.

‘’That’s what I said Kite, and we are prepared for their dirty little jew tricks’’ Coon said. Kite bit his tongue, fighting against that comment would only damn his identity.

‘’Who is it, bzzz’’ Mosquito asked.

‘’We do not know’’ Coon said a little sadly, like he was seriously upset by this. ‘’But, thanks to me and some extensive preparations I’ve made, we are not doomed. With that, come and meet the newest fee paid member of coon and friends. Diabetes, get your ass out here!’’ Coon called. From behind the makeshift wall separating the conference room from the rest of the base, out came a small boy with wavy brown hair and a freckled face, walking over to the table.

‘’Woah- w-h-whew-who is this? Fastpass stuttered.

‘’My name is Captain Diabetes’’ the boy said, his lisp very prominent in his speech. Kite looked this kid over, he had a plain yellow t-shirt with red shoulder pads that made him look even smaller due to their large size, much too big for him. He had insulin attached to a belt handing from his chest and Kite realised diabetes was a large theme of his getup.

‘’Wait so what’s your power?’’ Kite asked.

‘’With the devastating power of diabetes, I am a brutalist with the ability to use sugar to increase my metabolism’’ Captain Diabetes announced confidently, putting his hands in his hips in a superhero pose, looking out.

‘’Ease back with the fuckin’ superhero poses Diabetes, this isn’t a movie, nobody’s taking your picture’’ Coon said. Diabetes dropped his arms again.

‘’Sorry’’ Diabetes lisped. Coon continued.

‘’Okay, so now we have another hero to fight the freedom butthole pals. Captain diabetes may look like a pussy now but give him some sugar and we’ll win the next civil war for sure’’ Coon said, smiling evilly out at the team.

‘’So, can we go now?’’ Super Craig asked.

‘’You could’ve just called us and told us this’’ Mosquito said.

‘’Shut up! I’m the leader and I’ll do what I want!’’ Coon yelled.

Kite stood up, and the others followed.

‘’Whatever, it’s fucking late. We’re leaving’’ Kite said as he walked away from the table and headed for the stairs.

‘’Hold your fucking horses Kite, fuck! I’ve also organised the next civil war for us tomorrow to show those lesbians who we have now, so be prepared for the call’’ Coon shouted. Kite groaned and kept walking. He couldn’t just have one normal day in this fucking town.

The others followed Kite out of Cartman’s house. Coon was pretty smart when he wanted to be, Kite would give him that, but he was a dumbass for making the coon base in Cartman’s basement. It made his identity even more obvious if that was possible. He could walk into battle without a mask or costume and nobody would give a shit.

‘’What do you think of the new hero, bzz?’’ Mosquito asked Kite when they were outside. Super Craig had vacated the area, presumedly so he could go back home to Wonder Tweek, and Fastpass had sped home. Both Kite and Mosquito could just fly home, but Kite’s house was pretty nearby to Cartman’s, unfortunately.

‘’He’s interesting, it’ll be cool to see what he can do. Honestly though I’m over civil wars, I’m just hoping they’ll fizzle out or something soon’’ Kite said.

‘’Do you have a thing with Tool-shed?’’ Mosquito asked abruptly, and Kite guffawed, boggling at him. His skin crawled.

‘’What the hell makes you think that?’’ Kite asked sharply, and Mosquito blanched.

‘’Nothing, it’s just, bzz. I hope the civil wars end too’’ Mosquito said, looking down. Kite narrowed his eyes suspiciously, and Mosquito perked up again. He leaned closer to Kite and said, ‘’I know Tupperware. His secret identity- we’re friends in real life’’ 

Kite widened his eyes and looked at Mosquito.

‘’Dude- ‘’

Mosquito leaned closer again and whispered, ‘’I have a thing with him too.’’

Kite gasped, dropping his jaw. Mosquito seemed unconcerned and shrugged as Kite continued to boggle at him.

‘’You’re fucking kidding me?’’ Kite asked. Mosquito shook his head.

‘’I’m just saying, I think when the freedom pals and coon friend realise half the teams are dating each other, this silly thing will just end’’ Mosquito said, and then he flew away, leaving Kite to stare after him in shock.

He eventually flew back home, dazed, and silently crawled through his window, careful not to make a noise. Stan was right where Kyle left him, dozing peacefully on the bed. Kite quickly undressed, hid his outfit safely in his backpack again and joined him, slipping beside him and curling himself up around Stan. He quickly fell asleep again, mindlessly remembering what Mosquito had told him.

This silly thing will just end. Half the team is dating each other.


	15. Chapter 15

Wednesday was certainly an interesting day for Kyle. He woke up with Stan facing him, staring at him cautiously, as though what they’d done the night before didn’t really happen. Kyle pulled him in to lick his lips apart, finding him stupidly ready and wet when he found Stan’s tongue. They would have to get up soon and get ready for school, Stan would have to go back to his house, but right now they didn’t care, only interested in humming into each other so tightly until they were one entity. Kyle pulled away, and Stan looked like he was ready for round two.

After they fucked again, this time Kyle held the headboard of his bed while Stan took him from behind, and Stan climbed out the window to go back home, Kyle went downstairs. He was really feeling the effects of having get out of bed in the middle of the night after being fucked, and he couldn’t stop yawning, and blushing when he felt a familiar burn in his ass.

He’d forgotten about the feud with his mother about Stan until she approached him as he poured himself cereal listlessly, looking at him with a different kind of cautious, as though he would jump up and attack her if she said the wrong thing. That wasn’t entirely overreacting, he still felt like he could, but he was feeling too giddy to berate her anyway.

‘’What?’’ Kyle asked when she continued to stare at him, shovelling his breakfast in quickly. He was running a little late to school, distracted by Stan’s perfect dick earlier.

‘’Are you ready to resume our conversation?’’ Sheila asked, and Kyle glared at her.

‘’It was totally inappropriate for you to bring it up with Stan standing right there’’ Kyle said, resuming eating. Sheila sighed and took a seat facing Kyle, which only unnerved him.

‘’If you’re going to have a big talk with me it’ll have to wait. I’ll be late for the bus’’ Kyle said.

‘’I can drive you to school’’ Sheila offered.

‘’I’m meant to meet Stan at the bus stop’’ Kyle said. Sheila gave him a look that infuriated him, as though she could guess why he wanted to see him so bad.

‘’How is Stan doing?’’

‘’Fine. I’m helping him get over a break-up’’ Kyle said tersely, already regretting telling her that part.

‘’He broke up with someone?’’ Sheila looked concerned, and Kyle honestly didn’t have time for her fake sympathy, she knew very well she wasn’t sorry.

‘’Yes, and I’m helping him get over it. Do you mind? I need to get to school’’ Kyle said, finishing the rest of his bowl and standing up. Sheila was looking at him comfortingly, and it made him angrier, because he kind of felt like confiding with her, though he’d have to leave out close to everything involving sex and superheroes.

‘’Alright bubbeh, come talk to me if you need to’’ Sheila said sadly. Kyle sighed, feeling a little guilty now, but he didn’t have time for this, he was already running late. He remembered what Coon said about initiating another civil war today, so he made sure to pack his Kite outfit, though he was pretty sure it would be after school. Full groups of kids ditching school at the same time would only raise alarm bells and pretty much expose the superheroes in town. Kyle also had to fill Stan in on the Mosquito/Tupperware conundrum he’d discovered last night, though he’d have to mince words a bit in how he found out. His identity was still threatening the back of his mind, though it was hardly a priority in the midst of this war.

Kyle very nearly missed the bus, he was just saved by Stan, who held the doors open for him at the last second before the bus pulled away. Kyle was breathless when he got on, and immediately collapsed on Stan’s lap in their usual seat once they sat down.

‘’Dude! Why were you so late?’’ Stan laughed.

‘’My mother’’ Kyle said, turning to face him. He touched Stan’s cheek, but couldn’t do much more on this crowded bus. He remembered the humiliation of yesterday when Kenny outed them to the bus as soon as they got on.

‘’Shit- did you tell her?’’ Stan asked.

‘’Uh, no’’ Kyle laughed. ‘’I’m not proving her right straight away’’ 

‘’You’ll have to tell her at some point’’

‘’I know. I just want to stay in the bubble a little longer’’ Kyle said, though he knew it couldn’t be true. Even if his parents didn’t know, this thing they were doing couldn’t be kept much longer with the superhero teams bubbling closer to the edge, and what they’d do then, Kyle didn’t know. It was nice to pretend everything was fine though, and Stan certainly seemed to believe it, so Kyle couldn’t ruin that. He did know however, that today would be an awkward civil war at the least.

The day progressed otherwise normally, scarily average. It could only mean the rest of the day would be the opposite, so Kyle treasured his time with Stan, leaning into him at break and kissing him at every interval. He was basically skipping across the halls by the end of the day, ecstatic it had gone so swimmingly, until he got the call.

‘’Kite. Human Kite, are you there? Is the area secure?’’ Coon called from the special ‘coon’ phone he’d given the Coon and friends.

‘’Yeah, I am. Is it time?’’ Kyle asked. He was hidden behind the lockers in the halls, it was last period and he’d been asked to deliver Mr Mackey’ lunch to 7B. AP teachers were smug assholes who made the students carry their whims, but whatever got them the grades, Kyle kissed their asses anyway.

‘’Yes. Be ready on the main street immediately after school. We’ll finally defeat the fags with Diabetes’’ Coon said. Kyle rolled his eyes, not sure if Captain diabetes was as powerful as Coon made him out to be, or if he was trying to remain hopeful, but whatever. Kyle only cared about seeing Tool-shed, and kind of dreading it too.

‘’Alright, I’ll meet you there. Kite out’’ Kyle said, handing up and stashing the secret phone away. It was time, and Kyle couldn’t help feeling like this one would be different, other than the obvious. Just this gut feeling, and it wasn’t good.

**

Kyle was just turning to leave when classes ended when Stan caught him. Any other day and Kyle would gladly take Stan with him and ignore his previous commitments, but he realised Stan needed to be somewhere too.

‘’I just wanted to say bye. They called me just before’’ Stan said, and he leaned closer to Kyle. ‘’Another civil war’’ he whispered.

‘’Shit, you gonna be okay?’’ Kyle asked. He was concerned what Tool-shed might be feeling about the situation with Kite.

‘’Yeah, yeah. It’ll just be really awkward. I haven’t seen him since the breakup’’ Stan said sheepishly.

‘’I don’t doubt it. Shouldn’t you get going?’’ Kyle asked, and Stan chuckled.

‘’You that eager to get rid of me?’’ Stan asked, smiling.

‘’Well- I just know the best way to enter a fight is actually being on time’’ Kyle said. Stan snorted.

‘’Alright, I’ll go. You wanna hangout afterwards, if it isn’t too late?’’ Stan asked.

‘’Of course,’’ Kyle smiled, and they kissed before Kyle pushed Stan and told him to go already. When Stan finally left, Kyle darted for the backdoors and changed on the move. He didn’t have time to find an unlocked janitors closet, and felt confident no one would see him, luckily his suit was easy to pull on. He summoned his kite and quickly flew up, creating a vortex of air force from the ground as he zoomed away from the school and quickly headed to the main street of South Park.

**

Kite shot down to the ground with a flourish and stood beside his team as they faced the freedom pals. Every single time they did ritual of a war, everyone always waited for one of the leaders to speak up before the pre-war digging could begin. They would all stand in a line facing each other, scowling and smiling deviously, all prepared and waiting for what was to come. This time was no different, except that on the end of each line stood two new heroes, Captain diabetes, and a girl Kite didn’t recognise. She was the new hero.

It was surprising to have a girl in their midst, for these wars at least, but Kite had been very affected by Coon’s dictatorial rule over his team, meaning no girls, Mexicans, black people or gingers allowed. Kite was just happy his hood hid his hair, otherwise he’d have been long gone. He was glad nonetheless, that things were changing, and the freedom pals at least tried to include her.

Kite glanced at Tool-shed, feeling his face heating, but Tool-shed wouldn’t look at him, keeping his eyes firmly on the ground. He was mildly blushing too, and it broke Kite’s heart that he was acting like this. They’d come so far from being legitimate enemies, and now they were back to square one. He couldn’t believe he thought it would be a good idea to tell Stan who he was. It would have ruined them.

The Coon finally spoke up, his face already poised at asshole smugness, probably for anticipating the freedom pals plan and getting ahead.

‘’Well, well, well. Look who decided to show their faces. Look’s like we’ve come prepared for you pussy cheaters’’ Coon said, gesturing to Captain diabetes, who now took his superhero pose without refrain. Kite looked at Mysterion, who was in the middle of the line and so obvious acting like the leader, even though he technically wasn’t.

‘’Us? Cheaters? You assholes are the ones who went against the rules to one up us with another hero, we came prepared for it’’ Mysterion pointed to the girl, who looked serious. Coon frowned.

‘’Who’s that ball-licker? I thought girls were forbidden from being superheroes’’ Coon looked at the girl, who scowled at Coon and looked ready to fight, her stance repositioning tensely.

‘’My name is Callgirl, and you can shove your head up your ass, dickhead’’ Callgirl spat, and Coon scoffed.

‘’Whatever bitch, we’ve got the real deal over here. Captain diabetes will wipe the floor with your chick ass’’ Coon said, pulling Captain Diabetes forward. He looked nervous now that his attention was called. Kite tried hard to get Tool-shed’s attention, but he wouldn’t look at him, instead looking at Callgirl, which Kite immediately resented. She was focused on the Coon though, scowling at each other like they were both going to pounce at any second.

‘’Tool-shed and I could take him’’ Callgirl confidently said, and Kite jerked in surprise. Tool-shed looked surprised too, and for one lightning second, his eyes darted to Kite’s, and Kite felt like crying when he saw how quickly he turned back and acted like it never happened. Glancing at Tool-shed used to be his favourite part of the civil war trash talk.

‘’huh?’’ Tool-shed said, and Callgirl took his arm, displaying him to the Coon who looked ready to kill, his claws tensing at his sides. He promptly laughed.

‘’Ha! You think you and the homo can defeat Diabetes! Bring it on ho!’’ Coon yelled, cackling. Kite could only look at Tool-shed, the way Call-girl’s hand was curling around his arm, protectively. Tool-shed didn’t shrug her off or anything.

‘’Enough!’’ Mysterion shouted, silencing Coon to snickers. ‘’You fuckers cheated! We are getting even, so let’s bring it on, bitch’’

Coon glanced at Captain diabetes, who nodded in response and pulled a juice box from his pocket. Everyone watched as he quickly drunk it and started spasming. Kite gasped as he roared and grew, seriously grew, his whole body taking on another form. His muscles grew and tensed, veins pumping as his height rocketed. He looked like a giant hulk and flexed his muscles in anger. Coon looked smug as everyone stepped back at his giant brute size, and he actually leant down to the road and pulled a chunk of asphalt from the road and threw it 50 yards across the street.

‘’Holy shit!’’ someone shouted, Kite couldn’t tell who, as he watched Diabetes run toward the freedom pals with deadly intent. The Freedom pals flinched for only a second before Mysterion called out to fight back, and then they were running forward too.

The Coon friends following Diabetes and ran forward against the freedom pals, and collided with them, directly heading for each of their enemies. Coon yet again went for Mysterion, who at first tried to combat Diabetes but was sidelined by Coon. Kite felt like he was in a daze as he ran towards the fight, keeping from the front line of damage as he scoped the scene. Everyone was fighting, and Callgirl and tool-shed had beelined for Captain diabetes, just as she said they would. Kite leapt into the air to see from above, and immediately felt the jealously compel his body. He was going to leave Tool-shed alone, give him time to recover, but his heart saw him and Callgirl fighting together, and he couldn’t stop himself as he flew down to them and stood by Diabetes side, ready to attack.

Tool-shed bugged his eyes out at Kite, who decidedly refused to look at him, instead at Callgirl, who openly sneered at him and Captain Diabetes.

‘’Human kite’’ Callgirl said, not asking if it was him, but saying his name, acknowledging his presence and that she knew him.

‘’That’s right. And you are?’’ Kite mocked, but he looked at Tool-shed when he said it, Tool-shed was avoiding his eyes again. Callgirl scoffed.

‘’You ready to do this?’’ Callgirl asked Tool-shed.

‘’Sure, he’s ready to ‘nail’ the competition’’ Kite said, smirking, but when Tool-shed slid his gaze to Kite again his taunting smile drained, and he felt empty again. Tool-shed was being very quiet and subdued, something Kite had not seen from him at all as Tool-shed. He wished he could somehow tell Tool-shed that it’s okay, and to encourage him to regain his fun cocky attitude, but Tool-shed wouldn’t look at him, and when he did, it was a short glance that tore Kite’s heart out.

Captain diabetes roared and ran at the two freedom pals, and they immediately flanked him and pulled out their weapons, Callgirl using a nightstick to wack the back of Diabetes legs. Tool-shed used his drill and stuck it in the ground, summoning laser drills that popped up from the ground and barely missed Diabetes as he turned around in fury. Human Kite didn’t know what to do as he watched them fight, then realised he couldn’t just stand there and pathetically watch Tool-shed fight alongside Callgirl, just as Kite always dreamed of doing.

He used his eye layers and aimed for Callgirl, hating the way she looked at him, and gave Kite knowing smirks in return. She bounced away from his lasers with the agility of a cheetah, which only infuriated him. Diabetes made attempts to run after Tool-shed, trying to headbutt him like in a football drill, but Tool-shed easily evaded him and hit him again with a flurry of nails form his nail gun.

‘’Kite- what the fuck. Why hasn’t Diabetes destroyed those pussies yet?’’ Coon yelled out, wheezing when Mysterion landed a kick in his stomach. Kite looked over to him, then to the rest of the battlefield. Super Craig were fighting, and actually laughing, Tupperware and Mosquito were having a very toned-down fight, barely even attacking each other, and talking it seemed like. This whole thing was a joke, this wasn’t even a war.

Kite looked back at Diabetes, who was capably handling both Tool-shed and Callgirl, he didn’t even need Human Kite there. But there was no one else left. Kite sighed and left the ground, surveying the superheroes below him, and aimed for Callgirl again, this time she was caught off guard and he landed a strike on her left arm. She hissed and looked up, scowling at Human Kite, who grinned and shot again. She dodged this one, then landed a kick at Captain Diabetes stomach, making him stumble and grunt, before reaching for a pole and removing it from the ground. He roared with it above his head and smashed it down at Tool-shed, and Tool-shed mustn’t have been quick enough, because he fell down with the pole and yelled out in pain, holding his leg.

Kite wasn’t careful enough when he yelled out Tool-shed name in panic as he sat on the ground holding his leg. Tool-shed looked up at Kite for a second, his eyes wide and unguarded, then they hardened, and he looked down again. Callgirl noticed his injury and immediately collapsed down with him, gasping his name. the anger Kite felt overtook his judgement and he flew back down to the ground and lasered Callgirl, hitting her chest directly. She screamed and fell down, and Tool-shed gaped at him. Human Kite took no time to use his Kite and swivel the air around him, creating a hurricane of air that reached Tool-shed and pulled him forward, towards Human Kite in a flurry. It was a healing move, and when Tool-shed came closer to him with the wind, his bad leg was healed.

Tool-shed looked at him with wide eyes, and Kite’s anger somewhat evaporated, though he was still pissed at Callgirl, who was still crouched to the ground holding her chest in agony. He would heal her too, of course, but she was barely his priority.

‘’Remember that’’ Kite said sternly to Tool-shed, crossing his arms as he nodded and backed away again, running back to Callgirl and kneeling at her side. Tool-shed looked at Human Kite again, asking him to heal her. Human Kite tersely nodded and swept the wind up again, dragging her towards him and healing her singed chest. By the time the wind stopped, her burns were gone, only her shirt was ripped and singed. She looked at Kite in awe for a second, then landed a swift hit with her nightstick against his knees. Kite cried out and dropped to the ground, mostly in surprise.

‘’You bitch. I healed you’’ Kite growled, holding his knee. It didn’t exactly feel broken, but it still hurt like hell, but mostly that betrayal of what he considered a truce. Callgirl shrugged.

‘’We’re on opposite sides, there are no friends’’ Callgirl said, going back to Tool-shed, who had resumed fighting Diabetes. He hadn’t even noticed Kite on the ground, and he was the only other one who could heal.

‘’Oh yeah, what about you and Tool-shed huh?’’ Kite yelled venomously, but she didn’t respond, taking up fighting the big guy throwing things around in the middle of the street. Kite groaned and tried to stand up, but the knee wasn’t as bad as he imagined. His anger though, was soaring to new heights. He made it back to Diabetes and began to heal him, but something happened, to stop him. Diabetes cried out, not in pain from their attacks, but his body did a spasm thing like when he turned into the unwieldy monster, only this time what followed was shrinkage, his old body coming back into shape like the scrawny kid he was before. Callgirl and tool-shed stopped fighting him, their surprise obvious, until Diabetes fully regained his old form and moaned. He suddenly opened his eyes wide and scrambled up.

‘’My insulin. I-I need it after a sugar high- otherwise I’ll- I’ll’’ Diabetes ranted frantically, hastily grabbing his sash of needles and insulin bottles. Kite knew very well what was going on, but apparently Callgirl didn’t because she held his arms and stopped him from grabbing his insulin, holding him back as he spasmed against her.

‘’Stop! He could die if he doesn’t get insulin!’’ Kite yelled, horrified by the possibility.

‘’I-I need, my- my in-‘’ Diabetes stuttered, feebly trying to pull form her grasp. Callgirl honestly looked confused but let him go so he could inject himself.

‘’He has diabetes, dumbass’’ Kite said, as Captain Diabetes sighed as he injected himself, pushing the needle in.

‘’Whatever’’ Callgirl flicked her hair and turned to Tool-shed. ‘’So, I guess we won. We made a pretty good team, hey Shed?’’ Callgirl giggled, holding Tool-shed’s arm. Kite stared at them intensely, trying to resist burning a laser at her hand so she’d let go him.

‘’Um, yeah. I guess, though diabetes seemed to beat him in the end’’ Tool-shed said, looking down at Captain Diabetes, who was gasping on the ground, normal sized again, scrawny as ever.

The fighting was still going around them, but this moment seemed to be trapped in a little bubble with the four of them, the rest of the world inconsequential. Callgirl smiled sweetly at Tool-shed, and Kite watched in horror as she pulled Tool-shed down, and landed one, wet sloppy kiss right on his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't hate Wendy, I love Wendy, but this fic requires her to be this way. Don't hate on her because of this though.


	16. Chapter 16

The rage came first, blinding hot and indestructible, making him capable of doing anything, and that what he did. Kite screamed in a shrill pitch that was foreign to even him and shot up into the sky until tears stung his eyes, though he could feel them coming anyway. He felt like he’d made it into the top of the atmosphere, his breathing shortened, but the rage wasn’t done, so neither was he. 

He summoned with all the strength he could conquer into his Kite, and he felt the heat leave his body before he’d even summoned the moon, and he felt that heat beam down into the place he found the blinding rage, the one godforsaken town, that goddamn street, that place he saw what officially broke his heart in a way he didn’t think he’d ever recover from.

The beam came in a set of three, joining from his kite to the pavement in a way that shook the street, stopping everyone from their fighting to hearing them cry and scream pathetically, burned by his moon-powered strike from above.

The sadness came next, he didn’t even make it to the ground before tears swelled in his eyes and overtook his vision. He could feel bodies around him, buzzing with a soft electricity the beams left behind. They were still alive, but that’s not what Kite wanted. He wanted decimation, he wanted them to feel his soul crushing pain before he could fully feel it himself.

All because of Wendy. It always did end with her, Kite realised that now, as he wandered through the street of fallen heroes and could see every single one of their identities. The beam burnt off their disguises. Callgirl was Wendy, Mysterion was Kenny, Fastpass was Jimmy, Doctor Timothy was Timmy, Mosquito was Clyde, Tupperware was Token, Super Craig and Wonder Tweek were Craig and Tweek. Tool-shed was Stan.

It all seemed to simple now that everything was revealed. The charade of masks was holding them back all along, making this fight harder than it had to be. These people didn’t hate each other, some of them were best friends, they hated the disguise, the lying, the hiding, everything about what being a superhero wasn’t. Kite realised this and sobbed harder because of it, until he couldn’t even be near this destruction he alone caused. 

He heard a rustling, and turned to see Stan waking up, moaning groggily as he looked around and widened his eyes. Kite couldn’t bear being around him right now, maybe ever because of what happened. It was world ending betrayal. Stan saw him and leapt up, and Kite quickly got up and ran away, away from that liar, away from everything that had ruined his life.

His energy was nearly entirely depleted, his knee was throbbing badly, and his eyes were practically worthless, blinded by a sheet of water that wouldn’t stop running down his face. But he kept running, using every inch of the strength and hate left within him to get away from Stan, who was catching up quicker than he could run from.

It was only when Stan caught up to him when he tried to turn at an alley, did he let himself explode.

‘’You fucking asshole, Stan!’’ Kite yelled, letting Stan see his ugly crying. What the fuck did it matter now. Stan groaned in remorse.

‘’Kite-’’ Stan said weakly.

‘’I loved you, I did everything for you, and you- you do this to me. Fuck you!’’ Kite sobbed, bursting into another fit of tears, and holding his face, now ashamed to have let him see anything, the extent of his pain. Stan didn’t deserve to know.

‘’I didn’t mean for Callgirl to kiss me. It just happened; I didn’t want her too. Kite please- ‘’ Stan tried, and Kite shook his head, trying to hold in the last of his soul he left behind before he rips it out of his chest like the heavy thing it is and let Stan destroy it however he wants.

‘’We broke up,’’ Stan eventually said, looking down again, then back at Kite, who glared at him.

‘’And it shouldn’t even matter to you anymore, I’m seeing Kyle now,’’ Stan said.

‘’I fucking know already asshole,’’ Kite glowered.

‘’You know? How?’’ Stan asked. Kite wiped his eyes, his tears more manageable now, and sighed. Kite moved his hand and pulled off his hood, letting his frizzy red hair explode with static, and looked down.

He stood looking down silently, waiting for something, anything, but Stan didn’t say a word. 

Kyle looked up again and saw Stan, wiping his eyes with his own tears, sniffling his nose. He was beaming, smiling wetly as tears continued to pour down his face like a faucet. ''What-'' Kyle didn't know what the think of Stan's relieved expression ‘’Kyle- ‘’ Stan whispered weakly, voice wrecked. ‘’It’s you. It’s really you,’’ Stan said, his laugh watery.

Kyle let the rest of the tears he held in leak from his face like Stan unplugged 8 years of emotion and finally let is spill out. He nodded at Stan and cried harder, letting Stan hold him tightly, feeling his wet cheeks squish onto Stan’s and join them together like glue. His chest jerked with harsh sobs, but Stan kept holding him, crying in whispered pants of his own.

Stan moved back to look at him, his blue eyes misted and wet, and Kyle sobbed again, because they were so beautiful, more beautiful than Starks pond, more beautiful than anything.

‘’It’s you. It’s you,’’ Stan laughed wetly. He couldn’t stop saying it, and Kyle needed that repetition badly, trying to make himself believe this, that he finally did it.

‘’I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you before,’’ Kyle sobbed, clutching Stan’s shirt so tightly he was afraid it would rip, but he needed something to hold so he didn’t fly right off the earth, be taken away from this moment.

‘’I love you. I knew it was you. I did- deep down, it was only ever you,’’ Stan said, hiding his face in Kyle’s shoulder again. Kyle needed it, everything Stan could give him, and his chest wouldn’t stop aching, because he’d stored everything he could hope to worry about inside, and now that everything was gone, he didn’t know what to do, how to live with this light feeling as though he’d just put down a bag of rocks he’d been carrying up a mountain for 8 years.

‘’I should have told you earlier. I should have, none of this would’ve happened,’’ Kyle said, his voice choked up and thick, he felt like he needed something to be wrong about, because this empty feeling wasn’t going away, and this moment couldn’t be this right, something wrong had to happen, because that’s how it always happened. He waited for this bad news to come, but it didn’t, and Stan kept hugging him like his life depended on it, which it felt like it did, because it he let go Kyle might sob for the rest of his life at the loss.

‘’Shh, Ky. I'm glad it did,’’ Stan whispered into his hair, and Kyle tried to breath deeper, his hands shaking around Stan.

‘’How are you okay with this? I lied to you for years,’’ Kyle said, and Stan shook his head.

‘’I lied to you too. I’m not guiltless. But Kyle, Jesus- I’m so happy you told me. I’d always hoped-’’ Stan laughed at his own voice crack, hugging Kyle tighter and nuzzling his hair.

‘’Why would you want me? I hate myself,’’ Kyle said, and Stan shushed him again.

‘’You’re so beautiful Kyle, I can’t tell you how relieved I am. This whole thing was eating at me anyway. But now we can live our lives,’’ Stan said, beaming, and Kyle smiled at him, his happiness filling Kyle’s chest where the guilt left him and replacing it with hope. Kyle breathed a shuddering breath, and looked at Stan again, his heart feeling like it reset, like it scraped the bad memories away and left him with everything perfect, with Stan.

Stan leaned into him, putting his forehead against Kyle’s, and Kyle kissed him, licking him open. Stan opened for him and they kissed with a desperate yet soft reverence.

‘’That was the first time we’ve done that and truly known everything about each other,’’ Stan smiled once they pulled apart, and Kyle kissed him again. 

They were both wet-cheeked and shaking, but they didn’t stop for anything, including the sounds of yelling from the street. Kyle figured they just woke up and got to see everyone without masks and their hidden identities. 

It didn’t matter now anyway, because if they took two seconds to understand the wrongness of disguises, and everything bad that had happened with them, they’d also realise how much better the Freedom pals and Coon and friends could be without them, and finally find happiness and understanding like he had with Stan.


	17. Epilogue

1 year later

‘’Okay so we all agree that the West side buildings need extra protection during Winter. For some reason the robbers like that area, maybe because it’s heated more than gas stations and such. Mosquito and Tupperware, can you patrol that area for a while and let us know how the scene looks?’’ Mysterion said, sitting at the head of the table. Mosquito and Tupperware nodded.

‘’Sure thing, bzz,’’ Mosquito said.

‘’Good. Now we’ve been given orders from the Mayor and park county police of rapist activity in the past few months. They want a few ground heroes surveying the area for any possible assaults, so myself and the Coon should be able to handle it. Is that agreeable Coon?’’ Mysterion asked, looking over at him.

‘’Actually no, I’d prefer to do it with Callgirl thanks butthole,’’ Coon said. Mysterion rolled his eyes.

‘’Fine whatever,’’ Mysterion sighed. ‘’I guess I’m with Human Kite and Tool-shed helping bust the rising drug centres in the upcoming festival. That cool with you guys?’’

‘’Yeah, of course. We need all the help we can get,’’ Tool-shed said, looking at Human Kite next to him. Kite nodded, and Mysterion seemed content with that, contracting the rest of the team and their jobs for the next few weeks.

The Freedom pals had dissolved the Coon and friends last year, welcoming all of its members under a democratic leadership after the infamous civil war that everyone was exposed in their identities. There had been major pushback on the idea, but eventually the Coon buckled and allowed Mysterion to assume part-leadership on the team. He mostly agreed on account of Callgirl, Kite remembers the huge fight they witnessed where it was revealed they’d been dating on and off for years, and Callgirl had been complicit in getting the new members on the team. Apparently, Coon had pissed her off or something enough to make herself a superhero and fight him in disguise. Kite mostly ended up forgiving her for kissing Tool-shed that day, he ended up forgiving many things that happened, because he was happy now, with Stan, and they were leaving for college together in a few months, CSU, close to home but far enough from their parents to feel independent. They had an apartment picked out and everything, and their high school graduation was tomorrow.

The Freedom pals met at Token’s house, where Tupperware used to have the meetings before identities suddenly became important all those years ago. Human Kite left with Tool-shed once the monthly meeting finished.

‘’Do you think about last year often?’’ Kite asked as they walked out. Kite usually flew them down back to their houses from Token’s, which was way up on the hills away from the middle-class suburbs or South Park.

‘’Yeah, a lot actually. Why?’’ Tool-shed asked, taking Kite’s hand.

‘’I was just thinking about how everything happened, and if it would’ve happened differently if it didn’t go down the way it did,’’ Kite said.

‘’I think about that a lot. But everything worked out, didn’t it? I mean, I’m glad it all happened,’’ Tool-shed said.

‘’Yeah, I just worry sometimes, that maybe this good luck could undo itself if I decided not to take off my disguise or something. It’s just me freaking out.’’

‘’Hey,’’ Tool-shed turned Kite towards him and kissed him. ‘’I’m happy you did. I am. We made it out of there mostly okay, so I think we’ll be fine,’’ Tool-shed assured him. Kite smiled.

Even if it might have played out differently, it happened, and here they were now. They were still fine, and Kyle believed it. And the next adventure would come, and he knew they’d be fine then too. Together, everything was fine. Kyle would believe that forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, it's been so fun to write

**Author's Note:**

> [Follow me if you choose :3](https://www.instagram.com/lozislaw/)


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